ADVICE! First serious Break up

[cookiedo]

I need some advice on how to break it off with my long time cheating boyfriend, I’ve known for a while that he’s been talking to other girls behind my back weekly and secretly has social media accounts that I’m not even “allowed” to have or ever had like snapchat, Instagram, fake facebook account, now an only fans, and recently found out that he cheated years ago right before we got engaged and then while I was pregnant. He's still lying to me and continually looks for reasons why he doesn’t have to work or help me build this family together. We have children together and ive never broken up with anyone before…especially with kids and especially while living together for years. I feel like I’m definitely being taken advantage of and he will keep doing it until he gets caught it seems. And he has a suuper high sex drive with me, like sex 3 times a day weekly …its not like I’m not putting out or being adventurous..i’ve tried and he’s still looking in other directions. He lies to my face everyday and tells me how ridiculously beautiful I am and that if I knew that, I wouldn’t be with him, etc etc.  I’ve thought about saying to him over text after packing up and leaving  that he’s obviously not interested in the same things that I am, and hes just self sabotaging the relationship, until he wants to talk about “why” then don’t contact me.

But seriously I need some advice on how to do this so I don’t mess it up and end up making things worse.

[Batya33]

First I'd focus on the best interests of the children and consult with an attorney as far as a co-parenting plan/custody arrangements, and also focus on getting a suitable place to live.  

Why have you tolerated this awful treatment for so long? Did you find his controlling ways sexy and masculine at some earlier point?

[Kwothe28]

I dunno, I feel that, no matter how bad he is, after years and kids together even he deserves more then just a message. So, have a talk like a human beings and say that things just dont work out for you. You have plenty of reasons to just move away. I would also suggest a good family lawyer. So you could weigh in an options.

Also he is kinda abusive with you "not allowed" to have social media and such. If he has a bad temper, then maybe just a message is a good option. 

[boltnrun]

Definitely setup before you leave. Consult a family law attorney. Setup a place for you and the kids to live. Arrange for daycare if needed. Look into child counseling if you feel the kids might need it. Them follow the advice of the attorney. And definitely look into emotional support for yourself whether it be with a professional or from family and friends. 

 

 

[SooSad33]

56 minutes ago, cookiedo said:

I’ve thought about saying to him over text after packing up and leaving  that he’s obviously not interested in the same things that I am, and hes just self sabotaging the relationship, until he wants to talk about “why” then don’t contact me.

Nope, you don't even say this much.

You know how he is.  He's got some serious issues! That's it.

 

57 minutes ago, cookiedo said:

my long time cheating boyfriend,

THIS is what you need to remember.

 

When I left my messed up ex, I planned ahead & had kids clothes packed etc & ready to go when he was at work ( afternoon shift), then my parents & sister came by. She left w/ myself & kids & parents stayed behind to talk to him about it all.  Then he had 3 weeks to find a place of his own. ( which he didn't, so dad had to help him along, cause i had to get kids back home -----).

So, you plan it out. Is there a place for you to go?  Maybe even contact a shelter to help?

Make sure you have your own bank acct and contact a lawyer re: setting up visitation & child support.

BUT, be strong thru this.. lean on a friend, family. And do NOT give in to his crap anymore.  He's got some real problems which YOU do not approve of! ( He knows how he is, so you don't need to 'explain' it to him!).

Once you leave you can maybe arrange a time to meet - that or just leave him a short letter, that you two are done & you don't agree on this life with him.

Like I said, be strong.  If he's conniving, he'll cry & beg for your forgiveness, but you don't. You already know you're done with all of this.

 

[Jaunty]

You know this guy is a loser in every way - you have not mentioned a single redeeming quality.  So no need to think about that or catalog his foul behavior anymore.   

You need to make a plan for yourself and your kids and execute it.  Get the support of your friends and family members behind you.

I know it's not easy to extricate oneself from a bad relationship,  you're addicted to the drama evidently, but you know what you need to do.