nightshade19

Well... if you are 21 years old and live in a college town then yeah.. duh.. finding handy sex partners is probably no problem... As you get older though.. more and more people settle down and the number of eligible single men dwindle... I'm really not into dating 21-25 year old guys.. and yes.. a few have asked me out... Besides...I do unfortunately live in a college town and the bars & nightclubs are all full of 20 somethings.. i hardly ever see guys in their 30s or 40s now in there...and therein lies my problem.. I'm not 20 something anymore... nor do i want to be... but i do want to be with a partner i have something in common with... like someone closer to my age...he doesn't have to be my exact age.. but at least 34-35.... and someone i can talk to. The thing with legalized prostitution... at least in France.. is that the women get tested monthly... it's all state mandated.. I dare say it's probably safer for a guy in France to date a prostitute than it would be to go date some woman in the United States he hadn't known but for a few weeks... Even in this country.. you need to have six months to know if AIDS test is accurate.. that is.. if you went down and had an AIDS test tomorrow..but you'd been sleeping around some.. the doctor would still advise you to only have protected sex with a partner KNOWN NOT to have AIDS, and come back six month from now to be tested again to be sure you were free of AIDS.. How many people in this country.. now wait 6 months to have sex with anyone?? I doubt there are people who even wait 6 weeks.. It's all a hurry up world. Yes.. i guess i cud go to bed with someone.. but someone married... or someone i hardly know, or is not very attractive is not my idea of a sexual partner... I still don't think it should be such a social stigma to go to a prostitute.. if you are horny... everyone has needs... And come on now.. you think the prostitute is not going to be practicing safe sex... or using birth control? I doubt it..... I have heard that some prostitutes won't even french kiss with their clients...That tells something about how much they are committed to keeping themselves safe.

Okay. i'm glad to hear that you think your roommate is not doing the right thing.. You still have issues about what constitutes an Undecent woman yourself.. but i've got to go to work... No.. it's hard to know whether the guy is lying alot of times.. Yes. it IS best to know someone for awhile... sometimes the lies will come out in time.. other times.. guys are just so good at BSing.. that they won't come out for a long time... I'm serious about the STDs though.. it is said that over 40% of the sexually active men and women now have some sort of STDs... i don't know what types of women he's sleepign with.. but if one of those girls was your friend/sister.. i doubt you'd want to have her risk her health sleeping with this guy.. It's good you are standing up to him and asking him to question his ethics..or ARE YOU? Maybe if MORE guys did this.. guys would stop being such hounds.. women would stop being played over and over.. and we'd have less STDS in the world...

Okay.. i have done the internet dating thing.. Big waste of time.. I've done my share of having out in the local theatres/nightclubs, music venues.. Please tell me where a single woman can meet an attractive non attached straight man? I know my choices are more limited cuz i'm over 30... and alot of guys my age are married or living with someone.. but there's got to be somewhere that a reasonably attractive lady can meeting a reasonably attractive fit gentleman... I thought about joining a gym cuz i am into fitness.. but i don't know if that would be a waste of time.. All the guys in the gym... seem very intent on their workout.. the last time i went to a gym.. i didn't see any guys even looking at me (although my male friend tells me that guys don't want you to see them looking at you.. they like to do it covertly, lol). Anyway.. any ideas or suggestions? I play guitar and ride a bike.. and like to swim.. and dance.. you would think i could meet someone somewhere.. it's summer and i'd like to not spend it all alone this year... By the way i live in the southeast. Gotta be some cute single guys out there, no?

if she says again that she has plans, say a week from next year Yeah. that wud be indicative of a non interested woman.. lol... Yeah.. women hate to have little notice on a date.. we need time to get ready and get beautiful dude!!

For one.. yes.. i would say that not having sex when you have a healty sex drive is maddening.... I would definitely agree.. Sex is a natural stress reliever..it gives one andomorphins (sp?) the things that give us a natural high.. just the act of lying in someone else's arms too is emotionally fulfilling to some extent.. Not to mention the need for human touch. It definitely fulfills a human need. I'm not talking about society.. I don't really care what society thinks.. though i'm opposed to people just using other people for sex alone.. I think that is far more degrading in my own personal experience than it would be for someone to seek out a prostitute. And really.. i can see NOTHING wrong or degrading for a man to do this type of thing. I think it's far better he seek out a prostitute than risk impregnating a woman he has no feelings for.. or risk her health when he's sleeping with many women!! It's a human need.. I think our country needs to recognize this and decriminalize prostitution.. It's perfectly legal in several countries btw... I wonder how their mental health situation is compared to ours.. Geez.. we seem to have far more murders and possibly rapes it seems than the average westernized civilization.. Could that be due to sexual frustration? A good topic for a college senior thesis perhaps... I doubt many people would agree with me.. but I definitely think also think there should be prostitutes for women too.. I.E. Men who would take care of a woman's sexual needs... because REALLY it is NOT really always so easy for a woman to get sex.. I'm not overweight but i'm not a runaway model either.. and i find it extremely difficult to find a guy interested in me...Hey. i can hardly find someone to buy me a drink at a nightclub around here.. How am i going to find someone to sleep with me... Guys are just either too shy here.... and there's just not many guys my age around here for one who are nonattached and straight.. and TWO... most are so picky now.. we are all expected to look like something off the cover of a recent Victoria's Secret Catalog.. or someone who's walking down the runway... I even see alot of young girls has issues with their looks and figures b/c there's so much competition to look "perfect".... whatever that means, lol... and guys in our country are so conditioned by the internet and the media to think a certain "look" is all he should be seeking.. BTW.. i would never augment my breasts so i guess automatically i'm out... LOL... Everyone is so crazy about running to the plastic surgeon to fix our imperfections it is insane...The only commercials i have seen lately that seems to accept women are they are is the Dove commercial. Anyway. i'm definitely getting off topic here.. but sure. i'm getting very depressed in the fact i'm not getting any either.. sure.. it affects women. Do you really think corvidae.. that we have any less of a sex drive than you guys? Hey.. i masturbate daily too.. simply cuz i have a sex drive and can't find a willing guy to solve those "needs" with. sometimes i think it would be alot easier on me if i didn't have a sex drive or didn't think of sex so much.. but at least i'm healthy in that regard... As far as what Muneca said.. yeah. i'm all for seeing the status quo change.. hey you guys are complaining about not getting enuf.. we girls are complaining about having to wait UNTIL someone asks us out til we get some loving.. Why can't we just solve this dilemma by making it okay for women to ask guys out? Now.. i can see the naysayers already.. well. guys just wouldn't like that.. i know that is true too in my own experience.. cuz i don't want to hijack your thread corvidae... but maybe you guys need to get over that.. that need to be the alpha male.. why can't a girl be able to go up to a cute guy and say.. hey i'm interested in you.. whatcha think? But.. now.. it's like we'd be looked down upon if we acted that way.. We'd be considered laughing stocks to behave in such a manner. Another thing that really bothers me is that YES the media has to turn everything into something sexual..... sex is used to sell even hamburgers lately.. Arggggh.. Hardees. i may never eat in your restaurant again... But.. what they refuse to address is the fact that we have some insipid and life threatening sexual diseases we now have to contend with... AIDS, HPV.. and Herpes is no treat either.. These condoms can't cover all the areas in which you cud be infected...and don't tell me that condoms are foolproof either! I know they aren't.. they've broken on me in many cases.... that alone is good reason to wait to get married.. Until science can address these health concerns.. it's like so frustrating that the Media would be selling sex to us like it was a totally safe thing nowadays... Sex today has almost become like the poison apple.. I wonder how many more people have been sexually frustrated and become involuntarily celibate since AIDS was discovered? Oh. btw.. corvidae. is that really your picture by your name? If so. then i think women are incredibly picky in your country.. or maybe just their eyesight is very poor. I think you are a very attractive guy myself.. I agree with Muneca.. I would definitely date you if you lived near me.. Course i'm probably a bit too old for you... but i can't see why you wouldn't have a date if this is your picture... Hey.. maybe we should form a club on the internet.. for people who haven't had sex for months or years... at least we would have something in common.. we're all mad to have sex again.. and we know we've not been sleeping around with everything in a pants/skirt. Anyway.. great topic.. hope i've not prattled on too long...

i personally have found the dating sites i signed up for to be a complete waste of time.. One was just for casual dating.. and i only met 3 guys the whole time i was on it... none i would even want to date... and only guy was even interested in dating me... Most of the time.. they just wanted to see a picture.. If you didn't pass "muster" they never even talked to you again! One time.. i agreed to meet this fellow.. i had travelled pretty far to go meet him as i had to travel out of town and he lived not too far from where i'd be working... He never even showed up.. he never even called.. When i yahoo-ed him to ask him why.. he just signed off! I think i've developed an inferiority complex from dealing with the creeps on the websites... They are ruder than rude... they would say things to you.. that normal people would never had the nerve to say in person. I've been stood up so many times.. i have just lost faith in them.. I wish it were easier to meet guys in real life.. but most of the bars are full of people in their early 20s... I've not been in my 20s for several years... so i can't really compete with that.. anyway. i really don't want to date a guy in his 20s.. that's too young. I don't know... i don't have $20 a month anyway to waste on e-mail some guy i'm not even attracted to.... It sure doesn't seem worth the money. If there was a good free website.. I'd be happy to know of it...

Yes, Kookie.. you can pass on AIDS via oral sex.. if you have a cut in your mouth.. that is another way it can happen.. Now.. be honest.. who hasn't bitten the side of your mouth accidentally at some time... and made it bleed? Oh.. how i wish people would realize that AIDS if transmittable beyond having unprotected intercourse. I see all these people having friend with benefits thing.. and casual sex where they are having sex with multiple partners.. I just wonder how many people have been tested for AIDs or STDS?

wow.. Diabra.. i don't know.. part of me wants to say.. hey Yeah.. i'm going to Iraq in a few months... and we all know that poses dangers (let's be honest here) and he might be thinking to himself that he wants to have as much fun as possible before he goes off there and puts his life in danger. Part of me wonder too.. why he couldn't ask you along also? Do you have enuf money for that sort of thing? And i agree i would definitely feel slighted too if i were you. I have a similar experience with a guy i had dated for only a short time and I wish i had read into those signs more. Muneca knows the guy i'm speaking of (sigh) so i've been there.. the guy who make plans with me and then all of a sudden not follow thru on them. He (i'll call him my bf for this post) and I had only known each other a few weeks and he was very attentive.. calling every day.. saying we would do all these things together... Well. there was this big concert coming up in another state.. one of these 3 day affairs and he asked me to go with him... He told me the price and it was like $135... I was like Wow.... but after he told me all these bands that were going to be there.. dave matthews for one (I later found out Bob Dylan was there too, (sigh) I told him i wanted to go also. However.. he told me the concert was happening about a month later than it actually was.. so i took a job assignment out of state to make the money.. It was after all.. early in our relationship and he didn't mention paying my way.. and really i didn't expect him to do so... Okay.. so i'm planning on going to this big concert with him.. a 3 day affair.. out of state. i'm all excited and so pysched... I get this call from him while i'm also out of state working.. that he's going to leave for the concert in about an hour.It just a spur of the moment decision on his part. If i want to come with him.. i need to leave now!!! I was like.. WTF!!! for one. i could of never even probably found his house in an hour, even though he told me where he lived. i'd never been there.. He never said anything about picking me up either... I was SO HURT & DISAPPOINTED.. When he called back later. like you.. i didn't want to say something i would regret later.. Much to my dismay now. i said nothing...Cuz, like YOU i was scared of making an idiot of myself and knew i would start screaming at him if i even got started on how angry i was at him. I should of laid into him how disrespectful and rude he was to just go ahead and break our plans... I have looked forward to that concert for weeks.. Now i couldn't even go. .cuz honestly i didn't even know where it was.. he had told me the wrong date... and i wouldn't have been able to drive up from where i was working anyway (not that i could of ran out of work anyway, he knew i worked weekends) cuz of his late minute change of plans.. He was always like that too.. everything was always a last minute thing for him. Anyway. that's him and he isn't your dude.. but i'd watch out.. I wouldn't kiss his backside when he got back.. I'd let him apologize to you for breaking the date.. Sure. in grand scheme of things it is probably no big deal.. but how he acts after he gets back shows alot of what his character is all about. good luck with your dude BTW.. if you are having sex with this guy.. please sure to have safe sex when he returns.

Well. i don't know. it depends on your relationship with the girl... and how shy she is.... If she is reall outgoing and dates alot or is sexually active.. then maybe i'd say... possibly that three dates show she's not that interested.. If she is an introverted girl and doesn't date too much. then no.. maybe it just takes a while for her to feelign comfortable being that intimate with someone. I went out with a guy... he had asked me out... and we went to a movie.... well.. he was kind of like all over me at the movie.. (no... nothing like trying to get to 2nd base) but he had his arms around me and was hugging me alot at the movie.. i really liked him alot too.. so later when we went to a little bar to get coffee.. and he still hadn't kissed me.. i was getting sort of impatient.. and hey.. i thought that since he already had his hands on me.. he wouldn't mind.. I reached up and kissed him on the mouth.. I don't think it was a French kiss.. but it sure wasnt' a peck on the lips... I was so embarrassed by his reaction.. he didn't seem pleased at all... he just said something like.. "Wow.. i feel like i'm in high school again!".. and NO he didn't kiss me back.. I felt like an idiot.. and so rejected.. He'd just gotten divorced so maybe that's why.. but hey. i'll NEVER EVER try to kiss a guy again if he hasn't kissed me... The weird thing about it though.. was that he wanted me to let him go home with me since he'd sort of had alot to drink throughout the evening.. I was thinking to myself.. what? Hey.. dude. you don't even seem to want to kiss me.. why should i let you come home with me? I couldn't really figure him out though.. if he wasn't attracted to me.. then why did he have his arms around me and let me put my arms around him at the movies?.. Talk about mixed messages!! If can figure out this behavior, please let me know.

Listen dude.. don't feel this way about yourself.. Please.. you are just a young guy and you have your whole life ahead of you. And not feel defensive or ashamed cuz you've never been kissed.. Listen man.. do you know how many people are running around carrying Veneral Diseases now cuz they fooled around with the wrong person or had sexual bed partners....? The numbers are staggering... And women Do NOT want to bed or be with a guy like that.... believe me.. that's half the reason i don't date that much.. no matter how smooth he is at the lines.. They want to date a guy who's not going to give them anything.. That would be YOU!! See it is a good thing you've been not the ladies man... if you look at it in a positive light. Man. .i wish i was in my early 20s again... Try going out to a social setting.. church groups...a gym.. how about a biking or hiking club? anywhere that you get to interact with other people.. not necesarrily with girls. Cuz it sounds like you spend too much time alone.. and that is not good for your soul in itself. Have you thought about taking up an instrument?.. like the guitar... Knowing how to play the guitar has opened more doors for me.. or brought me more friends i woulnd't have had otherwise. How about an exciting hobby. .like learning to fly? Again.. this is like a social club in itself.. besides being such an exciting thing to do... Pilot always hang out at the airport.. hangar flying... And girls love a guy who's adventurous.. How about learning to ride a motorcycle?.. You could join a motorcycle club. Go out of the house... As far as your looks.. i bet you aren't half as unappealing as you think.. Why don't you go to a good hair stylist and ask them to give you a haircut that's appealing? There's so many girls out there who would die to get to meet a guy who's sincere and loving like you... And so many who only get to meet the cads and the players.. who break their hearts and treat them like scum. I swear.. you need to get out there man.. and let people see your stuff!!! You have so much to offer... don't let it hide under a bush.... I'm rooting for you dude.. please don't let your life go by wishing you had done something.. It's not a good thing.. An that dude is right.. dating is like a numbers thing sometimes.. Sometimes you have to ask 3 girls out.. to get one that's willing.. It's sort of like sales.. Believe me.. i've done cold calls in sales before..you can't let the ones who say... No Way.. get to you... Just pass them by and go on to the ones who will say, Sure, I'd be interested in you!... You can do it.. I know you can.. Please keep us posted, okay?

Muneca.. you wrote that he wrote: Well he's let me know he fantasizes about sex with me So maybe that's it. Hey.. that's very normal for a guy to do... even a girl about another guy. He's just letting you know that he does think of you in a sexual way, but he's willing to wait.. I think it's sweet and a bit flattering myself. I had a boyfriend, who after we made love the first time, called me on the phone the next evening and said he was thinking about me.. or rather as he put it "he couldn't stop thinking about me.. he was going off to play with himself (while he was thinking about me i presumed) and then go to bed." Guys are funny creatures. I was kind of tickled by his message.. Unfortunately I happened to listen to it on my cell phone while I was at work and all these straight laced customers were standing right next to me and probably heard everything he said!! Needless to say.. i asked him not to leave that kind of message on my voice mail as i often had my cellphone with me at work... I kind of wish i didn't tell him that.. I think i hurt his feelings.. but i did like the message itself.. I was just embarrassed hearing it at work. I would ask him though.. say if even if you guys were having sex.. if why he is not ready for a relationship. For instance.. if you were sleeping with each other. would he still not be wanting a relationship? if that were the case.. yeah.. then i would say you are wasting your time.. unless you want a sex buddy.. which in this day and age seems kind of dangerous. Sounds like the guy really likes you to me though.

Yeah.. i agree with shorty.. the guy should always make the first move unless the girl just wants to be the aggressor. However.. contrary to what alot of guys say.. when a girl does this... the guy doesn't like it or respects her or whatever.. Call it social conditioning.. call it in the genes.. heck.. i don't know.. but just the way THINGS are.. For god's sake.. call her.. you like her.. step up to the plate and TELL her. Maybe she thinks that you don't like her with all this wishy washy stuff. Good luck. don't wait.. life is short!

ummm.. where to start... first off.. you work together... second.. she told you herself she doesn't do relationships... so what is she doing kissing you?.. just leading you on.. unless all she wants is some friends with benefits thing... third.. she's living with her ex... Now.. to top it off.. she is giving you all these mixed messages... I would advise you walk.. no run from this lady's advances at all costs.. I can only see you getting hurt possibly.... unless all you want is a physical fling. But still.. what's the deal with still living with the ex??? That's messed up... is he her ex husband or ex boyfriend? Anyway.. it already seems too complicated and you're not even involved with her yet.. If she's going thru a divorce.. she's still probably got ALOT of emotional issues to work out before she's ready for a relationship and she knows that.. but she likes the attention and affection she's getting from you. To me.. it sounds like poison.. but it's your life.. but you did ask my opinion.. I'd proceed with extreme caution if it were me...