What are peoples experiances with ignoring calls and emails

[law]

from their ex who dumped them?

My ex of 6 years who left me to date another guy had a habit everytime of contacting me over something lame, to try and tell me how wonderful her life was and asking me about mine in which I never told her anything.

Needless to say I could not be done with this BS so I have chose to not answer the calls she made the other day.

 

She came to collect her remaining items from my house and spoke to one of my house mates why I was not answering and he told her straight that I can't be bothered then she reluctently handed over the house key she has no real use for that she has been holding on to.

 

Me not being friends with her has been her worse fear and ever since we have split up 7 weeks ago she has just tried to make me jealous in some way every now and again.

 

Now I gather this really is cutting off and inducing the fear of loss to her, but also I was in a loose loose situation with her anyway and need to move on, so to avoid further mental damage to myself I thought I would make the painful decession of not taking calls or emails unless it is a very important life or death email (not that I am an emergency service)

[reflectionlessmirror]

You are very wise to wish to protect yourself by not acting on these petty calls and emails. Put yourself first, you owe her nothing.

[DN]

You are doing the absolute right thing. You need no contact in order to heal and she is merely being selfish if she wants comfort or whatever from you while you are trying to do that. Keep it up and good luck.

[chai714]

Nothing wrong with what you did at all Law. In fact, what you're doing is most psychologically nourishing for yourself. What you did may have induced some fear in her, since she has one less option now. You're on the right path to recovery.

[Falucchi]

It might just be me, but when someone has rejected me, and said they don't want to be with me... I really can't be bothered to want to keep in touch and share in the joy that is their life without me.

 

I guess I'm just not a very good person in that way, and pretty small minded when it comes to being "friends" with people who've hurt me.

[reflectionlessmirror]

Falucchi's response is so true it is humerous in some way. No S***! You are trying to get OVER someone,not get back with them! THis is what i am going through now... i feel like my ex only calls me when he is bored or thinks that i am seeing someone else. Sometime i think i jsut want ot get anew cell # so i can just MOVE ON!

[annie24]

It might just be me, but when someone has rejected me, and said they don't want to be with me... I really can't be bothered to want to keep in touch and share in the joy that is their life without me.

 

I guess I'm just not a very good person in that way, and pretty small minded when it comes to being "friends" with people who've hurt me.

 

I think this is the right attitude. I'm basically the same way. Why would I want to stay in touch with a man who has looked at me and all my qualities, and told me he doesn't want to spend time with me anymore. Ick! No thanks. There are plenty of people out there that DO appreciate me and want to hang out with me.

 

I think that's the right thing - talk to her, only if it's an emergency - fire, flood, or blood. But even then... isn't there someone else she can call?

[ecg1228]

annie24 wrote

 

I think this is the right attitude. I'm basically the same way. Why would I want to stay in touch with a man who has looked at me and all my qualities, and told me he doesn't want to spend time with me anymore. Ick! No thanks. There are plenty of people out there that DO appreciate me and want to hang out with me.

 

Boy, I wished I repeated this to myself when I (as the dumpee) kept trying to keep in contact with my loser ex, especially the last line. I ended up in a wonderful longterm relationship after him whereas he kept going from girl to girl, one of whom dumped him after she graduated college b/c she missed her family. He wasn't worth staying in her college town for!

 

Law, I commend you - you look very strong to her and all of us for not bothering with her. She made herself look less of a human being in everything she's done so far...whereas you held your dignity.

[RandomAdvisor]

And she's with a new guy to boot? After six years with you? She sure recovered from that breakup quickly. Either that or she was cheating on you towards the end, or at the very least window shopping for a new BF.

 

I don't understand how so many people don't get it. You dump someone, and then continue to call them? How many people really want to be friends with their exes? Especially right after the breakup?

 

You said it yourself, she's trying to make you jealous. You're doing the right thing! You should add her e-mail address to your block list, and call your phone company up and give them her # so they can block her calling your house too. Then you don't even have to put up with the phone ringing from her. Good riddance.

[Falucchi]

How many people really want to be friends with their exes? Especially right after the breakup?

 

I've never been friends with an ex. I don't wish them dead, but I have no interest in keeping in touch. I more or less say "Well, have a good life" and call it a day.

 

Besides... when I met someone new, I would feel like a loser if I had to admit to keeping in contact with people who dumped me. Or then, I might have to dump the ex if the new person didn't care for that "keep in touch" idea.

 

Although, that's happened to me-- an ex trying to keep in touch with stupid chatty emails, and then as a parting shot, sending a final email "I met someone new" and then sort of dumping me again by never emailing again LOL

[RandomAdvisor]

I've never been friends with an ex. I don't wish them dead, but I have no interest in keeping in touch. I more or less say "Well, have a good life" and call it a day.

 

 

Exactly. I'd only wish them dead if they cheated on me or something. But if you can't work your relationship out as lovers then being just friends probably isn't going to work either. I think that all you are to each other is a reminder of a failed relatonship. There are always exceptions of course, but as a general rule of thumb I think being friends with exes is bad.

[law]

Oh some_guy282, I know for a fact she did not cheat on me (sadly I have her email password and also know the full story), but I do know also at the time she was planning on sleeping with her new date although unsure of the idea or someone else later if it did not work out, but she was torn because (I know it sound s terribly ego driven ) but I am a f***ing good lookin guy. Just not appreciated after 6 years of relationship, my bro even says she was lucky with me and he was not trying to cheer me up.

 

This is why she has tried to keep one foot in the door, because of the sacrifice she was making over some ruffer looking oik simply because at the time they were available and they were someone different.

 

Well good riddence now. I am moving on and moving on up! she's now old school! She wants me she will have to get to the back of the que and then I might only hand her a picture of me, signed if she is lucky.

[benevolent]

Man, I haven't posted on this thing for the longest time. I was in a somewhat similar situation about a year ago. Because I didn't contact my ex at all, she basically freaked and constantly e-mailed my friends and family, called me and them and probably knocked on my door a few times. She even used her kids as pawns and would say things like "I have to make time and see them, etc..."

 

I think it's a safe assumption that she knew that she was losing that safety net (in me) since I basically voided her from my life and that is a horrible thing for people like her because now they are forced to live with their decision - which in some cases is a big mistake. Aside from that, there is also a loss of control or power that they once had over you, both emotionally and mentally.

 

When she finally got a hold of me, I kept it short and sweet and I think from that conversation she got the hint that she was "no longer the most important thing in my life." By that time, I was becoming more active and taking advantage of my newly found freedom. I made some new friends, started to date when I felt ready, started to learn guitar and just started having fun again. I think if you have been in a long-term relationship then you have to realize that it is okay to hurt and that you have as much time as possible to learn and grow from this past relationship. Don't resort to games, tactics or manipulative schemes to win her ex back, because ultimately in the end it just doesn't work out. It would just suck to fall back to ground zero, after repeating negative patterns and not gaining anything, but heartache and stress. I also wouldn't recommend reading her e-mails, I mean why torture yourself if you came accross something that just floored you? Plus, it's just wrong.

 

There's no set time limit for NC or the healing to be 100%, however, the more time you spend and learn about yourself, the better. Good for you that you seem to be moving on with a life without her.

[RandomAdvisor]

but I do know also at the time she was planning on sleeping with her new date although unsure of the idea or someone else later if it did not work out,

 

Well, then she was cheating on you emotionally at the very least. She had to have been getting intimate with this guy on a personal level to make the decision to sleep with him (unless of course she's promiscuis). So she was developing a romantic relationship with someone when she was with you. Emotional cheating.

 

In any event, be rid of her. You'll be better off.

[Rainz]

It might just be me, but when someone has rejected me, and said they don't want to be with me... I really can't be bothered to want to keep in touch and share in the joy that is their life without me.

 

I guess I'm just not a very good person in that way, and pretty small minded when it comes to being "friends" with people who've hurt me.

 

Nothing wrong with that at all!

 

Sounds much like how I deal with situations after someone has hurt me too.