Am I the ***?!

[Jaunty]

I would like to be clear though:  If someone asks you not to tell anyone something, and you agree to that, your idea of mitigating circumstances (in this case that the person is a bad friend, you didn't think that it was harmful for you to break your word under the circumstances, etc) are not pertinent.  

[Batya33]

15 hours ago, Jaunty said:

I would like to be clear though:  If someone asks you not to tell anyone something, and you agree to that, your idea of mitigating circumstances (in this case that the person is a bad friend, you didn't think that it was harmful for you to break your word under the circumstances, etc) are not pertinent.  

Or, alternatively -tell the person you DO NOT want to know.  I had a friend who wanted to show me a letter from her then SO's mistress written to my friend -a threatening letter.  Except I did not want to know the woman's name, I didn't want to know more details because I could support my friend without it and me knowing could mean me being entangled or me being put to the choice of revealing a secret if for example things got dangerous.  Nope nope nope. 

So I said no -don't show me.  Ironically after my friend's SO passed away I realized someone I knew from another city, who'd relocated briefly to our city - and was still an FB friend - was most likely the mistress. It was so random -my friend had no idea I could have possibly known this woman.  But since I was never told the name I could very honestly stay out of it since I had no real "proof" (and anyway the SO had passed so it's kind of irrelevant).  It's much better not to indulge in listening to gossip/agreeing to secrets like this.

[Lambert]

In some ways. Yes you are the ---.

As others have said, two wrongs don't make a right.  If you promise not to repeat something then you should not repeat it. To anyone. It's pretty clear.

Also, you're not strong enough to stand up for yourself. You allowed your bf and best friend to disrespect you.  You chose to say you forgive  and allow them in your life.

You justify this all by saying you don't have any quality people around you. So in a sense, this is the best you can do in terms of a bf and best friend. 

that's a self fulfilling experience. You can't accept garbage and expect it to not be garbage. Until you can leave these people and make room in your life for better, this stuff will just continue. It's a little game. They're strong enough to be mad at you,  but you always forgive them. 

Chances are you will continue to be good to them.  You won't break a promise again.  but do you think she probably didn't want you saying anything because they're still playing their game?  He had no problem going straight to her. No concerns about throwing you under the bus though. 

As the old saying goes, with friends like these who need enemies? 

 

 

[Jibralta]

On 3/6/2023 at 2:26 PM, TeeBell said:

AM I THE *** FOR TELLING HER SECRET??? Should i do everything i can to make it right? Do you think shes over reacting? am I over reacting??? 

Pound for pound, I think she's the bigger ***.

But is this really important?

I know you don't want anyone to analyze the critical piece of evidence where you've made a 14-year choice to put up with fair-weather fatherhood, dismal partnership, infidelity, betrayal, and a polyamorous relationship that made you feel like a sick and terrified piece of garbage.

But your complicity in this ongoing shtshow is the only reason why you're sitting here  asking yourself if your a/an ***, instead of enjoying life as a self-assured, proud and happy mother and wife.

Her being a bigger *** than you doesn't fix any of this. You have to cut these people out of your life--both her and your 'boyfriend'--or they're just going to continue to drag you down into hell. They're pigs.

Mistakes happen. We all make them. Time to acknowledge that your continued acceptance of this ugly situation has ben a 14-year mistake. Oops.

Dust yourself off, forgive yourself, cut these creeps out and move on before your 14-year mistake becomes a 30-year mistake, or a 50-year mistake.

[tattoobunnie]

On 3/6/2023 at 2:26 PM, TeeBell said:

the name of a guy she hooked up with in the distant past and she was telling me because she was nervous because this guy was going to be at a party we were both attending. She tells me not to tell anyone and i agree.

I guarantee she doesn't want anyone knowing because he was probably also with someone at the time too.  Your "friend" is what we call an A$$hole.  People like her are the $hit stirrers and stains of the planet.

I would move on from this drama-llama, and get rid of your dude.  He is foul.

You can forgive anyone you want, but it does not make them a good friend or a good boy friend.  She is not a good or best friend.  She is a selfish person.