Doctor boyfriend goes entire week without texting me

[eNotAgain]

No. He literally got me an expensive gemstone ring and a necklace for Christmas. Its Valentines day. Wasn't trying to win him over with gifts.

[mylolita]

Yes OP,

 

I would leave expensive personalised gifts for well into a relationship - minimum a year probably. 
 

When I met my husband, his birthday was a few weeks after we had met. Awkward! He loved plants and knew my Dad kept bonsai trees, some were nearly 100 years old! He had commented on how beautiful they were before. So, I went to a garden centre and picked him out a bonsai tree. It was called ‘tree of a thousand stars’ and has tiny tiny white flowers all over, like miniature blossom. 
 

It wasn’t expensive (under £50) but it had taken thought and care and he loved it and there it sat in our bedroom when we moved in together. 
 

Keep gifts simple and inexpensive if you’re only 3 months in. Just a heads up! It’s very lovely and thoughtful what you did but, he doesn’t deserve it OP!

 

x

[mylolita]

3 minutes ago, eNotAgain said:

No. He literally got me an expensive gemstone ring and a necklace for Christmas. Its Valentines day. Wasn't trying to win him over with gifts.

Too much too early in! 
 

x

[mylolita]

I apologise if I am really off the mark with this OP but, it seems like you are impressed by the fact he is a doctor/or impressed enough to let him use this as a valid excuse for never contacting you, giving you straight answers or prioritising you?

 

I mean, it’s a fine and admirable profession, but in the words of Shania Twain, “it don’t impress me much!” 
 

Judge the quality of a man by how he treats others and especially you, not what his occupation is. Occupations come and go, people change direction, are unable to work suddenly due to health reasons, get laid off, all kinds of things. 
 

I get the impression his occupation lets him string a lot of girls along with the same “too busy” excuse. Even the president of the United States has time for family, and takes a holiday. Elon Musk makes time to exercise daily. Men in the army away on life threatening tours protecting their country make time to call home. I just don’t buy it!!!

 

Can I be frank? He may be a doctor or whatever, but above that, he’s being an a**hole! 

 

x

[boltnrun]

I would wonder why he considers you something he needs to decompress FROM rather than someone he wants to decompress WITH.  In other words, he considers being with you stressful for some reason. When I'm having a tough time the person I'm in love with and in a relationship with is the one I want to turn to and be with.  Perhaps it was the accusation of cheating that finally sent him over the edge of not wanting to prioritize spending time with you.  However, it seems he was scaling back before that.

I highly recommend you do not chase him anymore.  Don't "follow up" on tentative plans and don't contact him to "say 'hi'" or to "see how he's doing".  If he wants this to be a relationship he can make the effort.

As for the expensive engraved watch, I doubt it's returnable since you had it personalized.  I would look into selling it online and whoever buys it can have the name etched off. 

I'm sorry, I know this is hurtful and disappointing.  But it doesn't seem salvageable at this point.

[eNotAgain]

Actually I won't go into detail but I JUST found out with proof that he was in fact cheating. I broke up with him.

[boltnrun]

6 minutes ago, eNotAgain said:

Actually I won't go into detail but I JUST found out with proof that he was in fact cheating. I broke up with him.

What a POS.  Thinks he can have two girlfriends and get away with it because he's a doctor who women are panting after.  

Good for you for tossing him into the garbage pile.

Sell the watch on eBay.  Someone whose partner has the same name might want it to give as a gift.

[MissCanuck]

13 minutes ago, eNotAgain said:

Actually I won't go into detail but I JUST found out with proof that he was in fact cheating. I broke up with him.

Good for you. 

That sure explains his long absences. Heed your own instincts in the future when something doesn't smell right. You were spot-on about it. 

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, eNotAgain said:

Actually I won't go into detail but I JUST found out with proof that he was in fact cheating. I broke up with him.

Cant say I am really surprised. Again, everybody wants doctor bf/husband and think they struck gold with it. Until they find the schedule or that doctors,  due to high demand, have a lot of options. 

Take it as a lesson for further time. And dont excuse bad behavior thinking your case is special. 

[Starlight925]

I'm so sorry.  This is so disappointing, and I know you must feel so hurt.

As for the watch, is there a way to remove engraving and smooth it out?  Not saying it could be returned after that, but it could be sold via a shopping app.

As for your heart, this is truly hurtful.  Hugs to you.

You will look back and see all the little orange blinking flags that turned to red, once enough space and time have passed.

How did you find out?

[Jibralta]

1 hour ago, eNotAgain said:

I JUST found out with proof that he was in fact cheating.

There you go! Thankfully, it was only a couple of months. Still a waste. But it could have been worse. You'll know better next time. 

[mylolita]

OP,

I’m sorry you had to find that out.

 

I didn’t want to say it but now it’s out anyway - I just want to add, obviously, obviously(!) not all medical staff are like this, but I know so many as friends, and there is a running joke about the night shift and then with nurses, just like pilots with the air hostesses when they sleep over and get to spend a night at their destination before taking the flight home the next day.

 

I have to say of course not all doctors cheat, but just be careful. My best friend married a consultant at a hospital (he was in Pediatrics), and a year into their marriage she caught a history of loads and loads of “nurse porn”. Totally normal little kink you would say but, he was very distant with her, never wanted to see her/have sex with her, and during his long night shifts it was him and a bunch of nurses while children in the ward slept. I know, right? Who knows. She never did find out if he was cheating, but she suspected it massively.
 

Just a heads up. If a man is really into you and loves you, he makes time for you.

 

Well done for seeing this early, you did the right thing. All the best for the future! 
 

x