Not sure where to go with my career

[Batya33]

10 minutes ago, Betterwithout said:

You were well suited for the job and would have been a great fit.  Someone else was just a shade different in some way.  You will never know, so don't bother dwelling.
I don't think it would hurt to send a follow up email in 3 months.  (after the probationary period with the new hire is over)  Maybe that person will not be a good fit for the company.
There is also a lot of turnover in many companies, so might as well keep your name top of mind as candidate #2!

In the meantime, dust yourself off, sharpen some skills and do some networking for another employer. 

Good points! Almost `15 years ago I interviewed twice for my dream job -first interview then a follow up.  Two weeks later I was told that they'd decided to let the current employee telecommute (he was relocating which is why the position was open). 

Because I'd gotten the interview from a headhunter, she was able to tell me the reason.  A few months later the headhunter called me - turned out the telecommuting employee didn't work out, I was on a short list of candidates and was I interested in doing my third-and final interview.  It was a really tough decision but since I was then pregnant (in fact I might have been at the second interview but I had no idea!!).

I realize that interviewing in my condition would be inappropriate even though I wasn't showing and they wouldn't be allowed to ask me.  So I never knew if I'd have actually gotten this job - but see -things can change really fast!

[Looktothesky]

Thanks all. What would I say in a follow-up months from now? 

It’s a pretty large company so I can always keep looking and apply for a different team. I’m just worried I did or said something to put me on a do-not-hire list or something..

[Batya33]

19 minutes ago, Looktothesky said:

Thanks all. What would I say in a follow-up months from now? 

It’s a pretty large company so I can always keep looking and apply for a different team. I’m just worried I did or said something to put me on a do-not-hire list or something..

I would not follow up.  I would follow up only to apply to a different position.  I only would ask my headhunter if she knew why I wasn't invited back.  

[Looktothesky]

Ok, thanks. So the email from the internal recruiter said “if you have any questions or would like feedback on our decision, you can reach out to me” should I just not do that?

[Looktothesky]

Another rejection today. That’s three this week…I feel useless. Why is it that I’ve been promoted, been getting raises, more responsibilities, etc. but can’t move on to a better place

[mylolita]

Evening Looktothesky,

 

We all have to pay the bills some way, or, the majority of us, anyway. But we only have one life, you don’t want to waste it doing what you think you should be doing, or pleasing any kind of societal expectation, if it means stress and misery for the rest of? 
 

It’s so hard to know what you really want to do, so so many people struggle with this, way past their 40s. It’s a luxury to be able to ponder this in a way.

 

I once read a quote that stood out too me:

 

“Success is doing what you want to do, when you want, where you want, with whom you want, as much as you want.” 
 

Some people are extremely lucky and work out a way to make their passion and talent pay. It doesn’t mean just because they are living their dream and receiving cheques for it that they are always happy, never stressed or completely content though. Anything throws up niggles and stress and anxiety from time to time, absolutely anything, even if you absolutely adore doing it. So don’t put too much pressure on yourself.

 

Have you ever gone deep within and asked yourself, what makes you happy? What your passions and dreams are? What your goals are, putting everyone else aside, your girlfriend included. What really makes you tick? Imagine five, ten years from now. What do you want your life to look like? To feel like? What would make you happy?

 

Some people discover through working for others that really, they need to be their own boss. Others in very stressful professions suddenly realise they have a drive to do something creative. Some people work in an office all day long and come to the conclusion they are happiest outdoors, and need to do something that sets them outside into nature. The list can go on! 

Isolating your dream is the hard part. I would recommend, if you do have a passion or desire or talent you think you could make money off, to work on this as a sideline alongside your normal job, and pursue and build it up until you can support yourself in a stable way with your passion.

 

It’s kind of dream speak, isn’t it, but I think it’s the end goal for so many people, but so few put it into action, because it’s an extremely hard thing to do.

 

In my opinion, anything you get paid for that isn’t what you would do for free is a job. If you want to get paid for a passion you would be doing anyway, it takes a whole lot of self searching and then industrious action to put your dream into the real world. 
 

My husband has owned his own business for 20 plus years dealing in fine art and antiques. But! He finds it incredibly stressful. And if he could quit tomorrow, he would. What he’d really like to do is spend more time with me and the kids and photograph “night sports” like pool and boxing matches and young youths on the street. Photography is his passion, but he doesn’t get paid for that. If he could, I think that would be his dream job! 
 

Life is short, and you spend a lot of your life at work. The ideal aim is to at least make it something you enjoy, or get satisfaction from, or beyond that, get paid for doing something that you truly love. 
 

I realise the bills need paying, but aiming high is never a bad thing. You don’t need to quit your steady job to start pursuing something you are passionate about.

 

I wish you the best of luck! 
 

x

[Looktothesky]

49 minutes ago, mylolita said:

Evening Looktothesky,

 

We all have to pay the bills some way, or, the majority of us, anyway. But we only have one life, you don’t want to waste it doing what you think you should be doing, or pleasing any kind of societal expectation, if it means stress and misery for the rest of? 
 

It’s so hard to know what you really want to do, so so many people struggle with this, way past their 40s. It’s a luxury to be able to ponder this in a way.

 

I once read a quote that stood out too me:

 

“Success is doing what you want to do, when you want, where you want, with whom you want, as much as you want.” 
 

Some people are extremely lucky and work out a way to make their passion and talent pay. It doesn’t mean just because they are living their dream and receiving cheques for it that they are always happy, never stressed or completely content though. Anything throws up niggles and stress and anxiety from time to time, absolutely anything, even if you absolutely adore doing it. So don’t put too much pressure on yourself.

 

Have you ever gone deep within and asked yourself, what makes you happy? What your passions and dreams are? What your goals are, putting everyone else aside, your girlfriend included. What really makes you tick? Imagine five, ten years from now. What do you want your life to look like? To feel like? What would make you happy?

 

Some people discover through working for others that really, they need to be their own boss. Others in very stressful professions suddenly realise they have a drive to do something creative. Some people work in an office all day long and come to the conclusion they are happiest outdoors, and need to do something that sets them outside into nature. The list can go on! 

Isolating your dream is the hard part. I would recommend, if you do have a passion or desire or talent you think you could make money off, to work on this as a sideline alongside your normal job, and pursue and build it up until you can support yourself in a stable way with your passion.

 

It’s kind of dream speak, isn’t it, but I think it’s the end goal for so many people, but so few put it into action, because it’s an extremely hard thing to do.

 

In my opinion, anything you get paid for that isn’t what you would do for free is a job. If you want to get paid for a passion you would be doing anyway, it takes a whole lot of self searching and then industrious action to put your dream into the real world. 
 

My husband has owned his own business for 20 plus years dealing in fine art and antiques. But! He finds it incredibly stressful. And if he could quit tomorrow, he would. What he’d really like to do is spend more time with me and the kids and photograph “night sports” like pool and boxing matches and young youths on the street. Photography is his passion, but he doesn’t get paid for that. If he could, I think that would be his dream job! 
 

Life is short, and you spend a lot of your life at work. The ideal aim is to at least make it something you enjoy, or get satisfaction from, or beyond that, get paid for doing something that you truly love. 
 

I realise the bills need paying, but aiming high is never a bad thing. You don’t need to quit your steady job to start pursuing something you are passionate about.

 

I wish you the best of luck! 
 

x

Thank you.

I’ve always preferred more creative things. I really liked writing in school and had teachers/professors say I was good at it. I also really like making music.
 

I guess the downside for writing to me is that it would be hard to make decent money doing it.

And for music, I’m not classically trained in any way and from what I know, it’s even harder to make decent money doing that. Additionally I’m just not that good at it heh.
 

It seems like it won’t be long before AI will be able to do all these things anyway, and companies will rather go that route than pay for human labor.

What’s made me happiest in my current job is making things that make people’s jobs easier. In my last job what made me happiest was making advertisements to (theoretically) help small businesses. So I guess helping people is what makes me feel most content. I’m just not sure what form that could take for me. I don’t feel like I’m good at much, and trying to get good at something new feels daunting as there will be other people who’ve been doing it much longer than I have.

I’ve never been an outdoorsy person but I’ve found when I’m outside I’m feeling most content. I’ve considered being a postal worker as a possible option. But from what I’ve read the job isn’t what it used to be.

In 5-10 years I’d like to have a modest house, making enough money to not have to struggle, with enough free time to devote to creative pursuits and occasional traveling.

[mylolita]

14 minutes ago, Looktothesky said:

Thank you.

I’ve always preferred more creative things. I really liked writing in school and had teachers/professors say I was good at it. I also really like making music.
 

I guess the downside for writing to me is that it would be hard to make decent money doing it.

And for music, I’m not classically trained in any way and from what I know, it’s even harder to make decent money doing that. Additionally I’m just not that good at it heh.
 

It seems like it won’t be long before AI will be able to do all these things anyway, and companies will rather go that route than pay for human labor.

What’s made me happiest in my current job is making things that make people’s jobs easier. In my last job what made me happiest was making advertisements to (theoretically) help small businesses. So I guess helping people is what makes me feel most content. I’m just not sure what form that could take for me. I don’t feel like I’m good at much, and trying to get good at something new feels daunting as there will be other people who’ve been doing it much longer than I have.

I’ve never been an outdoorsy person but I’ve found when I’m outside I’m feeling most content. I’ve considered being a postal worker as a possible option. But from what I’ve read the job isn’t what it used to be.

In 5-10 years I’d like to have a modest house, making enough money to not have to struggle, with enough free time to devote to creative pursuits and occasional traveling.

No problem Looktothesky! 
 

You will be good at something! You might not even know it yet! 
 

I say - stop being so down on yourself! There is humble and then there is not realising your potential my dear! 
 

Your future goals sounds lovely, really great. 
 

You know yourself deep down. If it’s writing or something creative that really gets you and makes you feel, feel alive(!), then you can always work on this or go at this alongside your current job. There’s no harm in that. So what if you’re not classically trained? Neither are all the rock stars that ever headed up the bands everyone worships! “Technicality” isn’t everything. In my opinion, it isn’t even half, not in creative pursuits. 
 

It’s very admirable you feel the desire to provide for your girlfriend. I think most men feel this drive, it’s nothing to be ashamed about. My husband is exactly the same way. He’s always provided for me and the kids and it’s a great source of pride for him. I take care of him in other ways that aren’t financial - I don’t work (no minds in the gutter LOL!) 

 

I really wish you the best of luck! 
 

I mean, I had such a similar issue by the way Looktothesky! When I was 18 I was faced with career advisors and college professors telling me to make a decision regarding a degree and which university and I thought, when I was 16, two years would be enough - but it wasn’t. It really wasn’t. And I had many restless nights of the soul, I can tell you that. I thought about all the people I’d disappoint by not going to university. I thought about my parents, about what all my friends were doing. How I’d be the only one not going. I thought - how am I going to make any money? I thought, this world, this era, is not for me. What’s a girl like me supposed to do? Because at 18, if I were truly honest, I just wanted to fall in love, and be a full time mother. But that’s not a job description! 
 

I did in the end though! I’ve been a full time mum for 6 years now. Well, I had a full year doing not much but renovating our house before I got pregnant. We have three kids. I STILL don’t know what I want to do for a “job!” If I had to be pushed, I flummox. I love writing, like you! I do it nearly everyday, for no pay. If I could be paid to write, well wow! But that time hasn’t come and, I’m living my own personal little version of heaven at the moment. I’m 33. 
 

Whatever your dream is - it’s not impossible, it’s not stupid and it’s not “not for you”! 
 

There is no harm in trying, and failing. The disappointing thing would be to never try! 
 

There’s a cool film called ‘Waking Life’. In it there is a quote! 
 

———

“The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone. Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, and maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own. Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it, but in your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents; you never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.”

———

 

- Baz Luhrmann

 

x

 

[Looktothesky]

I got feedback from the company. 

One of the things they mentioned as an “area of opportunity” was that my communication style was “quiet” and “reserved” and that they sensed nervousness. I’m sort of hating myself right now.

[boltnrun]

27 minutes ago, Looktothesky said:

I got feedback from the company. 

One of the things they mentioned as an “area of opportunity” was that my communication style was “quiet” and “reserved” and that they sensed nervousness. I’m sort of hating myself right now.

No need to hate yourself. You didn't get a few jobs you applied for. I think most of us have gone through that. 

I had been on a successful career path with a major, major company for six years when I decided to abruptly leave during the worst of the pandemic (I had very good reasons). Not a great time to be job hunting, to say the least. And the position I had at that company didn't really translate to other companies. I had to reach back six years to previous experience to find a new job. Fortunately I was able to find my current terrific job. But that was after several rejections, including one where I had two in person interviews and the person interviewing me called me "a breath of fresh air". I ended up not getting hired because I was too old for what they wanted. Ouch. 

I know it's difficult to transfer your usual communication style to one that is more gregarious and animated, but sometimes that's what companies are looking for. Others prefer quiet and reserved as it shows maturity. Unfortunately we don't know what the preference is ahead of time.

It's likely going to take some time and several interviews before you find the right fit. And that's OK. Perfectly normal.

In the meantime I suggest practicing interviewing with a focus on coming across as more upbeat and animated. Don't fling your arms around or shout, but use a more emphatic voice and more expression on your face. Sometimes we have to "act" during interviews, so maybe some videos on how to project more personality might be helpful.

Good luck. 

[Looktothesky]

Thank you.

I will definitely work on how I present myself. It’s frustrating because I already felt like I was “acting the part” so to speak.

Just feeling so overwhelmed at work. I feel like there’s a piano over my head that’s just gonna drop at any minute.

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, Looktothesky said:

Thank you.

I will definitely work on how I present myself. It’s frustrating because I already felt like I was “acting the part” so to speak.

Just feeling so overwhelmed at work. I feel like there’s a piano over my head that’s just gonna drop at any minute.

Agree with Bolt. Valuable input and I'm sorry you're struggling! You are so lucky to get any feedback -can you try to think of it that way? Think of it like rehearsing for a play - actors have to rehearse and practice a lot!  I think you'll get there!

[Looktothesky]

Thank you.

My fear is - what if I’m not any good at what I do? In my first year my supervisor told me I have a knack for the work and can see me being the leader of our team. There have been so many changes since then and I’ve been struggling just to stay afloat. There’s just too much to do and I’m not able to do my best work since I’m spread so thin. It doesn’t help that my new boss is pretty non-communicative and doesn’t take much interest in helping us.

[boltnrun]

You're in an unsatisfactory work environment, to say the least. It's hard to be your best when conditions don't allow you to. I have had to work with supervisors and GMs that seemed determined to undermine everything I was required to do and it was supremely frustrating. However, I am thriving in my current job despite some very minor annoyances. So culture and environment make huge differences.

I encourage you to keep applying. It may take some time but the right fit will come along. And please don't make the mistake of leaping on the first offer just because you want out so badly. Don't compound the situation and make it worse by jumping prematurely. Make sure it at least is presented as the right fit before giving notice. 

[Looktothesky]

Thank you. I definitely will be careful about that.
 

As bad as things are right now, I at least have a very good salary, benefits, 401k, etc. I wouldn’t want to throw that away for a situation where it’ll be the same or worse. I’ve talked with a few places where that was evident and withdrew from the process.

[Looktothesky]

I got an offer! Feeling a little bit of cold feet though. But I’ve been miserable at my current position and I don’t see things heading in a good direction for me here.

The pros:

- 20% pay increase

- Same technical work but for a product that is more interesting to me.

- senior job title

- work culture seems more relaxed, boss seems friendlier

 

The cons:

- Less vacation time (I don’t take much time off as it is though)

- No match on 401k (current company doesn’t match very much though)

- It’s the unknown and I’m scared!

 

Also, I was planning on negotiating a certain start date in order to finish my two weeks and have a week off in between jobs. But when the recruiter called and asked if two weeks from now worked I panicked and said it would work. So the offer letter has that start date. Would it be bad form to go back and ask if we could push the start date back a week at this point?

[boltnrun]

8 minutes ago, Looktothesky said:

Would it be bad form to go back and ask if we could push the start date back a week at this point?

Yes, it would, actually. I'm not sure why you "panicked". Did you fear they would rescind the offer if you said you needed three weeks instead of two?

And why do you need the extra week? Is it a need or just a want?

It's always a bit nerve wracking to start a new job. But the alternative is to stay where you're at. Does that appeal to you?

[Looktothesky]

Just now, boltnrun said:

Yes, it would, actually. I'm not sure why you "panicked". Did you fear they would rescind the offer if you said you needed three weeks instead of two?

And why do you need the extra week? Is it a need or just a want?

It's always a bit nerve wracking to start a new job. But the alternative is to stay where you're at. Does that appeal to you?

Yes that was my fear. The extra week was just a want, in order to decompress a little. I don’t think I will ask about it.

Staying where I’m at does not appeal to me at all

 

[boltnrun]

Perhaps your current company will invite you to leave immediately instead of working out your full two weeks. Alternatively, you could cut one day off the last week and take a three day weekend. After all, what are they going to do, fire you?? 😆

[boltnrun]

BTW, congrats on the new job!

[Looktothesky]

Very true! My former coworker totally checked out when he put in his notice and they told him to just stop working. That’s one approach.

[Looktothesky]

Feeling very apprehensive about taking this offer. I’ve been reading reviews of the company and a lot of them are quite negative. Being overworked and undervalued, poor management skills, etc, hiring then firing people. I’m just not sure what to do. Something’s telling me to stick with my current position and keep looking for a better opportunity.
 

Have to let them know by EOD today…

[Jibralta]

21 hours ago, Looktothesky said:

I got an offer! Feeling a little bit of cold feet though. But I’ve been miserable at my current position and I don’t see things heading in a good direction for me here.

I'd go for it. I'd ask for the extra week, too. I've not taken the 'decompression week' in the past and regretted it. But I wouldn't tell the new employer that it was to decompress. I'd just say that my current company asked me to stay on a little bit longer to tie up some loose ends.

[Looktothesky]

Thanks. Unfortunately I think my window has passed for asking for that. Does my post above change your opinion at all?

[Jibralta]

14 minutes ago, Looktothesky said:

I think my window has passed for asking for that.

Why? You haven't accepted the offer yet, right?

12 minutes ago, Looktothesky said:

Does my post above change your opinion at all?

No. You said that you feel like a piano is going to drop on your head at your current job. 

I think you're just running to the devil you know instead of taking a chance on the unknown. It may seem safer to stay, but realistically you know you hate it there. 

I'd take the chance. That 'devil you know' business is a false sense of security.