how to initiate NC????/

[dejavu321]

I am really toying around with the notion of starting NC with my ex-fiancee. We have been apart for three weeks now, yet we still talk on the phone two or three times a day...we are also meeting in the bahamas to spend a few days together in two weeks. a week and a half after we split, she told me that she had finally reached a point to which she was ok with not having me around.

 

I feel that this trip will be a good opportunity to finally bring closure to this and begin the healing process, for I am nowhere close to being used to not having her around.

 

Should i decide to initiate NC, I will do it right before we board our separate planes. I am not doing it to spite her, but I think that if she has reached the point of being used to not having me around, then I should be at that point to. She is very excited to be going to the Bahamas, but more importantly, she says that she is excited because she will get to see me...but still, she shouldn't be at the point of not being used to having me around after two and a half years of being together.

 

What would be the best way for me to tell her that I can't talk to her, while still getting it accross to her that should she want me back, she will have to call me? I know that if I told her I needed some time to myself, she would honestly believe that it wouldn't be ok for her to try to call me, even if she feels that letting me go was a mistake. But I would have no problem if after I had some healing time, she initiated a phone call, but how do I let her know that?

[Stinkweed]

I hope you get a better reply than mine, cause I'm not good at these things... But in my opinion, you should tell her the truth. Tell her the reason why you'd start NC. Tell her that you know you guys probably will never get back together, so it kinda hurts everytime you talk to her and/or see her, cause it brings back memories. Sorry if I wasn't of much help. Good luck and best wishes.

[heloladies21]

Tell her how you feel and really why you want to do NC. Tell her the truth. It's as simple as that.

[imagi]

If you're really serious about initiating NC, the next time she phones you just tell her that you need some time apart to move on from the relationship, and that she might be okay with talking, but you aren't. If she really cares about you she'll respect your wishes to take some time apart, and if she doesn't.. just be really firm that you need the space to have a clear head and get on with your life. Emphasize that at the end of the NC you two might be able to be friends.. but you can't do that until there's been some space between you.

[chai714]

What would be the best way for me to tell her that I can't talk to her, while still getting it accross to her that should she want me back, she will have to call me? I know that if I told her I needed some time to myself, she would honestly believe that it wouldn't be ok for her to try to call me, even if she feels that letting me go was a mistake. But I would have no problem if after I had some healing time, she initiated a phone call, but how do I let her know that?

 

Tell her this: Although I think it's unlikely we'll end up together down the road, I won't rule out the possibility. Right now, I can't handle having only a friendship with you. I value our friendship though, and would like to have relations with you again but only after we're both ready. That time might not come for a while though.

[dejavu321]

Thanks everybody, all of your comments have been a great help!!