Does talking about it clear it out of the mind?

[Keyman]

20 something years on eNotAlone. Just come off 10 years self imposed celibacy. Walked the Camino De Santiago in Spain over 34 days.

On day 2 met a woman from a different background. I allowed myself to fall for her and we entered a relationship knowing that it would end once the Camino finished. We connected, we loved hard. It grew in passion and strength day by day even as we neared the end. We did not care, we just let it grow right to the end. She extended her trip to delay the end and our love grew more. 

Yesterday was day 1 of our parting. It’s a break up of sorts. We parted because we had to, not because we wanted to. 

There could be a future, but that would be years away. We both want it, but will the feelings last, ever burning in the background while she deals with her situation outside of us, and begins to grow in herself?

Does talking about it let it go in the mind or does it bring it more front and centre? Is it best to find as many distractions , and let the memory of it slip away?

[Batya33]

Is her situation that she is married ? Or committed?  And congrats on your hiking accomplishments!! Talking - depends on individuals. I’m a fan of not keeping in touch if there are strong romantic feelings but no availability for a relationship.  
also since your focus is on fiery and passionate feelings right now I’d not be in contact if that’s your focus - to keep fires burning.
Because if you reconnect in the future it mostly should be because of who you two are as people and how you enjoy showing love and caring and making each other laugh as opposed to the self absorbed focus of wanting to experience the passion and chemistry.

 Passion and chemistry are essential and if you two are meant to be in a serious relationship that will still be there if it’s based on the two of you as people as opposed to a fantasy. Good luck and again very impressive !!

[Keyman]

By talking, I mean with others, not the person in question.

She’s at the beginning of a divorce and lives in the total other side of the world.

The relationship has been of intensity and passion. But we both feel there is something deeper. We’ve talked about how it would be different in the future and how that would work. If that could happen it would be fine. 
right now I’m looking to find ways to let the passion in my heart go, so I can move on.

[Batya33]

36 minutes ago, Keyman said:

By talking, I mean with others, not the person in question.

She’s at the beginning of a divorce and lives in the total other side of the world.

The relationship has been of intensity and passion. But we both feel there is something deeper. We’ve talked about how it would be different in the future and how that would work. If that could happen it would be fine. 
right now I’m looking to find ways to let the passion in my heart go, so I can move on.

Oh I see talking with others. It can help especially if it’s a professional or a trusted close friend. She’s married so wouldn’t you be concerned if you dated her and she then went off on some adventure she might connect wi to a stranger? Or cheat on you otherwise. Separated is still married. It’s interesting how clear and expressive you are about your feelings in the first post and yet so circumspect and cryptic about her “situation “ . I’d talk to someone who will be reality based so that if you take the risk in the future to reconnect with her you’ll have eyes wide open. I would actually enjoy the memories - you did nothing wrong really - it’s more on her choosing to have sex with you and get involved while going through a divorce in the very beginning. Who’s to say they won’t reconcile either.  I’d take good care of yourself first. 

[Keyman]

6 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Oh I see talking with others. It can help especially if it’s a professional or a trusted close friend. She’s married so wouldn’t you be concerned if you dated her and she then went off on some adventure she might connect wi to a stranger? Or cheat on you otherwise. Separated is still married. It’s interesting how clear and expressive you are about your feelings in the first post and yet so circumspect and cryptic about her “situation “ . I’d talk to someone who will be reality based so that if you take the risk in the future to reconnect with her you’ll have eyes wide open. I would actually enjoy the memories - you did nothing wrong really - it’s more on her choosing to have sex with you and get involved while going through a divorce in the very beginning. Who’s to say they won’t reconcile either.  I’d take good care of yourself first. 

My purpose in posting was to find the means to begin taking care of myself again after this, in a positive and healthy manner and to move forward. That was my first focus. 
I wish her all the love in the future, and just want her to be happy and move forward in her life. If I’ve helped to push it forward then that is a good thing, and I feel grateful for our time. And yes, they indeed may reconnect, at least I’ve shown her what she may have been missing. It’s up to her now. I’m just happy that she is happier and given her something to work with. 
Maybe there’ll be a future for us, maybe there won’t. I cannot let it be a focus for me. I go to Morocco in 2 days to continue my travels and to begin afresh. 

[Batya33]

13 minutes ago, Keyman said:

My purpose in posting was to find the means to begin taking care of myself again after this, in a positive and healthy manner and to move forward. That was my first focus. 
I wish her all the love in the future, and just want her to be happy and move forward in her life. If I’ve helped to push it forward then that is a good thing, and I feel grateful for our time. And yes, they indeed may reconnect, at least I’ve shown her what she may have been missing. It’s up to her now. I’m just happy that she is happier and given her something to work with. 
Maybe there’ll be a future for us, maybe there won’t. I cannot let it be a focus for me. I go to Morocco in 2 days to continue my travels and to begin afresh. 

I totally understand. I think it can help a lot and I’m impressed at your wisdom and insight in knowing to ask the question.  I thought your focus was in keeping the feelings alive for a future with you. I know for me a conversation I had with a mutual friend of my ex resulted in an epiphany of sorts for me that made me realize why we were so back and forth for 7 years. No. I didn’t gossip about my ex or what he was up to. In fact we were in touch at the time.
 

Our friend made a comment about his way of interacting in general that led to my a ha moment.

So my point is if you’re open minded - which you obviously are - talking to people who will listen without judgment can be very helpful. What you shared in your first post was a bit abstract and confusing to me. Thanks for clarifying and good luck in Morocco!!

[Jibralta]

3 hours ago, Keyman said:

Does talking about it let it go in the mind or does it bring it more front and centre? Is it best to find as many distractions , and let the memory of it slip away?

For me, it can go either way, and I just have to be aware of what is working and if/when it stops working. Writing has often helped me process through challenges, but sometimes I go through things and I don't feel a need to write about them at all. Or, sometimes writing (or talking) is initially helpful, but then stops being helpful. 

[Kwothe28]

You had "Summer fling"(Well its not officially summer yet so maybe "Spring fling" lol). Its something nice while you could spend time together on a hike. But I would forget about a serious future there. As soon as you got back into the "real world", you faced up with almost inpennetratable wall where its questionable if you could even be together. That should tell you everything you need to know about the future. 

I would suggest to look at it as a fantasy. Something that happened in "the bubble". In the bubble you could be together and had time for each other. Outside of it, you are in two different worlds. There is no point in pursuing somebody who is in a divorce process. And in the other side of the world.