Can I ask the love of my life for one last chance? Even though I should call him.. ex now

[Batya33]

4 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

You could and can control your actions.

How are you going to stop these actions if you truly believe you have no control over them? 

And this thought process of yours is why we have so strongly recommended professional help. In one sentence you claim you accept responsibility and in the next you say you had no control over your actions. We're just trying to illustrate that you do in fact have complete and total control over your actions. And that a professional can be of immense help.

I could not agree more. Never ever indulge in telling yourself anxiety means you have no control over your choices or actions. Take responsibility and never ever tell yourself you had no control because “you didn’t know how”.  You do. You just chose to take the easier way by giving in and self soothing even if it meant potentially harming someone else.  

[CryingDuckie]

10 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I could not agree more. Never ever indulge in telling yourself anxiety means you have no control over your choices or actions. Take responsibility and never ever tell yourself you had no control because “you didn’t know how”.  You do. You just chose to take the easier way by giving in and self soothing even if it meant potentially harming someone else.  

Alright. I understood. Just yet more reasons and pushes to blame and hate myself for everything and never forgive

[Jaunty]

You can say you love him several hundred more times and it will not change this reality:  What you are indulging in is  addiction and has nothing to do with love.  The guy is an OBJECT of your obsession at this point.  The reality of him is not even present in your posts, it's all about you, you, you, and your emotions.  You are jonesing.  He might as well be heroin.

Please don't now go into self flagellation in response to this post.  You've shown a pattern of doing this here; without fail, if people don't pander to your (sorry) hysteria, you spin immediately into how much you hate yourself etc. because of all the awful things you've been told here. 

 It has proven useful to get people to stop saying things you won't like.   You are controlling how people talk to you and you come off as so unstable that you have folks walking on eggshells.

I am concerned about you because you are in trouble, and so are the other people who have responded.  Really, though, as long as you are firmly committed to behaving this way,  this will be your life.  You'll need to want to live your life differently from this way.   So far, you've expressed zero interest in doing that.  You just want your fix.

 

[boltnrun]

1 minute ago, CryingDuckie said:

Alright. I understood. Just yet more reasons and pushes to blame and hate myself for everything and never forgive

Please do whatever you can to get professional help ASAP. This is another unhealthy and self destructive mindset that needs professional attention. It's very much an attention seeking behavior and is a sign of severe depression.

If you can't afford individual counseling please look into groups you can attend in person or online. These are often free or very low cost.

[CryingDuckie]

5 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Please do whatever you can to get professional help ASAP. This is another unhealthy and self destructive mindset that needs professional attention. It's very much an attention seeking behavior and is a sign of severe depression.

If you can't afford individual counseling please look into groups you can attend in person or online. These are often free or very low cost.

I will

[boltnrun]

5 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

Please don't now go into self flagellation in response to this post.  You've shown a pattern of doing this here; without fail, if people don't pander to your (sorry) hysteria, you spin immediately into how much you hate yourself etc. because of all the awful things you've been told here. 

My mother used to do something similar. If I didn't do everything she wanted or didn't give her attention for a few minutes she'd go on a rant about how no one loves her and that it would be better for everyone if she were dead. She was diagnosed (by a doctor) with clinical depression. She felt if she wasn't getting attention she needed to do something to draw it to herself. Toward the end of her life she had taken to throwing herself on the floor or ground and then claiming she'd fallen. It was very difficult for those of us who sincerely loved her.

I'm sure your sister doesn't want to see you unhappy.

I hope you choose to get help so you can be happy and content.

[CryingDuckie]

1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

My mother used to do something similar. If I didn't do everything she wanted or didn't give her attention for a few minutes she'd go on a rant about how no one loves her and that it would be better for everyone if she were dead. She was diagnosed (by a doctor) with clinical depression. She felt if she wasn't getting attention she needed to do something to draw it to herself. Toward the end of her life she had taken to throwing herself on the floor or ground and then claiming she'd fallen. It was very difficult for those of us who sincerely loved her.

I'm sure your sister doesn't want to see you unhappy.

I hope you choose to get help so you can be happy and content.

I will

[boltnrun]

Just now, CryingDuckie said:

I will

I'm glad.

It's no fun living with severe anxiety and depression. Take it from someone who's been there. I can't imagine what my life would be like if I hadn't gotten the medical help I needed.

[CryingDuckie]

8 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I'm glad.

It's no fun living with severe anxiety and depression. Take it from someone who's been there. I can't imagine what my life would be like if I hadn't gotten the medical help I needed.

I know, it's not fun

[MissCanuck]

This has been a sad read. 

OP. You have got to detach from this guy and the notion that you two will remain in each other's lives. That is going to come to a screeching halt when he eventually gets a new girlfriend, and you will be devastated that you hung around all this time. Because if you two have been broken up this long and haven't even seen each other for 3 years, I promise you he is not going to be single for much longer. I wouldn't be surprised if he's already had dates or flings here and there that you are completely unaware of. 3 years is a long time to be single and celibate for someone he isn't dating anymore. 

In kindness, you need to come to terms with reality here and start taking better care of yourself. And that includes letting go of something that's been over for a long time now. 

[Batya33]

Another suggestion- sometimes grad students in psychology have to do counseling sessions to meet internship or course requirements so call local universities that have therapy programs and see if you can at least speak with a PhD or grad student.  Good luck 

[Capricorn3]

2 hours ago, CryingDuckie said:

Alright. I understood. Just yet more reasons and pushes to blame and hate myself for everything and never forgive

Throwing a self-pity party is never very attractive and no-one wants to be around that. It puts people off. Just something to think about.

I agree with all who have suggested you seek therapy to help you with all of your issues, anxiety, depression etc.  You need professional help and there is no shame in that.

[CryingDuckie]

Thank you guys for everything.. I feel calmer now after I got some sleep, didn't sleep the previous night. And yes.. I will seek professional help, without delay.. 

[Batya33]

5 hours ago, CryingDuckie said:

Thank you guys for everything.. I feel calmer now after I got some sleep, didn't sleep the previous night. And yes.. I will seek professional help, without delay.. 

I hope you continue to get good rest -sleep deprivation can make a person feel so out of it/unbalanced!

[CryingDuckie]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

I hope you continue to get good rest -sleep deprivation can make a person feel so out of it/unbalanced!

That is very true! I'm quite ashamed really how I was yesterday... 
I really am grateful for all the help here! Already got an appointment with a therapist for Tuesday:)

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, CryingDuckie said:

That is very true! I'm quite ashamed really how I was yesterday... 
I really am grateful for all the help here! Already got an appointment with a therapist for Tuesday:)

You’re fine !! And that’s wonderful news. 

[boltnrun]

2 hours ago, CryingDuckie said:

That is very true! I'm quite ashamed really how I was yesterday... 
I really am grateful for all the help here! Already got an appointment with a therapist for Tuesday:)

That's terrific.

Taking proactive steps helps tremendously. You may be surprised how much better talking to someone and getting their input can make you feel.

Do something nice for yourself today.

[sunday_luthier]

On 12/17/2022 at 2:11 PM, CryingDuckie said:

That is very true! I'm quite ashamed really how I was yesterday... 
I really am grateful for all the help here! Already got an appointment with a therapist for Tuesday:)

I read the whole thing. Very interesting read.  You are hurt, and your depression and anxiety are making you act in a self destructive manner, pushing people away and isolating you.  I have never suffered from depression, but I have been around people who do.  To be very blunt (moreso than I would probably dare to be if we were face to face), your response to some comments on this topic have been that of a drama queen.  It would be tempting to tell you to "cut the crap", but your reactions simply show that your depression has you in a headlock.

Your wish to keep contact with your love interest for reassurance and to stay in his life (well, actually for him to stay in YOUR life) is completely counterproductive and a huge turnoff.  Again, it's your depression making decisions for you.

I think that online tests about attachment styles are actually very interesting, if only to teach yourself to pull away from your thoughts and try to observe them from a distance and with a critical mind.  But as it has been said, your condition requires more than self diagnosis.

On 12/17/2022 at 7:43 AM, CryingDuckie said:

Thank you guys for everything.. I feel calmer now after I got some sleep, didn't sleep the previous night. And yes.. I will seek professional help, without delay.. 

As someone who suffers from different forms of anxiety (including in my own current relationship), it has taken me way too long to learn the value of sleep.  If you don't catch you Z's, you simply cannot feel good about yourself.  Lack of sleep will make your mind wander all over the place and exhaust you, make you feel anxious, overwhelmed and make you want to stay up... It's a cycle.

I wish you the very best.