What do you guys think about online dating/personality sites

[socalguy123]

Hi all,

I've been on a few dating sites, online--I've not had much luck, but I'm wondering if anyone has any thoughts on them? In particular, I've been using OkCupid, which has this massive "personality test", which matches you up with supposedly highly compatible folks in your area.

 

 

Why am I asking this? Well damn, it turns out that my ex is always in the top 5 of my highest compatible matches, on OkCupid, for my area. I mean, lame! We broke up, we had enough incompatibilities that we didn't stick it out, obviously. But damnit, wondering what the hell it means? Being self-negative here (but this is a great place to do it!), but in the back of my stupid mind, as opposed to my confident mind, I think--there goes the one girl who was so compatible with me, and we're apart!

 

 

Turns out the guy she's got FWB with, has the highest compatibility with her.. But she doesn't see long-term with him, because, if I recall, he wants to live a very non-materialistic lifestyle. She likes the creature comforts. LOL!! Okay, I just laughed at my stupid quandary. I'll post this anyway, for responses

 

 

Oh yeah, I wanted to add--I hate seeing her on my match-list! Too bad can't exclude her.

 

Cheers!

[TheSmilingTurnip]

Wow that is fascinating.

 

There are many people you might be highly compatible with, but if y'all can't communicate or if there are other things standing in your way, then it won't work out. I think the crux of it is that both people, highly compatible or not, have to be ready to settle down...both have to be READY to find the one.

 

I once heard that you can be compatible with 1 in every 32 people. Far out.

 

I have had some luck with online dating sites. They are good for meeting lots of people (some of them). I tried eHarmony before I decided I wasn't ready to date and I will probably try it again when I am ready.

[Hope75]

sometimes what looks good on paper doesn't look so good in reality when you try to apply it, ever notice that?

 

I met my bf online too, (yahoo personals). I think meeting people online is a great idea, considering how busy we are as a society now and how easy it is to screen through people you know right away you are not interested in, and then get to know others you may be interested in, in a non threatening way, (i.e. online) until you feel comfortable giving out your phone # or not.

 

I have never tried any websites like link removed, or link removed where you have to fill out a personality profile, so I can't say much for that, but it seems like it wouldn't hurt, I mean, obvously you don't have to pick any one of your matches if you don't think they are a good match.

[shes2smart]

You may be compatible on paper, but if you don't have the same relationship goals at the same time, it won't work.

 

Tests can only measure so much. Then, there's always the possibility that people aren't 100% truthful, and some people just don't like taking any sort of test at all. It's like looking at a flat photograph of a person or a thing. It can give you a good idea of what someone or something looks like....but it can't give you the full 3-D picture.

 

The pictures of Bell Rock I looked at before I went to Arizona were nice. They were nothing when I actually got there, saw it in person, walked up to it, walked around it, and climbed a little way up it.

[chai714]

I would describe your experience as "unlucky" and leave it at that.

 

On another note, you're in Southern California - land of millions of women. If you think about it, there is a greater likelihood of you finding someone compatible with you (in real life, not online) due to the sheer numbers available. You have many resources at your disposal (clubs, organizations, sporting events, "hang-out" spots, etc), so take advantage of them.

[Iceman26]

 

On another note, you're in Southern California - land of millions of women. If you think about it, there is a greater likelihood of you finding someone compatible with you (in real life, not online) due to the sheer numbers available. You have many resources at your disposal (clubs, organizations, sporting events, "hang-out" spots, etc), so take advantage of them.

 

Living in the heart of southern california, I have to agree with Chai.

[BillyJean714]

I don't know how online personals work, but if people are asked to judge themselves through personality quizes, it's so easy for them to over-idealize who they truly are, tweak the results and make themselves out to be someone who they're not. Me personallly, I have a hard time trusting what people say, especially when it comes to getting to know someone through the net. You will never know if the person who you're talking to on the other end has a criminal record or a history of unreported rape or pedophilia. That's a part of reality that we can't deny. But that's just how I think.

 

One thing I notice is this fad for sites like eHarmony. I've seen so many commercials for this site and all I can say, based on what I've seen people write about their experiences of online personals, is that people seem to have a hard time choosing just 'one' partner because they have a pool of multiple partners to choose from. Sometimes, one partner ends up catching the other partner cheating, when they resort to returning to the very same personals ad site where they originally met their partner. In other words, ads like eHarmony paint this image of a picture perfect romance, when this isn't always the case. It doesn't seem to ease the frustrations of dating, but rather make finding the right partner even more complicated. That's what I noticed based on observations and what people write about on enotalone so far.

 

I guess there is a give and take, because online dating personal ads actually help people to meet other people who share similar interests at a fast pace. There are also plenty of success stories out there when it comes to online dating. I say, if it works for some people, then great, but just be extra cautious. Good luck!

[TheSmilingTurnip]

You will never know if the person who you're talking to on the other end has a criminal record or a history of unreported rape or pedophilia. That's a part of reality that we can't deny. But that's just how I think.

 

You wouldn't know that about anyone you meet, even if you met them on the street, even if a friend recommended them.

 

 

One thing I notice is this fad for sites like eHarmony. I've seen so many commercials for this site and all I can say, based on what I've seen people write about their experiences of online personals, is that people seem to have a hard time choosing just 'one' partner because they have a pool of multiple partners to choose from. Sometimes, one partner ends up catching the other partner cheating, when they resort to returning to the very same personals ad site where they originally met their partner.

 

This can happen with regular dating too. If someone has cheating on their heart, it doesn't matter how you met. When I met the right person (whom I thought was right at the time), I knew he was right (so I thought lol!) and had no problem deleting my account and the whole nine yards. It is all up to the person and what kind of standards they have for their own behavior.

[socalguy123]

Being that I live in Southern Cal, I *should* be able to meet more women than anywhere else in the world. But damnit....!

 

 

a) I work in a very non-female job (300:1 men as I work in software engineering

 

b) I'm not shy, but I don't go "foraging for my own food", if you know what I mean... I hate it, but I rely on friends, connections, etc.

 

So I guess I should take my own advice, but hey, I have! I have been keeping busy, getting involved...

-I've been taking Salsa dance classes

-I've joined a biking club

-I do martial arts (which again, is a guy thing, bleah)

 

I've considered going back to church (as I'm really not wanting to meet serial daters anymore, but want to settle down), but that's a major spiritual commitment for me--haven't been able to make that happen as yet.

 

 

Unfortunately, I don't do bars/clubs much, nice to bring your own girl, plus I'm in need of a wingman. I think I'll post on the local Craigslist... *sigh* I'm a wuss. Kick me.

[apollocreed71]

IT can increase you chances, but in person is what counts. Honestly, you have a better chance of getting laid, then meeting someone serious. Have you noticed a lot of women just want friends, but they want the friend to have relationship. not something to look for if you are just meeting people for friendship. match, matchdoctor, cupid, yahoo, plenty of fish. you will get laid. it sucks, but just from experience. another thing why pay, when you can get the same services for free.

[volution]

The world is falling apart in terms of 'long-term relationships'.

Ask yourself this question: Do you know anyone that has been together for longer than 5 years? 10 years? 15 years? 25 years?

 

The answer: very few, if any for any of them!!!

 

The 'independence' mentality that most people have been born and bred with these days, means that most people want to be both 'independent' (not rely on anyone) and 'intimate' at the same time. Sadly, people are too way down the scale next to 'independent' to have lasting 'intimacy'.

Relationships are more-and-more materialistic based these days.

When was the last time you heard of some write a love letter? Or a love poem? People that do that, out of the genuineness of their own hearts and souls, they aren't called 'romantics' anymore, they're called 'freaks' and 'stalkers'...

 

Online dating is a waste of time. These 'personality' sites are even worse, as they trick people into thinking that they have a much better chance of meeting someone/finding someone compatible with them.

From direct personal experience, these 'personality' sites again focus on AGE and not Interests etc., as they would have you believe.

Many of these 'personality' sites ask a hypocritical question age matter to you in a relationship". If you answer NO, then they still send you nearly only matches of your own age range.

When your interests differ from the vast majority of people in your age range...you're stuffed, to put it mildly...

 

However, I have found newspaper ads to be of much better response... Just don't put down your age, as people are so prejudiced these days.

[dustinthewind]

I disagree.....

 

I found love on an online dating site. I know this sounds odd, but just from reading his ad, I knew immediately that I had to contact him and that we would be great together. We ended up emailing, and 10 days later we met for the first time. We had the most amazing chemistry, and I doubt that I will ever meet anyone ever again (for the first time) that I will feel the same way that I felt when i met him.....it was as if I found a puzzle piece that fit me just perfectly.

 

How did things turn out??? We moved pretty fast....thats the only thing I regret...but our feelings for each other haven't really changed. We've had our bad times, and our good. And we have been together for almost 1.5 years now....We are both still young (only 22) but I honestly can say taht I knew within the first few minutes of meeting him in person that I wanted to be with him for a long long time.

 

I think online dating sites are a great awy to meet people....it may take a few trys....but when you hit the jackpot...u hit the GOLD!

[Hope75]

I have to agree!

 

2.5 years for me with my online guy... some tough times....'

 

but we are still going strong!!! 8) 8)

[wlfpack81]

Internet dating sucks IMO. Sad thing is for the 2nd time my stupid butt talked myself into wasting $50 no a stupid link removed subscription.

[Hope75]

It's funny that people based their opinions most solely on their personal experiences.

 

I think the key is to have an open mind, and give it a try, if you are interested in opening your options to a much larger dating pool.

 

It's 2005, there are a heck of alot of people on the internet now a days, people with busy lives who just don't have the time or incentive to hang around in a bar or go to a single's night at the movies.

 

I think you have just as many odds meeting someone online as you do anywhere else.

 

I have a classmate who last night told me she met her bf of 2 years in a bar, and I thought that was wild, how many people actually meet in a bar and last 2.5 years?

 

Of course there is a chance that you won't meet anyone compatible online, but the same holds true of meeting someone anywhere.

 

I also have an old friend who has been married for over 10 years now who met her husband on a "party line". (Remember those guys? Before internet dating?)

 

Anyway, internet dating, as meeting someone anywhere is worth a try. There are as many success stories as failures, and I for one am quite glad I gave it a try.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

Internet dating sucks IMO. Sad thing is for the 2nd time my stupid butt talked myself into wasting $50 no a stupid link removed subscription.

 

I don't want to be rude here, but you get what you give. From the tone of most of your posts, it seems you could possibly have gone into it with a defeatist attitude. Your mind must be open.

[Derek]

It's funny that people based their opinions most solely on their personal experiences.

 

I don't find it funny at all...

 

What else are you gonna use to form your own opinions?

 

If someone says it's fun to jump off a bridge, aren't you gonna try it first and then form your own opinion?

 

 

 

 

[thewriterslife]

Depends on what you're looking for. If you're looking for a date...a little companionship...they're fine.

 

If you're looking for your soul mate, forget it. Soul mates cannot be "made" as those online dating sites claim and can only be "born." Some have come away lucky enough to have found one of their companion soul mates, but I just can't see finding your soul mates through a service that advocates finding the one you are supposed to be with by filling out a form and hoping for the best.

 

Sure, you'll find someone you might be compatible with, but that's not all there is to the soul mate experience. There are things like chemistry. You can't feel chemistry online even as much as you think you can. If you do, the chemistry is an allusion...all in your mind. True chemistry only is apparent when two individuals come into physical contact.

 

Oh...don't get me started on online dating sites. I've never used them myself but I just can't see charging people to find their soul mates for them when only the individual person is capable of doing that and only when their soul mate is within close proximity.

[nightshade19]

i personally have found the dating sites i signed up for to be a complete waste of time.. One was just for casual dating.. and i only met 3 guys the whole time i was on it... none i would even want to date... and only guy was even interested in dating me...

Most of the time.. they just wanted to see a picture.. If you didn't pass "muster" they never even talked to you again!

One time.. i agreed to meet this fellow.. i had travelled pretty far to go meet him as i had to travel out of town and he lived not too far from where i'd be working... He never even showed up.. he never even called.. When i yahoo-ed him to ask him why.. he just signed off!

I think i've developed an inferiority complex from dealing with the creeps on the websites... They are ruder than rude... they would say things to you.. that normal people would never had the nerve to say in person. I've been stood up so many times.. i have just lost faith in them.. I wish it were easier to meet guys in real life.. but most of the bars are full of people in their early 20s... I've not been in my 20s for several years... so i can't really compete with that.. anyway. i really don't want to date a guy in his 20s.. that's too young.

I don't know... i don't have $20 a month anyway to waste on e-mail some guy i'm not even attracted to.... It sure doesn't seem worth the money.

If there was a good free website.. I'd be happy to know of it...

[ShySoul]

Anything that puts a pricetag on finding the love of your life, should automatically be met with suspicion.

 

Love happens when you are not looking. Life will present many opportunities for something to develop, learn to recognize them and take advantage of them. No need to try and create what will come your way naturally.