My son is going for his first weekend away

[Seraphim]

My adult Autistic son wants to go to a big city with a friend and go to an event for the weekend. Obviously he can go he is 25 years old and it is his right to do so. We are just very worried because there has been way more violence in the city than normal and especially on public transit . The friend he is going with isn’t as disabled as he is and has travelled the world independently. My son gets very upset when he can’t process a problem quickly so I am afraid he might have a meltdown or it might be good for his independence. 
 

The event isn’t until May. 

[Batya33]

My son is 14 and would have gone on his first school overnight trip in May 2020 (we know why that was cancelled) - never even did a sleepover. 

Then the next opportunity -school camping trip right before he turned 14 -was cancelled for weather.  He finally went last month for 3 nights with school.  OMG - it was up and down for sure and I was happy and also unhappy we'd finally gotten him a phone -oh the texting from him.  I was not worried about safety (other than the kayaking they did) but I was worried about him having the life/independence skills because -thanks pandemic - his overnight experiences were quite delayed.  (I was almost 9 first time I went to sleepaway camp and did tons of sleepovers too)

Yes I know it's not a perfect analogy and I want to say -on the whole - it's worth it.  The growth, sense of independence, even for a short trip - just ,wow.  And longlasting.  I'd worry too -I get it! And I'd let him go with your blessing. I hope he has a fun and safe time and I'm glad he wants to go (my son had to be convinced by us and our "village").

(I did a simulation with my son of morning routine -where to find his stuff, how to deal with liquids like soap as far as resealing, where to keep your money, where to put a wet towel, etc -really detailed/nitty gritty - and no it wasn't foolproof but we did a few "sessions" of these over a couple of days including how to unpack/what to unpack/how to repack including where to put dirty/wet laundry -he did fine actually!!)

[Seraphim]

I have told him to keep his wallet in a front pants pocket, harder to access for people who might want to take it and he never parts with his phone so that is an easy part. I am worried about the violence in the city which has been increasing and if he comes across a situation he can’t handle. If he has a meltdown and people don’t understand he is Autistic it is dangerous for him. People could assume he is on drugs or drunk or having mental health problems. We have told him we are available 24/7 for ANYTHING. We will be about 1.5 hours from him but we will come at ANY TIME . 

[Cherylyn]

Your son will be with his friend so he should be ok. At least he won't be alone.  Good idea about forewarning him of pickpockets.  Another tip:  If he wears a backpack, wear it in the front especially in crowded areas.  There are also thin in front, snug waist packs to wear for his money and phone.  It's tight against the body and not noticeable because it's worn underneath clothing; not on top.  For the backpack, it should contain less valuable items such as hand sanitizer or wet wipes, snacks, water bottle and the like.

[boltnrun]

Does he have a gps app on his phone, one that will allow you to see his location? Also Apple air tags that show the location of personal property. In case his phone gets misplaced, you can still see his location. 

And encourage him to stay with his friend at all times and not to hold his phone in his hand when walking around. Someone could try to grab it. 

More than likely everything will be fine. 

[Seraphim]

49 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Does he have a gps app on his phone, one that will allow you to see his location? Also Apple air tags that show the location of personal property. In case his phone gets misplaced, you can still see his location. 

And encourage him to stay with his friend at all times and not to hold his phone in his hand when walking around. Someone could try to grab it. 

More than likely everything will be fine. 

He won’t allow me to track him, no. He did say he would stick with his friend. I have never let anyone else “ care” for him who isn’t family so a bit scary. 

[Batya33]

41 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

He won’t allow me to track him, no. He did say he would stick with his friend. I have never let anyone else “ care” for him who isn’t family so a bit scary. 

I am wishing you strength. And peace. And the knowledge that you are doing what is so very hard and also what is the best. His friend sounds like a stand up guy and street smart. Please do post an update. Good luck !

[Seraphim]

11 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I am wishing you strength. And peace. And the knowledge that you are doing what is so very hard and also what is the best. His friend sounds like a stand up guy and street smart. Please do post an update. Good luck !

His friend really is a nice guy. He was caught in Japan when the pandemic hit and had a bit of trouble getting back to Canada. My son was super upset until his friend made it home . 

[Seraphim]

13 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

Your son will be with his friend so he should be ok. At least he won't be alone.  Good idea about forewarning him of pickpockets.  Another tip:  If he wears a backpack, wear it in the front especially in crowded areas.  There are also thin in front, snug waist packs to wear for his money and phone.  It's tight against the body and not noticeable because it's worn underneath clothing; not on top.  For the backpack, it should contain less valuable items such as hand sanitizer or wet wipes, snacks, water bottle and the like.

Most likely he would be carrying some of his anime stuff. It is an anime convention. 

[Seraphim]

Tomorrow is D day we take him tomorrow night . I am one nervous mom. 

[catfeeder]

26 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Tomorrow is D day we take him tomorrow night . I am one nervous mom. 

Hang in there, Momma. You can do this. (((HUG))))
Cat

[Batya33]

Sending support, hugs and all good things. I hope he has a great time.

[Seraphim]

He got through the first night in the hotel and is off to the Convention now ! So proud of him . ❤️Already a 100% success because of this alone . He even asked me how I was doing here without his help.❤️

[Batya33]

17 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

He got through the first night in the hotel and is off to the Convention now ! So proud of him . ❤️Already a 100% success because of this alone . He even asked me how I was doing here without his help.❤️

Hooray!!! I love reading this so much.

[Seraphim]

It has been a resounding success!!! He did really well and we pick him up tonight .❤️

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

It has been a resounding success!!! He did really well and we pick him up tonight .❤️

Hooray!! I was so optimistic and I'm so happy for all of you.  You're a great mom.

[Seraphim]

3 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Hooray!! I was so optimistic and I'm so happy for all of you.  You're a great mom.

Thank you!! 
He called and text many times the first day because he needed support and to be expected. The next todays he contacted me about every 5 hours or so , so I knew he was doing well. 

[Batya33]

4 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Thank you!! 
He called and text many times the first day because he needed support and to be expected. The next todays he contacted me about every 5 hours or so , so I knew he was doing well. 

Same happened with our son's first trip away a few months ago - lots of texting and certain days none (but this was with school)

[boltnrun]

My son went to sleep away camp for the first time when he was about 9. And he went across the country on a five day school trip when he was 10. No cell phones then! And he "forgot" to call from his hotel room a couple of times. Ugh.

I'm glad it went well. Maybe he'll want to do more trips. 

[Seraphim]

I am so happy for my son. It is a massive step for independence. He could very well want to go more places with friends. 

[catfeeder]

Hooray, Seraphim! Big step in courage for him to go in the first place, and the fact that he enjoyed the trip is a wonderful outcome.

Cheers!
Cat