Highly do not recommend rebounding as a means to get over being cheated on (Heartbroken)

[eNotAgain]

I have been on 4 dates with different guys since finding out my boyfriend cheated on me right before valentines day. I didn't like any of them and quickly cut the date short, which made me feel even worse. They all tried to kiss me and make advances which made me feel really uncomfortable and sad that I was even on those dates. One guy was a total A-hole and I nearly ended up crying.

I reached out to a guy I really liked who I stopped seeing in order to continue the new relationship with the guy who cheated on me, and he rejected me. Made me feel like I missed out on that opportunity out of my loyalty when I didn't even get the same courtesy in return from my bf. I should have just kept seeing him at the same time. Ugh.

I liked only one other guy but definitely not as much as I liked my ex. We slept together on the second date (I know, I was just really depressed). When I asked him if he was seeing anyone else he laughed at me and said he's talking to other women but not seeing them (lies) and said we've only hung out twice. I felt like an idiot. I also drank a lot that night which wasn't a good look probably. 

So I have decided to not go on anymore dates, its just making me feel more rejected, more depressed and no one is measuring up to him. He's still with the girl he cheated on me with. He literally got into another relationship while I am struggling to move on at all.

Whoever said the best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else. Clearly didn't know what they were talking about because this sucks.

[Kwothe28]

No one is measuring with the doctor that cheated on you? Maybe financially, but dont think other men are too far away as they are just as awful as the doctor.

Anyway, I think its OK for you not to date until you process some stuff. Especially when you are still not getting over your ex and comparing other men to him.

[boltnrun]

1 hour ago, eNotAgain said:

the best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else.

I have never subscribed to this ridiculous belief. Using another human (or allowing yourself to be used) does nothing but smash already fragile self esteem. You end up being either a callous user or having encounters with people who have zero emotional attachment (and therefore zero caring) to you. 

I'm sorry you followed that terrible advice. Hopefully it wasn't a friend who told you that because they're no friend at all if it was. 

And comparing men to that lying cheater? They should have compared favorably to him considering he's a lying POS.

1 hour ago, eNotAgain said:

When I asked him if he was seeing anyone else he laughed at me and said he's talking to other women but not seeing them (lies) and said we've only hung out twice

Trying to force an insta-relationship to soothe your pain just compounds the issue. That's how we end up in bad relationships with the wrong people. 

Please do stop having sex with random men (because that's who they basically are). Of course that makes you more depressed. You're hurting yourself instead of being kind.

Do things that make you feel calm and secure like spending time with friends and family. Work out, do something exceptional at work, learn to crochet or play pickleball. Get a massage or go to high tea with a friend. Instead of trying to find someone, anyone to distract you. The pain will lessen, I promise, but not if you keep going the way you have been. 

Also consider getting a pet if you don't already have one and have the time. Shelters are overflowing with animals who desperately need homes. 

[catfeeder]

8 hours ago, eNotAgain said:

Whoever said the best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else. Clearly didn't know what they were talking about because this sucks.

I agree, and I'm really sorry you're hurting.

If I could go back and tell my younger self anything that might help me better cope and heal after a breakup, it would be to decide exactly how much power this ex deserves to hold over my well being and my resilience and my ability to bounce back to create a happy life for myself.

This would help me to step up and have better days, even just for spite.

I'd keep asking myself this question every morning until the ex became so unimportant that the question became irrelevant.

Head high.

[MissCanuck]

8 hours ago, boltnrun said:

I have never subscribed to this ridiculous belief. Using another human (or allowing yourself to be used) does nothing but smash already fragile self esteem.

I tend to agree. 

OP, you are clearly not in a place to date or have sex with anyone else yet. And that's perfectly okay. It's going to take time. Put all men on the backburner until you have had time to heal. 

9 hours ago, eNotAgain said:

He's still with the girl he cheated on me with.

Are you still watching them on social media? 

[JTCW]

Honey, slow down and take a step back. All this dating is not helping. It's making you feel worse. Take a deep breath and take care of you for a while. Go and have a spa day and pamper yourself. Go shopping and treat yourself to new clothes and makeup. Put dating on the back burner.

[sweetlady]

On 2/20/2023 at 7:53 PM, eNotAgain said:

I have been on 4 dates with different guys since finding out my boyfriend cheated on me right before valentines day. I didn't like any of them and quickly cut the date short, which made me feel even worse. They all tried to kiss me and make advances which made me feel really uncomfortable and sad that I was even on those dates. One guy was a total A-hole and I nearly ended up crying.

I reached out to a guy I really liked who I stopped seeing in order to continue the new relationship with the guy who cheated on me, and he rejected me. Made me feel like I missed out on that opportunity out of my loyalty when I didn't even get the same courtesy in return from my bf. I should have just kept seeing him at the same time. Ugh.

I liked only one other guy but definitely not as much as I liked my ex. We slept together on the second date (I know, I was just really depressed). When I asked him if he was seeing anyone else he laughed at me and said he's talking to other women but not seeing them (lies) and said we've only hung out twice. I felt like an idiot. I also drank a lot that night which wasn't a good look probably. 

So I have decided to not go on anymore dates, its just making me feel more rejected, more depressed and no one is measuring up to him. He's still with the girl he cheated on me with. He literally got into another relationship while I am struggling to move on at all.

Whoever said the best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else. Clearly didn't know what they were talking about because this sucks.

I been there and it's best not to date until your properly healed plus got yourself to a better place of learning to be alone.

You rush thinking I deserve better starting meeting new people to find they no better than the person you broke up with.

Be very careful