Nervous for a date

[boltnrun]

3 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

He hadn't bought it yet. He was waiting for confirmation to make sure we could go. 

Did he just now find out the date of the camping trip?

[Alex39]

2 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Did he just now find out the date of the camping trip?

No, he knew the dates of the trip ahead of time, but he just got the dates of his service. 

[Jaunty]

7 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

So unfortunately, we aren't going camping. His family chose that weekend as it was best for them. He's in the military and needs to do his service that weekend. He does this once a month. I was aware of this and I understand. He's really bummed we can't go. 

Well of course you aren't going to go camping.  It was a tall tale from the start.   If he's in the national guard, of course he knew his schedule.  

 

[boltnrun]

6 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

No, he knew the dates of the trip ahead of time, but he just got the dates of his service. 

From my understanding they know the service dates ahead of time so they can plan to be available.

But I don't think anyone else believes this camping trip was going to happen, just like the get together to meet his friends has never happened.

Your dates (the ones he doesn't cancel anyway) will consist of sitting on your couch with the occasional fast food outing. I'm sure you're fine with that, though. 

[rainbowsandroses]

25 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Since you whitewash/ignore/revise history here perhaps you are doing this on other forums which in turn will result in different responses. 

^^Took the words.  I've been reading her thread on the other forum and that's exactly what she did.  

I felt like I was reading a completely different story or version of the story. 

[Wiseman2]

14 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

No, he knew the dates of the trip ahead of time, but he just got the dates of his service. 

Unfortunately it seems like he made up the camping trip story and fake pics because you were pressuring him about meeting his family and friends because on your BF checklist, meeting family and friends is your next step and you want to accelerate things.

[Crawfords Wine]

27 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

So unfortunately, we aren't going camping.

I hate to say I told you so, but more than one poster here told you so. 

That trip was never going to happen. 

[Jaunty]

13 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

From my understanding they know the service dates ahead of time so they can plan to be available.

That's absolutely the case, unless you're called up for emergency service, like a natural disaster of some kind.

The fake camping trip was scheduled for August.  It's August 10th.  People in the Guard don't get their schedule for August in the middle of August.  FFS.

They also have to go every month.  What happened in July?  

The camping thing was a bs story.   He seems like he spends a lot of time really baked, just making s*** up.     

 

[Jaunty]

Unfortunately I think the posts from that HHbff poster (I can't remember the actual name) have been purged.   The one in the UK  with the "boyfriend" who is not participating in the relationship.  Who posted every detail about how he let her down yet really seemed to be getting a lot out of the horrible situation.

@Alex39 - did you ever read any of her posts?  She seems to have the identical personality that you have.  Picked a guy who was very clearly not going to give her what she wanted in a relationship and then devoted the rest of her life to complaining about him, villainizing him, and crying about it.  

This can be you in a few years.  You're perfectly on track.

[rainbowsandroses]

Alex, when are you going to stop deluding yourself and wake up from Never-Never Land?

He didn't cancel the camping trip because he needs to serve his country that weekend, what a load.  

Makes absolutely no sense, the military doesn't operate on ambiguous scheduling, they're quite rigid when it comes to that.

But even assuming he was waiting to get the schedule, he would have told you that and left the date for the trip open until he got the schedule.

NOT made a firm plan, with firm date, buy camping gear, ask you to buy groceries etc

He's lying plain and simple. 

Not saying he doesnt like you. I'm sure he does on some level.

But with this sudden cancellation of the camping trip, I’m now convinced he has another agenda that in all likelihood includes another woman and that's what he's doing that weekend.

Either that or taking another trip with his friends.

Please wake up.

And when you tell your story on the other forum, be truthful so you can receive responses that can actually help you like we're attempting to do.

 

[Alex39]

15 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately it seems like he made up the camping trip story and fake pics because you were pressuring him about meeting his family and friends because on your BF checklist, meeting family and friends is your next step and you want to accelerate things.

I have not pressured or asked him to meet his family or friends at all. I know that for sure. I never asked to meet his family. I was shocked he invited me on the trip with his mother. He invited me on the trip and so I figured I'd meet his mother then. Before that, I figured we'd wait to meet families and I wasnt in a rush. And I told him I look forward to meeting her. 

I haven't pushed my family onto him. I've told him about them but I am not in a rush to introduce. I told my parents about him and that was it. 

He brought up me meeting his friends. I never asked or did. I was positive and perceptive to it, but never initiated it. 

[Alex39]

13 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

That's absolutely the case, unless you're called up for emergency service, like a natural disaster of some kind.

The fake camping trip was scheduled for August.  It's August 10th.  People in the Guard don't get their schedule for August in the middle of August.  FFS.

They also have to go every month.  What happened in July?  

The camping thing was a bs story.   He seems like he spends a lot of time really baked, just making s*** up.     

 

No, the trip was for September. A month from now. 

[Alex39]

3 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Alex, when are you going to stop deluding yourself and wake up from Never-Never Land?

He didn't cancel the camping trip because he needs to serve his country that weekend, what a load.  

Makes absolutely no sense, the military doesn't operate on ambiguous scheduling, they're quite rigid when it comes to that.

But even assuming he was waiting to get the schedule, he would have told you that and left the date for the trip open until he got the schedule.

NOT made a firm plan, with firm date, buy camping gear, ask you to buy groceries etc

He's lying plain and simple. 

Not saying he doesnt like you. I'm sure he does on some level.

But with this sudden cancellation of the camping trip, I’m now convinced he has another agenda that in all likelihood includes another woman and that's what he's doing that weekend.

Either that or taking another trip with his friends.

Please wake up.

And when you tell your story on the other forum, be truthful so you can receive responses that can actually help you like we're attempting to do.

 

He did let me know when he proposed camping that it's contigent on his military schedule. So I knew this might happen. He did make me aware that it may get cancelled. He let me know this. But then we kept talking about the camping like it was happening, so we just went with it as it was. 

[Sindy_0311]

3 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

This can be you in a few years.  

I don't think so. This relationship will end way sooner. I would give it a few more weeks, no more. 

This is how I see it: He will start to spend less and less time with OP because he will be (already is) completely disinterested. (what is to easy to get is not interesting) and he will start to fade away until disappearing... he will ghost her and never give it an end because he wants to keep her around fo the future just in case he gets bored someday and needs chill. in a few month he will text her out of the blue : WYD...

See @Alex39 theres no wonder he treats you like that, its because you messed it up from the start with this exclusivity thing and accepting his flakey behavior. You messed it and now its to late to gain something out of it... harm has been done yet. Really suggest you move on and date other great guy... please.... Forget about this one, theres no way you can get what you want from this relationship. 

The camping trip is cancelled... this is the cherry on the cake... what else do you need to understand whats going on??

 

[Crawfords Wine]

On 8/3/2023 at 10:57 PM, Alex39 said:

He's been buying us all supplies for our trip. So we're going. 

 

38 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

He hadn't bought it yet. He was waiting for confirmation to make sure we could go. 

 

At best he's inconsistent with his excuses, which is quite understandable, considering how many he has to keep track of.

At worst he is a bold-faced liar.

Neither is great, but I'm more concerned about how easily you make excuses for him.

Alex, you're not even 8 weeks into dating this guy. He has been waving around more red flags than your average Chinese military parade, and rather than taking notice and taking stock, you breezily swat them all away like they're just an inconsequential nuisance.

 

[boltnrun]

Do his "stomach issues" affect his ability to serve in the military?

[Sindy_0311]

5 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

No, the trip was for September. A month from now. 

You said it was in August (end of it)....

7 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I have not pressured or asked him to meet his family or friends at all. I know that for sure. I never asked to meet his family.

Yeah but he lied when he told you about meeting his family... did he arrange something else for you to meet them??

[boltnrun]

1 minute ago, Crawfords Wine said:

rather than taking notice and taking stock, you breezily swat them all away like they're just an inconsequential nuisance.

When the sole goal is to "get a boyfriend" it's disheartening to have to start over again with someone new. Apparently it's preferable to just keep tolerating disrespect, lame excuses and cancellations than to try to meet someone else who would be a better fit.

[Batya33]

49 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I'm not ignoring it. I think he treats me pretty well and I love spending time with him.  I think as you are growing in a relationship and growing together that you always have some learning curves. We are still knowing each other. I've gotten over what happened. I think I was too emotional and over-expectant of him. He was just trying to be a good friend. He and I have different relationships with our friends. 

I don't think those fancy relationshippy terms work when there are specifics here- it's not about "all relationship" and "learning curves" or "getting to know each other" - his relationship with his friends isn't different from your relationships as far as how he treats you.

The difference is you are a person who is reliable, dependable, thoughtful, respectful, organize - not "perfect" -don't go there as I am not- I mean reasonably so -average or above average - the way he treats you has nothing to do with his friendships - it has to do with how he has chosen to treat you - rudely/thoughtlessly/disrespectfully/unreliably -from the very beginning.

As far as camping so...... did he just find out that he has last minute monthly military service and it conflicts? So like when his family was planning this trip -he didn't do a ten second check of his schedule knowing he has monthly military service?  For sure if it was a last minute switch of weekends I get it.  It doesn't add up and it's not about his "different" relationship with his family.

Don't allow yourself ever to indulge in generalities when you have a real life person you've known for two months who repeatedly treats you in a subpar way.  Especially since you have no problem criticizing your friends' judgments about wedding planning, organizing, planning, paying, etc -and I don't see you giving them a pass as  far as "well you know they are not me -everyone has different relationships with their friends."

[rainbowsandroses]

8 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

He did let me know when he proposed camping that it's contigent on his military schedule. So I knew this might happen. He did make me aware it might get canceled.

I'm struggling to believe this^ as not once did you ever mention this to us.

You presented it to us as a firm trip, a done deal with him buying camping gear and you the groceries.

You wrote and I quote "we are definitely going." 

This entire situation including what you choose to share with us at any given time is crazy making. 

And sad.

 

[LootieTootie]

58 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

So unfortunately, we aren't going camping. 

Shocker

[Sindy_0311]

When is your next date? 

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I'm struggling to believe that as not once did you ever mention this to us.

You presented it to us as a firm trip with him buying camping gear and you the groceries.

This entire situation including what you choose to share with us at any given time is crazy making. 

And sad.

 

Yes which is why on other forums she might be getting the "you are too high maintenance" thing. No I don't buy that you knew all this in advance -you share minutae of details and that he bought an air mattress etc- not really plausible you wouldn't share that it was tentative based on military service -again when does he find out his schedule?

[Alex39]

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

Yes which is why on other forums she might be getting the "you are too high maintenance" thing. No I don't buy that you knew all this in advance -you share minutae of details and that he bought an air mattress etc- not really plausible you wouldn't share that it was tentative based on military service -again when does he find out his schedule?

I swear it was and I knew this. I didn't mention it here. But I knew. 

[Batya33]

So -if his family and he knows when he finds out about military service and chose to take their chances since that weekend was better for them -why in the world would he buy anything in advance of finding out which weekend in September he'd have to serve?