I started dating an ex highschool classmate ten years later.

[Antonia Fergusson]

Hi!!! I need dating advice and I don't really know what to do. 

Five months ago and old classmate from highschool send me a message though socia media. We started talking about random stuff (movies, tv series, memories from highschool, etc), until he asked for my cellphone number, which I gave it to him. During those 3 first months we talked a lot and we also called each other and also have video calls. Some extra information: We are both 27 years old and we live in different cities, he said he was in love with me since highschool but he was afraid of talking to me and being rejected (so he waited ten years).  He seemed really nice, serious, fun and very interested in myself.

During the fourth month we planned our first date, for which he traveled back to our hometown (where I live). He was supposed to pick me up at 7 but he was an hour late. His excuse was that I gave him wrong directions to get to my house (which is a lie), and that he got lost. He could have called me and asked about it but he didn't. We talked about the possibility of canceling the meeting, but in the end we decided to continue with the appointment. Despite that initial problems our first date ended up being great, and even ended in sex (which was great, too). 

But some things happened that left me with a little doubt. First, he seems to be quite dominant or territorial (he was happy because his perfume was impregnated on my body). But he said he was also happy that I hadn't used perfume and that I hadn't left marks on him, because that way it would be easier for him to hide it when he got home. That way her parents wouldn't ask him what he had been doing and with whom. So I asked him if he had at least told them about me or if he intended to, to which he replied that maybe in the future he would. But he didn't say that with much certainty. His excuse was that he is very private, but I think he was lying. I told my parents about our date, and I even talked about him with my family (not very specifically but they know he exists, that he's real).

Second, he is very persistent and I think a bit manipulative. Although it is true that I wanted to have sex with him, the truth is that he asked me to do certain things that I did not want (I had never done them before and it made me feel a little uncomfortable). I told him no a few times, until he said, "It's your body, it's your choice." But over time he began to insist again: "If we do it now it will make it easier next time", "You will like it", etc. In the end, I agreed to two of them but the truth is that I ended up wondering if I did it because I really wanted to or if I did it to satisfy him. I don't quite know what to think. I have noticed many times that he doesn't accept a no for an answer. After that he kept saying about the things I refused to do: "You broke my heart", "I hope next time you are on the mood". 

 

Despite this we continued talking for the next month. He is very pushy on the subject of emotions. He always wants to know if he still likes me, or if I'm falling for him.  I have a lot of feelings for him and I have no problem expressing them, but he is very careful about it. There is also something that has started to bother me and that is that he is always asking about my ex-partners and how they were compared to him. I already told him to stop talking about them, but he doesn't listen to me. Something that also bothers me is that it's been 5 months and he still hasn't told anyone about me, while he insists that I tell my friends and family about him. He wants to meet my parents, but he doesn't want me to meet his. 

 

We've been on other dates and they all end in sex (which has been really enjoyable), but I'm really wondering if he's just using me for this or if he has real future intentions. When I try to ask him about it, sometimes he diverts the conversation or says things like "Let's go slow." But other times he talks like we are going to get married!!!!, which is REALLY CONFUSING. 

I don't know what to do about this relationship. 

[Cherylyn]

I'd end this relationship.  He is very selfish,  manipulative and tricky.  All red flags.  Dump him.  He's not worth it.

[MissCanuck]

26 minutes ago, Arya Lockwood said:

But he said he was also happy that I hadn't used perfume and that I hadn't left marks on him, because that way it would be easier for him to hide it when he got home. That way her parents  his girlfriend wouldn't ask him what he had been doing and with whom.

Fixed that for you. 

Stop seeing this guy. Even if he were single, there are red flags everywhere - the worst his sexual manipulation of you. 

Don't ever tolerate this sort of secrecy and mistreatment from any guyu again. 

[Kwothe28]

58 minutes ago, Arya Lockwood said:

he was happy because his perfume was impregnated on my body

Wut?

He is hiding your relationship because he has somebody else in his town. not to mention his treatment of you like a sex doll and not a person.

[smackie9]

Ugh this guy is a jerk and a weirdo. Mentally manipulating you like that is way creepy. Lose his number.

[Wiseman2]

On 4/7/2023 at 2:25 PM, Antonia Fergusson said:

 it's been 5 months and he still hasn't told anyone about me, 

We've been on other dates and they all end in sex (which has been really enjoyable), but I'm really wondering if he's just using me for this 

He's not "using" you because you are willingly participating in casual sex/dating.  That's ok. Sometimes these situationships serve a purpose as long as you don't mistake them for long term relationships.