How to move past a toxic ex

[90sboy]

I’m just looking for some advice. I have a new partner and I genuinely feel she is the person I want to move forward in life with.

My ex left me for a drug dealer after she found out she wasn’t pregnant last year following what seemed to be a very loving and committed relationship but has constantly been in and out of contact saying she made a mistake and we are soulmates etc but when it came to trying again, there was always an excuse why we couldn’t (she has bipolar so maybe I use that as an excuse not to be angry). 

The last time she contacted me again but this time showed much more intent on making things work, sending quotes on forgiving and doing things right etc. we met and had a night of regret together and after agreed it was a mistake. My sense of pride took a hit as I gave this person everything, took on all her issues and in the end I wasn’t enough to her. 
 

I am with my new partner since and the ex decides to create another email and try this cycle again. I of course did not entertain it and remained loyal to this amazing woman however the pride raises its head and I still allow her to have an impact on my mental state and question if I will be good enough for this even better person now. (I am not going to be childish, my ex is insanely beautiful on the outside and is almost of influencer status on social media with thousands of men trying to contact her) 

I suppose I just would like to know, does anyone have any experience on an ex making them feel inferior and how to not let it affect their new relationships and can they share their advice/knowledge? My question isn’t about the current partner as I know she is what I want but rather how to let my ex’s opinion of me go.

[Kwothe28]

43 minutes ago, 90sboy said:

My question isn’t about the current partner as I know she is what I want but rather how to let my ex’s opinion of me go.

Just dont care. Its like my mom says: "Once I let someone go down the water, then I just dont care". Meaning that once you accept its over, then they can plead to get back, tell all kinds of bad stuff about you, but it doesnt matter. Because you already let it go and it doesnt affect you. 

She still has at least some hold on you since you are still talking about her. Let it go, block her on everything and live your life with your current girlfriend in peace.

[Wiseman2]

44 minutes ago, 90sboy said:

I am with my new partner since and the ex decides to create another email and try this cycle again. I of course did not entertain it and remained loyal to this amazing woman 

You're doing the right thing staying loyal to and focusing on your new relationship.

Keep in mind that intensity is not intimacy and the ex seems like a lot of drama.

All you can do is close this chapter completely including deleting and blocking her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

 

[Lambert]

Sounds like the only really redeeming quality this woman has is physical attractiveness.  While that's great, it makes you sound pretty shallow.  That for all her ugliness, none of that matters, why? because men want her on the internet? 

Why do you think her opinion is so important to you?  She obviously makes horrible choices, dating a drug dealer.  

 

[90sboy]

26 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Just dont care. Its like my mom says: "Once I let someone go down the water, then I just dont care". Meaning that once you accept its over, then they can plead to get back, tell all kinds of bad stuff about you, but it doesnt matter. Because you already let it go and it doesnt affect you. 

She still has at least some hold on you since you are still talking about her. Let it go, block her on everything and live your life with your current girlfriend in peace.

Those are some very wise words and I appreciate them. She is blocked but has my email address and Creates new accounts when I put her in the spam folder. Unfortunately the hold is due to the fact that she was the person I trusted the most before and for the majority of the relationship made me a better person. We was engaged and living together, her family accepted me and treated me as their own and for a brief while we thought we was starting our own family 

[90sboy]

27 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You're doing the right thing staying loyal to and focusing on your new relationship.

Keep in mind that intensity is not intimacy and the ex seems like a lot of drama.

All you can do is close this chapter completely including deleting and blocking her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

 

Thank you for the advice. They are blocked but she will create new email accounts and email from there. As you say as long as I stay loyal it will eventually come to an end 

[90sboy]

15 minutes ago, Lambert said:

Sounds like the only really redeeming quality this woman has is physical attractiveness.  While that's great, it makes you sound pretty shallow.  That for all her ugliness, none of that matters, why? because men want her on the internet? 

Why do you think her opinion is so important to you?  She obviously makes horrible choices, dating a drug dealer.  

 

You are correct it is her only redeeming factor. The attractiveness does not dictate my reaction to her as I do see the vile and ugly side to her which is the real her. I think her opinion matters so much as we was set to make our own family as well as get married. I put so much effort into the relationship and her as a person that it feels like I was just not good enough. I’m glad you agree the drug dealer is an indication of poor choices and bad character. Thank you 

[boltnrun]

How would you feel if your current girlfriend broke up with you due to your attachment to your ex?

When you see these emails come through, why do you not just delete them without reading?

[SooSad33]

2 hours ago, 90sboy said:

My ex left me for a drug dealer after she found out she wasn’t pregnant last year following what seemed to be a very loving and committed relationship but has constantly been in and out of contact saying she made a mistake and we are soulmates etc but when it came to trying again, there was always an excuse why we couldn’t (she has bipolar so maybe I use that as an excuse not to be angry). 

The last time she contacted me again but this time showed much more intent on making things work, sending quotes on forgiving and doing things right etc. we met and had a night of regret together and after agreed it was a mistake. My sense of pride took a hit as I gave this person everything, took on all her issues and in the end I wasn’t enough to her. 

You just need to learn more about the instability of someone who's got bipolar.  You've already experienced her enough.... right?

Then you need to be stronger than this!  You stop ALL interactions now & seriously get it together.  She is not of a good frame of mind.

She's struggling with a lot and no one will ever be 'good enough'.  In time, they'll come to realize how she is.  She should be medicated & in therapy etc.

Anyways, keep your distance and focus on your new partner/relationship. ( Not sure how long it was before you got involved with this one... hopefully not right after her).  If this one is so much better, this is what you need to see and work on keeping this going.