Advice needed urgently

[yahyah]

Hi guys

My bf and i have been together for 4 years and have a baby due next week!! we’ve never had any problems or arguments except a small incident that happened at the very start of my pregnancy 9 months ago. i found an app that was actively being used on his phone that is basically a dating site for threesomes, i didn’t click on the app or look at anything on the app but i brought it up to him and our relationship was rocky for a bit after but i forgave him as he promised he was just talking to them and not meeting them, thinking back now i’m doubting this. 

anyway fast forward to now and i find a social media account of his that he got a bit shaky about when he realised i seen, i never understood why but after he left my house i decided to be nosey and have a look, fully regretting my decision now. on the account he’s been following? watching? talking to? transsexual women and now i don’t know how to feel. these accounts are mainly porn and escorts posting nudity and stuff. i have nothing against trans people but i am in disbelief right now, having a baby due next week and i feel like i don’t even know who he is anymore. how do i bring this up?? do i bring it up? i have NO idea what to do, i just keep crying. Any advice will be helpful, im trying not to overthink this but i feel like my world is crumbling 

 

can i add i respect his privacy and i do not snoop through his phone ever, both times i seen these things were by accident, and this also makes me think there could be a lot more 

[moodindigo91]

17 minutes ago, yahyah said:

as he promised he was just talking to them and not meeting them

Well, first of all, this promise is pretty weak. I mean, how is being on a sex app okay with you in any way, shape, or form, whether he was actually meeting people or not? It's a huge sign of dishonesty and willingness to cheat that he was even on the app. It's too late now, but you should not have forgiven him. 

Unfortunately, based on that, you should not be surprised that he's still out on the prowl. The trans thing is pretty surprising, sure. But the overall point is that he's disloyal and dishonest and he doesn't seem to care much about being caught. It is very unfortunate that a child is being brought into the mix. In my opinion, you should leave this man, because he's not going to be loyal or honest with you. Contact some lawyers ASAP and try to work out some sort of custody and child support arrangement. 

[boltnrun]

Please have your doctor test you for STDs. If he did give you something you could pass it on to the baby during birth. But you can have a C-section if needed which would protect the baby.

He did this before and is currently still at it. He apparently likes porn and trolling for outside sex. If you're not also into that then you will need to make a tough decision. 

But your baby will be a joy and will need you to be strong and healthy. Focus on that.

[yahyah]

7 minutes ago, moodindigo91 said:

Well, first of all, this promise is pretty weak. I mean, how is being on a sex app okay with you in any way, shape, or form, whether he was actually meeting people or not? It's a huge sign of dishonesty and willingness to cheat that he was even on the app. It's too late now, but you should not have forgiven him. 

I agree, the promise was very weak, at the time being newly pregnant and having just told everyone the news i decided to forgive for the sake of everything that was happening at the time. looking back i’m realising how stupid it was. i regret this baby happening in the mix of all this and i’m scared of going through this myself and i’m dreading bringing this up to him when i could go into labour any minute but i can’t leave it until after i give birth as it’ll be even worse timing. there’s no doubt that if i was not pregnant at the time he would’ve been gone after the first time 😕 im not thinking clearly the now so your reply has helped me see things from another perspective 

[yahyah]

8 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Please have your doctor test you for STDs. If he did give you something you could pass it on to the baby during birth. But you can have a C-section if needed which would protect the baby.

He did this before and is currently still at it. He apparently likes porn and trolling for outside sex. If you're not also into that then you will need to make a tough decision. 

But your baby will be a joy and will need you to be strong and healthy. Focus on that.

thank you i’m not sure why i didn’t think of that, i will be contacting the doctor tomorrow morning to be safe! i’m trying to focus on the baby and not let this affect me too much but it’s hard and extremely bad timing. i’m not even sure how to bring this up to him i just want to disappear 

[Kwothe28]

I think you should definitely get through pregnancy first, that is way more important and focus on that.

After that, yes, you should definitely have a talk there. Because yes, that guy is probably having some kink and going around exploring that. 

[Batya33]

16 minutes ago, yahyah said:

thank you i’m not sure why i didn’t think of that, i will be contacting the doctor tomorrow morning to be safe! i’m trying to focus on the baby and not let this affect me too much but it’s hard and extremely bad timing. i’m not even sure how to bring this up to him i just want to disappear 

Talk to the doctor and take a very practical approach -like make sure his name is on the birth certificate, and then take further steps once you're healed physically from the birth and able to think in a clear headed way.  I'd focus first on financial matters and plans in case the conversation does not go well.  I'm sorry you are going through this!

[boltnrun]

27 minutes ago, yahyah said:

thank you i’m not sure why i didn’t think of that, i will be contacting the doctor tomorrow morning to be safe! i’m trying to focus on the baby and not let this affect me too much but it’s hard and extremely bad timing. i’m not even sure how to bring this up to him i just want to disappear 

Yes, please tell the doctor you'd like a full STD screening and a physical exam. The doctor will be very careful and gentle with you.

Hopefully it will all turn out just fine. 

As for your boyfriend, unless you can accept him being unfaithful it will be time to have that discussion with him.

I'm sorry you're going through this, but soon your baby will be here and that will be a joyous occasion.

[smackie9]

Don't know about you but I would be absolutely furious and be looking into a lawyer. This isn't about love anymore. This is about protecting you and the baby. 

[Tinydance]

I definitely think you should bring it up with him. I don't think the main issue is that the people he's trying to hook up with or looking at their nude photos are transgender. Although in a serious relationship after four years, you would actually think your boyfriend would open up to you if he had a transgender fetish and/or he's not actually straight. I mean it's important to be honest with your partner and let them know the real you. The fact that you had no idea that he's into transgender people after four years together and having a baby does seem odd.

The main problem I think here is that he's probably trying to cheat on you or has cheated on you. Even if he has a transgender fetish or any other fetish, if you're in a monogamous relationship then he can't hook up with other people. I think there's a difference between for example having a fetish and watching porn of it, and actually talking to/seeing real life people or escorts. 

Also you already caught him on that threesome app before so he knew you found out and you were really upset. But now he's doing it again and you're just about to have his child. This is very disrespectful to you. He doesn't really seem to respect your relationship or your feelings and is just doing whatever he wants. 

Also how is that an excuse that he was "just talking" to people on that threesome app? If it's a threesome app it's for sex. So even if hypothetically he was only talking, what would he have been talking about? The weather? Lol Obviously he was talking about sex or exchanging nude photos or something along those lines.