Not sure where to go with my career

[Looktothesky]

I am 31 years old and have been working in my current field for a little over two years. It’s unclear to me whether I should try to continue in this field or look for something that may be better suited for me.

For some background, I graduated with a BA in communication in 2014. Unfortunately, I was very immature in school and didn’t really pay much mind to what I really wanted to do/what I’d need to do to get there. I figured having a degree would be enough and I’d have no trouble making it work.

That fall after graduation I got a job doing customer service / “graphic design” for a small newspaper. The pay was very low but I was just happy to get the experience. I wound up staying there longer than I would’ve liked, because I had no idea what else I’d be doing. I liked doing the graphic design we were doing, but it was pretty clear to me that I just didn’t have the skill or eye to take that much further.  I knew I’d have to gain some new skills and try something else. I was not making a livable salary and the work was mundane.

In 2020 I started a web development bootcamp after some months of studying the basics on my own. The work was challenging but I was able to get through the course and landed my first job in the field in Nov. 2020. It was quite an adjustment but I liked the challenges I was presented with and I certainly liked the salary.

Since then I’ve been promoted twice and am making just under 3x my salary at the newspaper. But lately I have been struggling with so much anxiety due to work that I am totally miserable.Our company was acquired and due to staffing changes I am now the most senior member of my department. I do not feel comfortable in that role as I feel I have so much learning to do. I’m also expected to do things which are much more in line with what a junior employee would be doing (handling support tickets) and I feel like I can’t keep my head above water!

I was diagnosed with social anxiety which makes it hard for me to speak up and ask for clarification or help when I need it. My boss is not the nicest guy which makes it even harder for me. I have a hard time keeping all the moving parts of the corporate world straight. I struggle in meetings with clients and feel like I’m getting lost in a sea of business acronyms and corporate jargon. My junior coworkers tell me I’m one of the best developers they’ve ever met, my old coworker who trained me says I’m really good, and my boss obviously trusts me enough to give me these promotions. But it’s not enough to get over the self-doubt I feel. 

I don’t want to give up on this as a career. I do think that I need to try working at another company that has more staff. I started looking last week and have already got interviews lined up. But the more I struggle in my current position the more I worry that the same problems are just going to follow me wherever I go. Every day I live in fear of getting fired or reprimanded. I feel immense pressure to keep going because I used to feel like a failure around friends and family during my old job. Now I feel like finally I’ve proven myself. I’ve come so far but now it feels like I have so much farther to fall.

I want to have enough money to allow my girlfriend and I to live the life we want. Not that we are excessive or flashy people, but I want to be able to provide us with a decent house, occasional vacations, etc. This career seems like the most viable option to make that happen but I don’t know if I’m cut out for it.

I sometimes daydream about doing anything not related to building tech stuff. I come from an extended family filled with teachers. I often wish I had just gone down that path, as if it’s in my blood or something. I know it’s a very difficult job in its own way, but I can’t help but feel like it could be more rewarding. When my dad passed away we heard from all kinds of former students of his whose lives he impacted in some way big or small. I feel that deep down I want to help people. My options feel limited because I don’t have the best communication skills or people skills. And now that I’m in my thirties I worry that it’s too late to try and retrain into something else. And I dread the financial/time investment it would take. And then I worry about what kind of job I could possibly take that won’t someday be automated away?

[Batya33]

So  I'm of course not sure where you live but as a former classroom teacher (and my husband's and my family also full of classroom teachers) I know certain cities have these programs where they accept people from other fields who do not have a teaching degree or experience and train them and get them started in a classroom (not Teach For America although I know some who have tried that -it wasn't a thing when I was a teacher and I did have a teaching degree and license).

Teaching doesn't pay very well as you know.  It can be extremely rewarding.  Your social anxiety and fears may be triggered in certain schools and with certain principals for sure.  But you might like the work more.  It's not easy.  At all. And it's not like you leave the classroom at 3 and go home bye bye see ya.  As you know from your parents.  

There's no point in being miserable and making the $ because then you'll also be anxiety-ridden on vacations right? Does your gf make a good living? What are her financial goals and career goals? 

No 30s is not too late at all!  And you have a high level position now.  I mean sure you can try a better environment that isn't understaffed where you have better mentors/bosses.  Or can you turn to any professional organizations for guidance? People you know who do what you do at other companies?  It sounds like you don't have the same passion anymore for doing what you're doing.  You don't have to be overjoyed of course -you can get that from outside work activities or hobbies -but you have to be into it enough.  Sounds like you might be done.

[Looktothesky]

39 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

So  I'm of course not sure where you live but as a former classroom teacher (and my husband's and my family also full of classroom teachers) I know certain cities have these programs where they accept people from other fields who do not have a teaching degree or experience and train them and get them started in a classroom (not Teach For America although I know some who have tried that -it wasn't a thing when I was a teacher and I did have a teaching degree and license).

Teaching doesn't pay very well as you know.  It can be extremely rewarding.  Your social anxiety and fears may be triggered in certain schools and with certain principals for sure.  But you might like the work more.  It's not easy.  At all. And it's not like you leave the classroom at 3 and go home bye bye see ya.  As you know from your parents.  

There's no point in being miserable and making the $ because then you'll also be anxiety-ridden on vacations right? Does your gf make a good living? What are her financial goals and career goals? 

No 30s is not too late at all!  And you have a high level position now.  I mean sure you can try a better environment that isn't understaffed where you have better mentors/bosses.  Or can you turn to any professional organizations for guidance? People you know who do what you do at other companies?  It sounds like you don't have the same passion anymore for doing what you're doing.  You don't have to be overjoyed of course -you can get that from outside work activities or hobbies -but you have to be into it enough.  Sounds like you might be done.

I’m in Ohio, I’ve looked into options for people w/o education degrees but not extensively. I guess that is my biggest fear, my social anxiety could make me even more miserable in a school setting than a corporate setting. Especially dealing with parents. I think of the teachers I had in school where the kids just clearly didn’t respect them and knew they could walk all over them, and I don’t want to be that person.

My gf does not make great money (non-profit) and is currently at a similar crossroads herself, wanting to do something that involves people more than her current role.

I do know some people at other companies who do what I do. I’ve considered reaching out to them and just seeing what their daily life is like. My coworker who left for a bigger, more reputable company says the difference is like night and day.

And it’s unclear to me whether I’m done. I definitely feel burnt out, but it’s hard to tell how much of that is due to this specific situation and how much is due to the work. I do know I’m happiest in the increasingly rare moments when I’m left alone and can focus on coding something new. Lately it’s been all putting out fires. I think you could be right that I might be done which would be hard to admit after all the time and money I invested to get to this point. I feel like I owe it to myself to at least try a position at a new company. If that doesn’t change how I feel then I’ll know.

[Batya33]

Does your company have an employee assistance program? 

When I was in my 20s I had a long term sub position teaching 5th grade and I arrived in November.  They walked all over me.  It was awful.  Until my mom's friend, a veteran teacher, sat me down and told me what to do and recommended a book.  Which I read like the bible.  And implemented.  They stopped walking all over me.  

Social anxiety is not a good combo for classroom teaching I agree -I love public speaking, I love teaching, I always had good rapport with children.  I sometimes miss it -I taught for about three years in my 20s before switching careers.  The main reasons were $ and being treated abysmally in the public school system in which I did most of my teaching. I was done. 

[Looktothesky]

2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Does your company have an employee assistance program? 

When I was in my 20s I had a long term sub position teaching 5th grade and I arrived in November.  They walked all over me.  It was awful.  Until my mom's friend, a veteran teacher, sat me down and told me what to do and recommended a book.  Which I read like the bible.  And implemented.  They stopped walking all over me.  

Social anxiety is not a good combo for classroom teaching I agree -I love public speaking, I love teaching, I always had good rapport with children.  I sometimes miss it -I taught for about three years in my 20s before switching careers.  The main reasons were $ and being treated abysmally in the public school system in which I did most of my teaching. I was done. 

Not that I know of. I’ll have to look into that.

I’m just struggling to think of anything else I’d excel at. I don’t feel very intelligent. I’ve been considering USPS, a mail carrier feels like a dream job for me in some ways, but the consensus seems to be that their mail carriers are very overworked. 

[Kwothe28]

I think its just a company. Maybe in the better work environment, you would strive. But, with bad working conditions and bad boss, you are feeling under the wheather. Which is a shame because you did pretty well as far as the transition goes. Managed to aquire skills needed and landed a pretty good job. It would be a shame if you go back now. So, maybe switching companies would be a good idea and would bring you more peace.

[Batya33]

11 hours ago, Looktothesky said:

Not that I know of. I’ll have to look into that.

I’m just struggling to think of anything else I’d excel at. I don’t feel very intelligent. I’ve been considering USPS, a mail carrier feels like a dream job for me in some ways, but the consensus seems to be that their mail carriers are very overworked. 

Why do you have to "excel" and given your job why don't you feel intelligent - your job requires smarts, right? If you fear really hard work that's another issue. And if you don't want to work too hard then I'd do part time gigs like instacart or uber where you can make your own hours.  Also if your gf wants to live a certain lifestyle then it's up to her to either get a side hustle or veer away from nonprofit.  It should not be all on you.  (Oh and I'm not going to recommend stay at home dad if  you two have kids -that's extremely hard work).

Many jobs require overwork at times and if you don't love certain work you'll feel overworked no matter what.  Get real with yourself about how hard you want to work and what you want out of work and what your long term professional and financial goals are.

[Starlight925]

I'm someone who changed careers multiple times, finally settling on what I do now (that I love) when I was in my early 40's.  I chose an early path that was my dream, finally getting to that actual "dream job", and hated it with a passion.  I came home crying every night.  When I left that path, people told me I was crazy, that I'd never have that chance again, that "a million people" would want that job.  Great, they can have it.

What I do now is considered so mundane and just....odd....to people that when I'm asked at parties what I do for a living, I get this blank stare.  I get "Oh, I didn't know they had a job for that."  I don't care.  I truly enjoy it.  

Oh, and eventually, even though I started out at a much lower level of pay, it caught up & surpassed.  I didn't care.  I was willing to sweep floors, I was that miserable.

My point is, if you're unhappy, you're unhappy.  You owe no one an explanation.

But (and you know this), don't quit without having a job lined up.  Brush up your resume to within an inch of its life, lol.  Get your LinkedIn profile all caught up, with all the keywords, and a nice headshot (not the one of you at that party, or the blurry one that's cropped out of a group).  Spend some money, get an actual photographer with proper lighting, and get a nice headshot.  It matters.

You'll have to figure out how to deal with your social anxiety, because you need confidence.  Find a good therapist who can help you with tools.  

I made many many interview mistakes along the way.  In one, I bashed my former company & boss.  Guess what....they no likey lol.  In another, I was flustered & unprepared.  Again, no phone call.

Prepare.  Show up early for interviews.  Study study study for what you're going for.  If it's not the right fit, it's ok to move on.  

No longer are the days when multiple jobs are seen as a bad thing.  

Your first step is what you're doing right here....coming to a board for advice.  You got this.

 

[Looktothesky]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

Why do you have to "excel" and given your job why don't you feel intelligent - your job requires smarts, right? If you fear really hard work that's another issue. And if you don't want to work too hard then I'd do part time gigs like instacart or uber where you can make your own hours.  Also if your gf wants to live a certain lifestyle then it's up to her to either get a side hustle or veer away from nonprofit.  It should not be all on you.  (Oh and I'm not going to recommend stay at home dad if  you two have kids -that's extremely hard work).

Many jobs require overwork at times and if you don't love certain work you'll feel overworked no matter what.  Get real with yourself about how hard you want to work and what you want out of work and what your long term professional and financial goals are.

I guess I fear really hard work because I fear failure more than anything. I don’t mind putting in extra hours at times and I always have when necessary. But it’s just been too constant lately in my current position and I don’t feel like I’m getting the help I need. I think managing my stress and anxiety would help with this a lot.

My gf definitely doesn’t expect a certain lifestyle. We are not materialistic people and we don’t really care about fancy things. But at the same time I feel internal pressure to provide to a certain level.

I will need to do some thinking on what my goals truly are. I don’t have much beyond wanting to afford a decent house in a decent area, and a job that I can leave at work as much as possible.

[Lambert]

I am confused.  You say you want to change maybe become a teacher, but you also say this:

14 hours ago, Looktothesky said:

I don’t want to give up on this as a career.

I think the best thing you can do is-- focus on your anxiety disorder and finding strategies to overcome it will help in whatever you choose. figure out what you want to do.  It's not too late to change but it will cost money.  You have to decide what your priorities are.  Maybe you would feel more confident in your current job, if you joined a professional speaking group like Toastmasters. 

[Looktothesky]

8 minutes ago, Starlight925 said:

I'm someone who changed careers multiple times, finally settling on what I do now (that I love) when I was in my early 40's.  I chose an early path that was my dream, finally getting to that actual "dream job", and hated it with a passion.  I came home crying every night.  When I left that path, people told me I was crazy, that I'd never have that chance again, that "a million people" would want that job.  Great, they can have it.

What I do now is considered so mundane and just....odd....to people that when I'm asked at parties what I do for a living, I get this blank stare.  I get "Oh, I didn't know they had a job for that."  I don't care.  I truly enjoy it.  

Oh, and eventually, even though I started out at a much lower level of pay, it caught up & surpassed.  I didn't care.  I was willing to sweep floors, I was that miserable.

My point is, if you're unhappy, you're unhappy.  You owe no one an explanation.

But (and you know this), don't quit without having a job lined up.  Brush up your resume to within an inch of its life, lol.  Get your LinkedIn profile all caught up, with all the keywords, and a nice headshot (not the one of you at that party, or the blurry one that's cropped out of a group).  Spend some money, get an actual photographer with proper lighting, and get a nice headshot.  It matters.

You'll have to figure out how to deal with your social anxiety, because you need confidence.  Find a good therapist who can help you with tools.  

I made many many interview mistakes along the way.  In one, I bashed my former company & boss.  Guess what....they no likey lol.  In another, I was flustered & unprepared.  Again, no phone call.

Prepare.  Show up early for interviews.  Study study study for what you're going for.  If it's not the right fit, it's ok to move on.  

No longer are the days when multiple jobs are seen as a bad thing.  

Your first step is what you're doing right here....coming to a board for advice.  You got this.

 

Thank you for this. If you wouldn’t mind sharing: what is the career that you switched to?

 

 

[Starlight925]

17 minutes ago, Looktothesky said:

Thank you for this. If you wouldn’t mind sharing: what is the career that you switched to?

 

 

Due to anonymity, I'd prefer not to share, as it's a niche area in a relatively small world.

But, I will say, it involves public speaking every day, and like you, I always had the huge speaking fear.  I couldn't get two sentences out in front of more than two people.

What I've learned is that if you have confidence + enthusiasm for your subject, your audience sees that, and you feed off that energy.

I imagine teaching to be that way.  The teachers that we all remember, the ones who shaped our lives, were those who not only knew what they were talking about, but they had passion for their subject.  The math teacher who made it seem fun, the science teacher who got so excited sharing all their scientific info.  It brought us in, it reeled us into their world, so that we, too, wanted to be a part of it.  

If you are thinking along the lines of teaching, think of what you'll teach?  What age group?  What area, what school district?  Things like that.  I remember a teacher of mine saying she taught 10th grade because that's the age she just loved.  It's weird, but it made me feel special being a 15 year old, being taught by someone who loved kids who were 15 years old.  My parents sure didn't at that time, lol.

Also:  If you're thinking teaching, could you do something part time?  Sub?  My friend is a lawyer who taught a night school business law class while maintaining their law practice.  There are often professionals in certain careers needed like this.

[Looktothesky]

6 minutes ago, Lambert said:

I am confused.  You say you want to change maybe become a teacher, but you also say this:

I think the best thing you can do is-- focus on your anxiety disorder and finding strategies to overcome it will help in whatever you choose. figure out what you want to do.  It's not too late to change but it will cost money.  You have to decide what your priorities are.  Maybe you would feel more confident in your current job, if you joined a professional speaking group like Toastmasters. 

I think you’re right. I think the same problems will follow me wherever I go unless I seriously work at it. I started a new medication this month. I have been seeing a new therapist but need to find another because it was not a good fit for me. I feel like I want a clean start from this job. There is just too much mental baggage tied up in it for me and I wish I could just leave it behind me.

[Batya33]

5 minutes ago, Looktothesky said:

My gf definitely doesn’t expect a certain lifestyle. We are not materialistic people and we don’t really care about fancy things. But at the same time I feel internal pressure to provide to a certain level.

I will need to do some thinking on what my goals truly are. I don’t have much beyond wanting to afford a decent house in a decent area, and a job that I can leave at work as much as possible.

 "but I want to be able to provide us with a decent house, occasional vacations, etc.".  Get more specific about this -do you have a goal of owning a home (I have been financially comfortable for over 20 years as has my husband but neither of us desire home ownership, yes I want vacations/travel but not materialistic/fancy). 

I think you need more specificity to differentiate between internal pressure/social anxiety on the one hand and what's actually real and what you actually want.  Two different things.  

If you want a job you can leave at work as much as possible -do you really? -then do not be a classroom teacher.  Maybe 10-15 years in it becomes more rote/autopilot -maybe -but it's a profession. A really hard one -not just a job.

Most 9 to 5 jobs with regular hours no evening work no weekend work no "on call" type stuff where you can go home and not check email -will require significant $ sacrifice.  It might be worth it to you for mental health.  I had those kinds of jobs in the late 80s/early 90s.  One was an assistant classroom teacher in a private school where I was not expected to do anything outside of work.  Back then the pay was $12k.  A year.  I am sure the pay is  the same non-living wage now.  I also was a receptionist during college summer breaks, and worked in a daycare center part time during other college breaks.  I only had to show up on time, do my job and not leave till my shift was over/till 5PM.  I worked hard when I was there.  Those did not pay well either. 

I think it's really hard to find a well-paying 9-5 job (where you could buy a decent house and take occasional vacations with air flights/hotels, etc) that doesn't require you to check in outside of work, do any evening or weekend work or be ready to work extra hours for a deadline or some sort of situation at work.  Not as a newbie especially - I can see someone with tons of seniority moving up to a position that is more sort of admin/paperwork/managing people who do the extra work while you go home and wash your hands of it.  It's rare IMO.  

[Batya33]

14 minutes ago, Looktothesky said:

Thank you for this. If you wouldn’t mind sharing: what is the career that you switched to?

 

 

Oh sorry I don't share those specifics here but it was in the corporate world, prestigious, high level, then got promoted 9 years into it, extremely well paying.  And it meant being on call 24/7 very very often, weekend work, evening work, cancelled vacations/not being able to take vacations.  For which we were compensated -meaning salaries not extra $ for "overtime" - people who did what I did signed up for it, knew the hours, knew the expectations and we were compensated for that type of work/lifestyle/unpredictability.   Did that for 15 years, mostly loved it- very passionate and ambitious about my field.  I also kept my toe in the childcare world, volunteering at a homeless shelter with kids weekly for 7 years.

Then got married, relocated,  I was a SAHM for 7 years and that former career prepared me well -similar hours LOL.  Loved that too.  Extremely hard work, not just a job, extremely rewarding.

When I returned to work outside the home at age 50 I stayed within my field but am in the nonprofit sector now and part time and hourly.  75% paycut which I/we can well afford because for 12 of the 15 years I socked away $$ and built my nest egg so that if I married someone who couldn't afford to have me stay home for longer than maternity leave I had assets to kick into the family income.  He didn't but I did anyway if that makes sense.

He also had a similar career path to me but he never stopped working more than full time.  The last 9 to 5/just a job he had was before I met him and before he went to grad school.  Maybe late 80s for about 6 months. 

It's not for everyone.  At all.  Those 15 years were  stressful and brutal at times and for about one year I worked in a very toxic environment and so I can relate to what that is like!

So like between the two of us we have the equivalent of 2 full time jobs plus I'm primarily responsible for child care -son is now 13 but I still don't leave him all alone for hours at a time -I realize that will be ok soon though!  

[Looktothesky]

4 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

 "but I want to be able to provide us with a decent house, occasional vacations, etc.".  Get more specific about this -do you have a goal of owning a home (I have been financially comfortable for over 20 years as has my husband but neither of us desire home ownership, yes I want vacations/travel but not materialistic/fancy). 

I think you need more specificity to differentiate between internal pressure/social anxiety on the one hand and what's actually real and what you actually want.  Two different things.  

If you want a job you can leave at work as much as possible -do you really? -then do not be a classroom teacher.  Maybe 10-15 years in it becomes more rote/autopilot -maybe -but it's a profession. A really hard one -not just a job.

Most 9 to 5 jobs with regular hours no evening work no weekend work no "on call" type stuff where you can go home and not check email -will require significant $ sacrifice.  It might be worth it to you for mental health.  I had those kinds of jobs in the late 80s/early 90s.  One was an assistant classroom teacher in a private school where I was not expected to do anything outside of work.  Back then the pay was $12k.  A year.  I am sure the pay is  the same non-living wage now.  I also was a receptionist during college summer breaks, and worked in a daycare center part time during other college breaks.  I only had to show up on time, do my job and not leave till my shift was over/till 5PM.  I worked hard when I was there.  Those did not pay well either. 

I think it's really hard to find a well-paying 9-5 job (where you could buy a decent house and take occasional vacations with air flights/hotels, etc) that doesn't require you to check in outside of work, do any evening or weekend work or be ready to work extra hours for a deadline or some sort of situation at work.  Not as a newbie especially - I can see someone with tons of seniority moving up to a position that is more sort of admin/paperwork/managing people who do the extra work while you go home and wash your hands of it.  It's rare IMO.  

Thank you. Yes I have a goal of owning a home. I’m not awfully far from making that a reality, but I have a fear that when I finally buy a house my career will come crumbling down and I won’t be able to pay mortgage.

And when you put it that way, I don’t think I want a job that I can leave at work all the time. Because I want to make a living wage. I guess what it does come down to is what I’d enjoy enough to make the overtime not feel so bad. That will be tough to figure out.

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, Looktothesky said:

Thank you. Yes I have a goal of owning a home. I’m not awfully far from making that a reality, but I have a fear that when I finally buy a house my career will come crumbling down and I won’t be able to pay mortgage.

And when you put it that way, I don’t think I want a job that I can leave at work all the time. Because I want to make a living wage. I guess what it does come down to is what I’d enjoy enough to make the overtime not feel so bad. That will be tough to figure out.

So again -specifics - I work hourly now but the nature of my work is it is still unpredictable -I can say "no" and given the environment they'd probably be ok with it but it's really not appropriate to do the job right.  So it's not just overtime but I can get a call at 7:30am asking for help, or Friday at 4PM asking for help over the weekend, etc. 

There are jobs with predictable overtime.  I mean "overtime wouldn't feel so bad" - if possible find a job you have enough passion for and ambition for that the overtime is a time for  you to also contribute/learn more/be part of the team.  Where it will get you a promotion. 

Do you want a career or a job? Because if the latter then that decreases the need to impress bosses, even to be a team player (because in a career being a team player also means later on those are people you can network with if you move onto something else).  

Obviously I don't love the last minute calls that tank my weekend or realizing that a 2 hour project actually will take me 6 on the day my son happens to be off from school.  But overall I like my work.  Overall I feel very connected to my chosen career and have for over 25 years.  I would not do this particular work for free and I had to be honest with myself about that when I started looking to return to working outside the home.  But I also don't do it "for the money" exclusively.  

I had to get incredibly specific with myself when I sought to return to the workforce because of my new lifestyle new goals and I had to factor in my husband's job, schedule and wishes.  I'm glad I did and it is why I am suggesting this to you.  Plus work on your social anxiety. 

I also recommend meeting with a financial planner since home ownership is a goal of yours. It's really helpful to do the number crunching.  Also I recommend the book Stacked.  

 

[Betterwithout]

On 1/22/2023 at 9:52 AM, Starlight925 said:

What I've learned is that if you have confidence + enthusiasm for your subject, your audience sees that, and you feed off that energy.

This is SO true to public speaking.  I took a public speaking course that sadly didn't share that wisdom.
When I took the course, I realized I didn't have fear about speaking, but fear of speaking about my job responsibilities (I don't really like my job, it's only a "paycheck" and I find fulfillment in many other ways)
Watch some TED talks and you will see a myriad of passionate speakers who weren't born to speak, but rather know and love the subject so much, the audience is the least of their concern.

Before I hijack the thread even more, OP I think the cliche "find your passion, and you will never work a day in your life" has some truth to it.  In my circle, people who are truly engaged in their work get their promotions.
You did mention "I was diagnosed with social anxiety which makes it hard for me to speak up and ask for clarification or help when I need it."
That raised my eyebrows because one of my first bosses was an impatient jerk and I had fear of him, especially as a newbie.  We didn't work well together, but just 6 months later, he moved to a different department and my new boss was awesome!  We got along perfectly and I was doing the same job.
The boss, company, and environment you work for makes all the difference with social anxiety.
Something to really think about before changing jobs.

[Looktothesky]

Thanks everyone. Had a long talk about my concerns with my gf. She was so supportive and we both have similar goals as far as our future lifestyle. We don’t want kids so that will make things a bit easier heh.

I’m definitely going to stick with it in another position at a different company. I’ve got interviews lined up. Hopefully I can land one before I get fired from my current gig heh.

[tattoobunnie]

On 1/21/2023 at 6:47 PM, Looktothesky said:

I am 31 years old and have been working in my current field for a little over two years. It’s unclear to me whether I should try to continue in this field or look for something that may be better suited for me.

For some background, I graduated with a BA in communication in 2014. Unfortunately, I was very immature in school and didn’t really pay much mind to what I really wanted to do/what I’d need to do to get there. I figured having a degree would be enough and I’d have no trouble making it work.

That fall after graduation I got a job doing customer service / “graphic design” for a small newspaper. The pay was very low but I was just happy to get the experience. I wound up staying there longer than I would’ve liked, because I had no idea what else I’d be doing. I liked doing the graphic design we were doing, but it was pretty clear to me that I just didn’t have the skill or eye to take that much further.  I knew I’d have to gain some new skills and try something else. I was not making a livable salary and the work was mundane.

In 2020 I started a web development bootcamp after some months of studying the basics on my own. The work was challenging but I was able to get through the course and landed my first job in the field in Nov. 2020. It was quite an adjustment but I liked the challenges I was presented with and I certainly liked the salary.

Since then I’ve been promoted twice and am making just under 3x my salary at the newspaper. But lately I have been struggling with so much anxiety due to work that I am totally miserable.Our company was acquired and due to staffing changes I am now the most senior member of my department. I do not feel comfortable in that role as I feel I have so much learning to do. I’m also expected to do things which are much more in line with what a junior employee would be doing (handling support tickets) and I feel like I can’t keep my head above water!

I was diagnosed with social anxiety which makes it hard for me to speak up and ask for clarification or help when I need it. My boss is not the nicest guy which makes it even harder for me. I have a hard time keeping all the moving parts of the corporate world straight. I struggle in meetings with clients and feel like I’m getting lost in a sea of business acronyms and corporate jargon. My junior coworkers tell me I’m one of the best developers they’ve ever met, my old coworker who trained me says I’m really good, and my boss obviously trusts me enough to give me these promotions. But it’s not enough to get over the self-doubt I feel. 

I do think that I need to try working at another company that has more staff. I started looking last week and have already got interviews lined up. But the more I struggle in my current position the more I worry that the same problems are just going to follow me wherever I go. Every day I live in fear of getting fired or reprimanded. I feel immense pressure to keep going because I used to feel like a failure around friends and family during my old job. Now I feel like finally I’ve proven myself. I’ve come so far but now it feels like I have so much farther to fall.

I want to have enough money to allow my girlfriend and I to live the life we want. Not that we are excessive or flashy people, but I want to be able to provide us with a decent house, occasional vacations, etc. This career seems like the most viable option to make that happen but I don’t know if I’m cut out for it.

I sometimes daydream about doing anything not related to building tech stuff. I come from an extended family filled with teachers. I often wish I had just gone down that path, as if it’s in my blood or something. I know it’s a very difficult job in its own way, but I can’t help but feel like it could be more rewarding. When my dad passed away we heard from all kinds of former students of his whose lives he impacted in some way big or small. I feel that deep down I want to help people. My options feel limited because I don’t have the best communication skills or people skills. And now that I’m in my thirties I worry that it’s too late to try and retrain into something else. And I dread the financial/time investment it would take. And then I worry about what kind of job I could possibly take that won’t someday be automated away?

Look up Imposter Sydrome;  https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/imposter-syndrome

If you have social anxiety, don't go into teaching. You will deep down never enjoy it.  Speaking as an ex-teacher who was super good at it, but you have to on-demand teaching and talking and interacting.  And I do have some social anxiety, but since all my meetings are planned, and if I have to present to a 100 people, it's prepared, so that is super manageable to me.  It's not like different groups for 8 hours a day with endless young minds with at the ready access to ask you whatever questions.  Being a boss helps, because you have managers to have their own staff to mind.

Your career is meant to pay bills.  It it not supposed to be a means fill the voids, and does not have to be fulfilling.  Try volunteering if you want to give back.

Getting reprimanded when you make mistakes, happens.  Mistakes are mistakes, so own up to them.  Even the smartest, brightest, well-connected, affluent people make mistakes.  It's okay to make mistakes.  Learn from it and move on.  And so what if you get fired; sounds like it's easy for you to get interviews, which honestly is the hardest part.

[Looktothesky]

Well I’ve been having trouble landing a new job and it’s been very discouraging.

I went through the interview process with a pretty big company that I would’ve loved to work for. One phone interview and three video interviews. I seemed to get good feedback and thought I had a very good shot. Got the rejection email today.

It hurts and I feel embarrassed. My former coworker left for this company and said the difference was like night and day. My girlfriend’s friend’s husband works there as well. I feel embarrassed and ashamed that I was not able to land a job there too. I know that I’m at roughly the same skill-level as my former coworker. This would’ve been life-changing for me.

I feel like I’m destined to just work for crappy companies forever or something.

My motivation in my current position is at an all-time low. There’s so much extra stuff I have to do that doesn’t tie into my job description. I feel that the longer I stay the more it is going to hold me back.

I feel like a loser. I don’t want my girlfriend to think less of me.

[Batya33]

Please don't beat yourself up. For all you know they chose to promote someone internally.  Do you think you interview well? Do you have people who can do mock interviews with you? Did you follow up with thank you emails that were accurate and no typos etc? Do you have a typo on your resume? I've interviewed countless times/interviewed others countless times.  When I interviewed I tried to use it as practice/learning experience.

I hope you feel better.

[Looktothesky]

12 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Please don't beat yourself up. For all you know they chose to promote someone internally.  Do you think you interview well? Do you have people who can do mock interviews with you? Did you follow up with thank you emails that were accurate and no typos etc? Do you have a typo on your resume? I've interviewed countless times/interviewed others countless times.  When I interviewed I tried to use it as practice/learning experience.

I hope you feel better.

Thank you.

I don’t think I’m necessarily a great interviewer. But knowing that, I prepared and rehearsed as much as I could, ran through answers w/ my girlfriend and refined them.

A few of the interviewers even said I had great answers and they seemed to like me. But there was definitely a question or two I stumbled through that may have reflected poorly on me.

I did send thank you emails. I proofread those and my resume several times.

I’m trying to keep in mind all the factors at play and not take it so personally. But it really hurts, especially because I’m confident I’d be able to do good work there. This is like the best company to work for in my area.

I’m pretty sure the email that I got was just a canned response, but it said to reach out if I wanted any feedback. I’m considering if I should ask for any feedback to see how I could improve…

[Batya33]

Also I suggest reading your resume backwards, last word first so you can catch any potential typos.  I'm sorry you're disappointed.  In my 20s I wanted a summer internship so badly at a certain company (which likely would have led to full time offer after graduation), thought the interview went great and... rejection.  Never understood why but it's one of those mysteries of life.  

I hope you feel better!

[Betterwithout]

7 minutes ago, Looktothesky said:

Thank you.

I don’t think I’m necessarily a great interviewer. But knowing that, I prepared and rehearsed as much as I could, ran through answers w/ my girlfriend and refined them.

A few of the interviewers even said I had great answers and they seemed to like me. But there was definitely a question or two I stumbled through that may have reflected poorly on me.

I did send thank you emails. I proofread those and my resume several times.

I’m trying to keep in mind all the factors at play and not take it so personally. But it really hurts, especially because I’m confident I’d be able to do good work there. This is like the best company to work for in my area.

I’m pretty sure the email that I got was just a canned response, but it said to reach out if I wanted any feedback. I’m considering if I should ask for any feedback to see how I could improve…

You were well suited for the job and would have been a great fit.  Someone else was just a shade different in some way.  You will never know, so don't bother dwelling.
I don't think it would hurt to send a follow up email in 3 months.  (after the probationary period with the new hire is over)  Maybe that person will not be a good fit for the company.
There is also a lot of turnover in many companies, so might as well keep your name top of mind as candidate #2!

In the meantime, dust yourself off, sharpen some skills and do some networking for another employer.