What do I do next?

[Throwaway1990]

GF of 5 months sent me this text the day after breakup with no prompt or communication from me. She told me that I changed to “please her” too much and that I did nothing wrong. She is a very honest woman and don’t think she would lead me on.

Her txt

“Okay so I’ve been thinking a lot and just had a big conversation with xxxxx (her best friend is a massive fan of me)

I don’t think I want to close this completely yet. 
We need a few months apart to do our own thing and reset as individuals….especially you 

Maybe in a few months time next year we get together again and see how we feel. 
We did have something special in the beginning. 

But we need to be apart for now”

MY REPLY

“I definitely think this is exactly what we, especially me, need. I need to reset.

I will do that.

I want that special feeling back, the easy feeling, that relaxed, no effort feeling that we had.

Time apart will do us good. “

I’ve really had time to work on myself and realise that I need my own “bubble” and life, instead of making her(or any chick)my life. A partner is there to support you, stand next to you, instead I was kissing her feet in a way.

 What does her txt mean and
What do I do next?

Thanks

[MissCanuck]

Why do you need to reset? What does that mean, exactly? 

My experience has been that if something falls apart so soon, it's down to incompatibility and doesn't usually come back together. She sounds like she's trying to let you down easily and doesn't quite have the courage to tell you that it's over for good. None of this "we need time as individuals" nonsense. 

I would try to let go of her and move on. Don't wait around. 

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Throwaway1990 said:

I don’t think I want to close this completely yet. 

We need a few months apart to do our own thing and reset as individuals….especially you 

Maybe in a few months time next year we get together again and see how we feel. 

Sorry this happened. What was the breakup about and what were the arguments about? How old is she?

What does that she mean by "reset"? Don't be her backup plan if she plans to play the field.

Her text is basically breaking up but punitively, meaning you need to change. It's quite immature and manipulative.

There's no such thing as "breaks", particularly with some sort of pact to get back together.

Don't get strung along. Don't put your life on hold for her. If she wants space, let her do it on her own time.

Free yourself and make a clean break. You're not compatible and 5 months is enough time to evaluate that.

[Kwothe28]

Ah, the classic "I wanted you to change for me but now that you changed I no longer want you" case

9 hours ago, Throwaway1990 said:

What do I do next?

 

Respectfully, tell her to go where sun dont shines. She wants to date others, probably even has someone in mind but wants you to wait. Say that you wont be her lapdog and that this is over.

[moodindigo91]

9 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Ah, the classic "I wanted you to change for me but now that you changed I no longer want you" case

Respectfully, tell her to go where sun dont shines. She wants to date others, probably even has someone in mind but wants you to wait. Say that you wont be her lapdog and that this is over.

Spot on. She doesn't like something about how you are as a person in a relationship. I doubt there's anything you can do to "reset" that will magically make it different a few months from now. 

Leave her be and find someone who likes who you are and how you act in a relationship. 

[Cherylyn]

It means to give each other a lot of time and space for however long it takes and then revisit this dialogue to determine whether or not to give the relationship more effort to hopefully thrive.  She hasn't given up on you quite yet so only time will tell.  Also, personalities, characters and similar thought processes have to mesh and click when that time comes.  Perhaps it's soul searching time. 

Generally, though, from the beginning you usually know intuitively whether or not the relationship was meant to be.  It's a red flag if there are problems now because problems will not go away.  You're merely put on pause or standby mode.  It's either over now or will continue. 

Are you willing to wait around for her?  Can you wait several months or until next year?  Either you can wait or forget it.  You decide.  Either you can cooperate with her decision or move on.

[greendots]

On 11/8/2022 at 7:35 PM, Throwaway1990 said:

“Okay so I’ve been thinking a lot and just had a big conversation with xxxxx (her best friend is a massive fan of me)

I don’t think I want to close this completely yet. 
We need a few months apart to do our own thing and reset as individuals….especially you 

Maybe in a few months time next year we get together again and see how we feel. 
We did have something special in the beginning. 

But we need to be apart for now”

I'll be blunt. Her text seems like code for: "I'm going to explore life and have fun with other men"–maybe even someone she's already met. "But in case things don't work out or I change my mind, I hope you stick around."

The second she chose to break up with you, she lost you. She's now on her own. No help from you, no cheering, no support. She's lost all privileges.

Should she eventually genuinely want you back in her life, trust me, she'll fight for you/try to win you back. 

What do you do next? As difficult as it is right now, you move on. One step at a time. You've got this!