Best way to handle a FWB when you have feelings

[Jaunty]

2 hours ago, swilliams said:

🤣 I  dunno my needs are being met soo..

whatever you wanna believe lol

You come off as terribly desperate and delusional.  Try a vibrator.

 

 

[swilliams]

You come off as highly pretentious, and your inaccurate  opinions of me hold very little value. 

[Sindy_0311]

1 hour ago, Jaunty said:

You come off as terribly desperate and delusional.  Try a vibrator.

 

 

She’s right 

Best way to handle a FWB when you have feelings

This is how you titled this feed. Feelings don’t go away. Believe me, been there, done that. There’s no way you can handle it casually. My best advice is RUN AWAY. You pretend your needs are being met, but they are not because you like him. Otherwise you wouldn’t leave him have access to you. He is just using you in his convenience. Someday, someone told me something very true: “these guys, taking advantage of you, are just treating you like a free hocker. If they want sex without commitment, let them go pay for it”. Just a opinion, also mine… 

[swilliams]

I’m going thru a divorce I don’t need a relationship..? Lol

[spinstermanquee]

26 minutes ago, swilliams said:

I’m going thru a divorce

Heart goes out to you, swilliams.  About a year and a half ago I was headed for divorce myself.  I do have to say, as one of the other posters (@Jaunty) suggested, a vibrator can be your best friend during trying times and it's not ugly, messy, or degrading:  you can imagine anything you want and never be embarrassed or sorry in the morning.  You'll not be the subject of gossip or jealousy, your pocketbook won't get picked, and you don't have to dress up or wear makeup, not to mention fake an orgasm 😉 (j/k I don't believe in that).

If you still live in the marital home then take yourself out for girlfriend time, go shopping, volunteer, learn something new, throw some time into self improvement, exercise, anything that takes you away from the negative energy at home.  Spa time is always good!

Sleeping with a dude who doesn't care about you is just another way to stomp on/out what little happiness and peace you might gain from other activities.  You are so much more than just a vagina to be used by a jerkoff.

Hugs and all the best my dear.  (((((  )))))

[swilliams]

Thanks divorce is rough. My husband suddenly walked out on me during an argument  and it’s been hard on me 

[Batya33]

6 hours ago, swilliams said:

🤣 I  dunno my needs are being met soo..

whatever you wanna believe lol

Yes. You have needs to have sex - from your perspective. Many people have a sex drive and choose who to satisfy that with. Kind of like I love chocolate but it doesn’t mean I eat it all day or eat substandard chocolate because I have “needs”. You are choosing to have intercourse with a man who you don’t admire or respect. Also please know that it’s ultimately your choice if you get pregnant but if he changes his mind he can make life very difficult for you. 

[swilliams]

Totally get it! 

[Jaunty]

A major elephant in the room here is that you started the thread about your feelings, and you've posted about this situation quite a bit.

Suddenly you claim your feelings disappeared, over night, while you continue to have sex with this guy..   

This doesn't happen. Ever.

Meanwhile, you are now gleefully gloating that he "became explosive" and went off on you because you had a party and invited men to it.  And he has feelings or something like that.

At the same time you use words like "yuck" and "eeew" regarding him.

And ... still banging him.

This is a very convoluted game.  You are messing with the guy but for the most part you are lying to yourself and throwing yourself under the bus.  This situation has nothing to do with you getting your sexual needs met.  Try being honest with yourself and people here.  It's anonymous.  You might be able to get some help that you could use.

[MissCanuck]

3 hours ago, Jaunty said:

You are messing with the guy but for the most part you are lying to yourself and throwing yourself under the bus.

That's how I read it, too. 

It's okay if you still like the guy, OP. But you need to be honest with yourself about it and not pretend you suddenly have no more feelings. That sort of denial isn't going to help you move forward, in any sense. 

[Wiseman2]

On 4/18/2023 at 6:49 PM, swilliams said:

Yeah I live in the house. I should’ve mentioned that before.

🙂

Unfortunately this seems to be a big part of the problem. You're still living with your husband and children. 

Certainly the throes of divorce are painful, and perhaps having a lover distracts you, but at some level you must realize this can't be turn into a relationship. 

Talk to your therapist about navigating through the divorce and speak with your attorney about your living arrangements, children, custody etc. 

Try not to take this situationship seriously. At some level you know it's just a distraction for now.

[swilliams]

I don’t live with my ex husband. I live alone in the house. I don’t take the situationship serious anymore it is definitely a distraction. 

[Wiseman2]

11 minutes ago, swilliams said:

I don’t live with my ex husband. I live alone in the house. I don’t take the situationship serious anymore it is definitely a distraction. 

That's a good thing. At least you can focus on yourself, your child and getting the divorce finalized,  without complications .

[swilliams]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

That's a good thing. At least you can focus on yourself, your child and getting the divorce finalized,  without complications .

Definitely. My husband dipped out during an argument (he left me over 50 Times over 5 years) so living alone has helped me a lot 

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, swilliams said:

I don’t live with my ex husband. I live alone in the house. I don’t take the situationship serious anymore it is definitely a distraction. 

If it’s an arrangement where you use his body to get off and he uses your body to get off don’t tell yourself it has some fancy label. It’s really quite basic - he’s your sex partner when you’re both horny and want to get off. There’s no “ship” - the ship you originally wanted has sailed. 

[swilliams]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

If it’s an arrangement where you use his body to get off and he uses your body to get off don’t tell yourself it has some fancy label. It’s really quite basic - he’s your sex partner when you’re both horny and want to get off. There’s no “ship” - the ship you originally wanted has sailed. 

I don’t want that anymore lol and he’s not the only one I see anymore

[Batya33]

5 hours ago, swilliams said:

I don’t want that anymore lol and he’s not the only one I see anymore

Oh ok. What so funny about this for you ? Fun I can see - from your perspective but funny ?  Hopefully the other men you have sex with know you also fulfill your “need” for intercourse elsewhere.  

[swilliams]

For sure