My mother forced me to have a bath naked with two girls when I was 14, should I still hate her?

[Jack04]

For context I am 18 and male. Four years ago when I was 14, my mother was going to visit her friend who lived in the countryside for a few days and she took me with her. While we were walking over to her friend's house, I slipped and fell in the mud. When we arrived at the house, my mother asked her friend if I could have a bath and have my clothes washed and dried. My mother's friend said that her daughters were going to be having a bath in an hour and that I could join them. I refused her offer but my mother told her friend that I would take the bath. My mother made me put all of my clothes including my underwear into the laundry bin and she made me go into the bathroom. A few minutes after this, her friend's two 12-year-old daughters came into the bathroom in swimsuits and we had to have a bath. Should I still hate my mother and hold this against her? My friend said that I am making this out to be a bigger deal than it is.

[lostandhurt]

So you have hated your mother for 4 years?  It takes a lot of energy to hate someone for that amount of time and it is not good for your health or soul.

 I agree it was not right what she made you do and kind of creepy to me but it doesn't seem like she did it to harm you in any way. 

If you don't want a close relationship with your mother over this that is fine and understandable but holding onto hate towards her is hurting you way more than your mother.

 I think it is time to let it go.

Lost

[Jack04]

7 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

So you have hated your mother for 4 years?  It takes a lot of energy to hate someone for that amount of time and it is not good for your health or soul.

 I agree it was not right what she made you do and kind of creepy to me but it doesn't seem like she did it to harm you in any way. 

If you don't want a close relationship with your mother over this that is fine and understandable but holding onto hate towards her is hurting you way more than your mother.

 I think it is time to let it go.

Lost

How did she not do it to harm me? I said I didn't want to have a bath with the girls, I didn't consent to this. Why were the girls allowed to wear swimsuits but I had to be naked? How did she not see how this would be embarrassing for me?

[Wiseman2]

58 minutes ago, Jack04 said:

 her friend's two 12-year-old daughters came into the bathroom in swimsuits and we had to have a bath. 

Sorry this happened. Where is your father? What does he think of it? Do you have siblings? 

Who are these family friends? Are they poor? Why wouldn't everyone take their own shower?  It makes no sense to put 3 teens in a tub. How could you all fit in one bathtub?

[TacticalLinguine]

I get you, OP. My mother overstepped many of my boundaries as well, obviously forced me into uncomfortable situations that often times left me humiliated, embarrassed of my body and so on. 
 

What is your relationship with her like overall, have you talked to her about this? 
 

I’m not sure if this is a one-off incident for you. In my case, it took years to let go of the anger. Why, because I was looking at things the wrong way. I tried to force myself everyday to “not care”, when in reality I had to face the music, and accept what is. If you can talk to her about this, please do so. Hear her side. However you are feeling about this, your feelings are valid. 

[Jack04]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. Where is your father? What does he think of it? Do you have siblings? 

Who are these family friends? Are they poor? Why wouldn't everyone take their own shower?  It makes no sense to put 3 teens in a tub. How could you all fit in one bathtub?

My father passed away before this happened and I don't have siblings. The family friend is my mother's friend who she has known since childhood. The bath tub was large and square shaped, almost as big as a jacuzzi, not the typical thin rectangle shaped bath.

[Batya33]

It's really the mother of the girls who showed really poor judgment having them share a bath with a naked teenage boy.  I also don't understand why you couldn't shower off  outside or prior to the bath (you could have cleaned out the tub) and waited with a towel on for your clothing to dry and/or borrow a t-shirt and shorts, etc.  Doesn't make sense. My son is 14.  We are big on personal privacy especially since he is in the middle of puberty. 

[HeartGoesOn]

2 hours ago, Jack04 said:

How did she not do it to harm me? I said I didn't want to have a bath with the girls, I didn't consent to this. Why were the girls allowed to wear swimsuits but I had to be naked? How did she not see how this would be embarrassing for me?

Maybe she thought they would find your body to be extra special.

 

[Cherylyn]

Your feelings are your decision however way you wish to feel towards your mother. 

A lot of people despise whomever wronged them whether it's family or someone else.  There is nothing you can do about the past.  All you can do, is keep moving forward. 

Whenever I can't forget about what people have done to me and I must cross paths with them,  I take the passive route by doing nothing.  I'm still respectful,  kind,  well mannered yet maintain a safe,  cool distance.  These are my boundaries.  You might want to try taking this route because it's the best you can do.  It seems to work for me and I hope it works for you, too. 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Jack04 said:

 her friend's two 12-year-old daughters came into the bathroom in swimsuits and we had to have a bath. 

Are they twins? Do you still see them?

[kamurj]

OP, I see that this is a reddit repost where you received a lot of feedback. The topic is locked, check my pm.