Fertility Issues

[Mansour87]

Hello, 

I’m a 36year old female married to a 32year old male. When my husband and I were dating I told him the only way I could have biological kids was to go through in vitro fertilization (IVF) He said he was okay with that. Eventually we did get married and it’s been rough but we’ve made it work. We did round one of IVF and it didn’t work out. Last night he tells me he really wants biological kids and doesn’t want to adopt. He said he wants kids but if I can’t have any he’d stay with me because he loves me. I don’t know that I can have kids because IVF does not guarantee babies. I feel like he never should’ve married knowing I have fertility issues and adoption is not on the table. I’m honestly considering leaving him not because I don’t love him but because I feel he should be with someone who can give him what he wants. I really don’t know what to any advice would be appreciated. 
Thanks everyone!

[Seraphim]

I have a friend who did four IVF cycles to have one child and just did another four and now is pregnant with multiples . I wouldn’t make a judgment on one cycle . 

[Coily]

I have  friends who are also going through IVF, they are struggling for their second child. They are both frustrated, but they realized the risks. They are trying to navigate through this and it's hard, they are really struggling; but they haven't given up after 3 years of trying. Before that they had 2 miscarriages and were trying for 2 years.

Give it some time, and talk.

[smackie9]

 You have to tell him how you feel. Then make decisions through honest communication. 

[Seraphim]

I lost 4 babies through miscarriage, I feel your struggle. ❤️

[indea08]

I agree that one failed round of IVF isn’t enough to call to call it quits. It took us 3 years, we didn’t do IVF but we had to do IUI’s. Month after month was torture, and only you know when you just can’t do it anymore.

You didn’t specify how long you’ve already been trying. Maybe think about how much longer you’re willing to give it, and see what your husband thinks, compare timelines??

You say that he’s stated he won’t leave if you aren’t able to conceive, so my personal opinion is that it would not be right to make the choice to leave for him. If you want to leave, it should be for you. He should get to choose for himself and his choice was to stay.

I’m so sorry you’re in this situation.

😞

[Batya33]

I didn't have to do IVF -one pregnancy, age 41 - but several friends did. I'm sorry it's such a struggle! I cannot stand that he changed his mind like that - husband and I had the same exact discussion and we agreed we'd do IVF or adoption if that didn't work.  I simply cannot stand when someone in a marriage changes their mind about such a huge agreement in a marriage.  

I suggest trying IVF again for sure and being cautious about how to proceed - I know he made the choice to stay if you can't have a biological child and I'm concerned since he obviously wants kids. Good luck and I'm sorry again for the failed IVF!

[itsallgrand]

What about you...would you be giving up what you really want to stay with him if you can not bear a child? Do you want children by adoption as an option?

Was he clear that he was not open to adoption before you married?

My heart is breaking for you. I don't know what is right for you but I know you deserve a chance to have children if that is what you want whether or not you can conceive and carry to term.