I'm 56 and feel like a financial failure this late in life.

[mylolita]

What about another idea, just to put it out there?

 

What about, allow him to financially provide where and everywhere he wants for you. He seems very happy to do that, I would take that at face value for what it is. Men normally say what they mean and mean what they say for the most part.

 

On the flip side; with the money you save by not contributing half; not paying for travel or meals out or groceries, put into a savings account. And then if you would like, you could start looking into an evening job a few nights a week, or night school, or learning some kind of trade that once qualified is uncomplicated and made ready and easy to get the ball rolling. For instance, I know a female decorator. She is very neat, very efficient and very conscientious. She charges £200 for the day, that is, from 8am to 4pm. Not a bad side line which needs absolutely no qualification and can be jumped on once some basic materials are bought. 
 

I am not saying become a painter but, trades are very sought after at the moment. 
 

I would definitely let him provide for you financially, and what you can save, when the pressure to contribute financially is loosened, could end up in an account for you. You still do so much for him. You can still treat him in other ways, or even contribute now and then but, it is the relentless daily, weekly and monthly financial contributions I think you are struggling with. He is willing to take off the pressure! I would allow that, or at least see how it goes for you for a set amount of time, to gauge your comfort level.

 

It’s okay to need someone or rely on someone. It’s also sensible to plan for your future and have savings of some kind. A bit of both seems like a decent compromise?

 

x

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, mylolita said:

For instance, I know a female decorator. She is very neat, very efficient and very conscientious. She charges £200 for the day, that is, from 8am to 4pm. Not a bad side line which needs absolutely no qualification and can be jumped on once some basic materials are bought. 

The people I know who excel at those sorts of services -like organizing homes etc spend many many hours networking and/or getting professional certifications, and advertising -on their own dime and time so the $200 doesn't account for all those hours in order to get steady clientele.

[catfeeder]

Sorry in advance if this was covered already: the best couple's money resolution I've ever found has been to create a 'couple's' budget along with 3 accounts: His, Hers and Ours.

The Ours account covers the budget, which includes all shared expenses, targeted savings, and long term investments.

So each partner contributes an agreed upon percentage to the Ours account each month. The percentage is based on earned income.

Each partner can save or spend their leftover funds as they see fit.

This will allow your partner to contribute more to the household, even while it allows you to step up to pay for some of the fun things he gets to treat today.

This will also allow you enough discretionary spending to put funds aside for emergencies and retirement.

Head high, your wages are not a measurement of your worth. Your focus on giving loving care to people does not carry a price tag.

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, catfeeder said:

Sorry in advance if this was covered already: the best couple's money resolution I've ever found has been to create a 'couple's' budget along with 3 accounts: His, Hers and Ours.

The Ours account covers the budget, which includes all shared expenses, targeted savings, and long term investments.

So each partner contributes an agreed upon percentage to the Ours account each month. The percentage is based on earned income.

Each partner can save or spend their leftover funds as they see fit.

This will allow your partner to contribute more to the household, even while it allows you to step up to pay for some of the fun things he gets to treat today.

This will also allow you enough discretionary spending to put funds aside for emergencies and retirement.

Head high, your wages are not a measurement of your worth. Your focus on giving loving care to people does not carry a price tag.

I would not do this outside of a marital or similarly formal commitment.  If she mingles funds (beyond I guess they both contribute to the mortgage) then if she needs to unmingle for retirement well, good luck with that.  

[boltnrun]

I am also 56.  Up until a month ago I had no retirement savings account (and therefore zero retirement savings) and I don't own a home, and I am 100% single with no husband and no boyfriend.  I was absolutely terrified that I might have to burden my adult child with caring for me when I can no longer work.  So I bit the bullet and got a job that offers benefits and a retirement savings plan with an employer match.

I do like the work.  Is it exciting?  No, of course not!  And yes, I do have to sit in front of a computer for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week.  But the alternative was to have no way to take care of myself when I retire and having to pay a lot more for medical insurance.  And my employer offers other great benefits such as low cost life insurance.  My adult son will not have to dig into his savings to bury me when I die because my life insurance will more than cover the cost.  I also have catastrophic injury coverage, vision and dental and an HSA.

Now I can breathe.  So much stress has been lifted.  And best of all, I won't have to be a burden on my adult son.

Sometimes we have to do something we don't really want to because, well, we have to.

You're not a "failure".  You're worried and stressed.  But there are solutions out there.

[catfeeder]

2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I would not do this outside of a marital or similarly formal commitment.  If she mingles funds (beyond I guess they both contribute to the mortgage) then if she needs to unmingle for retirement well, good luck with that.  

I realize that there are negotiable details and my post is simplified, but I see the 3 account method as a way for both partners to make a contribution to one shared account without wiping one partner out of an ability to save ANYthing each month.

That makes no sense--it can all be negotiated--in writing

[mylolita]

7 hours ago, Batya33 said:

The people I know who excel at those sorts of services -like organizing homes etc spend many many hours networking and/or getting professional certifications, and advertising -on their own dime and time so the $200 doesn't account for all those hours in order to get steady clientele.

Morning Batya!

 

The lady I know - all her work is word of mouth! After doing a job, it kind of rolls from there. It’s normally a working class thing, so you head down the pub after work, where all the other trades people mingle and drink; and everyone has a million jobs on, and they say hey, I need an electrician for this new build, hey, anyone a painter? That’s how the majority of trade work gets secured where I am anyway. Or they say, I don’t need that service, but my friend I know does, give me your card.

 

The guy who is decorating our house at the moment, he only decided to start painting a month back. We are his first job, and now he has two others lined up back to back after ours. We live small, word of mouth. This may be different for a huge city but you do have micro social circles and social groups even in larger places. This guy trust me isn’t a networking king; he has been clean off heroin for 8 months and was living on benefits for the rest of it. He is in survival mode. The money we give him, he needs paying that after every job with no delay. But he is the best decorator I have ever seen! And I recommended him to another friend, who will use him. Maybe this works differently in America?

 

I am throwing out suggestions that offer instant extra cash as a degree is a 3 year plus down the line planning thing. You could still go to night school with maybe one decorator job or something similar like dog walking under your belt each week. 

 

Cleaning also offers instant extra easy income to create some savings in a small space of time. It requires no qualifications and anyone can do it.

 

When I worked as a letting agent, at the estate agents I worked for, they used a cleaning company for cleans before a tenant moved in and when they moved out. I only worked part time, I was 24, and needed a cash injection at the time. I suggested to my boss to use me as the cleaner instead. I charged £15 an hour and would do 3 houses a week on top of my job. It wasn’t a permanent solution but it gave me a little bit of extra money.

 

Night schools and degrees are very good; but if you have no extra money and need to start saving, I imagine you want to have something that is quite instant?

 

I would still suggest allowing him to pay for what he has insisted he would and putting that extra into her account as well. 
 

Willow - if you guys stay together, then you can contribute if you would like with your savings!

 

I think it does best to remember that savings and retirement funds are a privileged thing. Most people; and most people I know, have no extra money for anything, let alone retirement. They receive their state pension at 65 and imagine either continuing to work, or trying to be very frugal and live off that. 
 

I was only driving around yesterday and got well out into different parts and saw the rows and rows of houses all falling apart with scruffy kids outside and the Mums be frazzled shouting at them. I realised that most people live near the bread line. Most people don’t own beautiful houses, or have hundreds of thousands of pounds in savings or assets. So many people, the majority, struggle through and do the best they can. I am not saying just accept your situation. I am saying that a nest egg, and large savings, is a luxury, often worked very hard for and planned well in advance. Sometimes it comes about with luck and opportunity. 
 

If Willow, you can’t find satisfaction or be comfortable with your partner supporting you financially, I would suggest gritting your teeth and going back to your better paid job. Did it have retirement benefits? Sorry, I forgot from reading your first post! 
 

Or maybe you could apply for different jobs within your field that are better paid? Or try for a managerial role within your care home? I realise this is probably taking you away from the hands on aspect of the job that gives you the most joy. 
 

Another idea - set up your own individual care services and advertise. We live in an ageing population. You do not need to quit your current job to do this. My Grandad who was 92 recently passed. He ended up needing just basic care - some cleaning duties, some simple meal making and helping in and out of the bath, with dressing and getting off his chair. Maybe if there was an independent local person offering that service with the experience you have, my family might have gone for that, instead of a large, faceless company? 
 

Just throwing out suggestions. You can disregard of course! Nothing will be an immediate quick fix aside from pocketing the money you would use to contribute and allowing him to do that for you!

 

x

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, catfeeder said:

 funds aside for emergencies and retirement.

They're not married.  He is a tenant. He has his own retirement accounts. She has none, nor is she entitled to his. If he dies or leaves, then she's out the rental income.

He's offered to assist paying more for necessary repairs and bills, but she refuses although he makes several times her income.

She doesn't want financial advice on tax strategies or financial planning...

 

[Batya33]

5 hours ago, mylolita said:

The lady I know - all her work is word of mouth! After doing a job, it kind of rolls from there. It’s normally a working class thing, so you head down the pub after work, where all the other trades people mingle and drink; and everyone has a million jobs on, and they say hey, I need an electrician for this new build, hey, anyone a painter? That’s how the majority of trade work gets secured where I am anyway. Or they say, I don’t need that service, but my friend I know does, give me your card.

Yes -we have different experiences.  Where I live word of mouth works great and takes hours and also requires lots of social media, networking, potentially paying someone or outsourcing to manage the financial end, etc and all the time setting up appointments, rescheduling, dealing with cancellations and potential collection issues.  It's a business that can make enough $ only with that sort of hours and time and expenses commitment -otherwise it's just a very minimal side hustle.  

Rght now there is more $ to be made because of the pandemic/post pandemic/telework - people more interested in decorating, cleaning, organizing, etc.  To me the real money is found in people who are skilled and licensed in kitchen and other home renovations -not just decorating/organizing.  

Individual care service is great -she should check what licenses/certifications are required plus what insurance she would need to protect herself.  I love the idea of owning one's own business and I think it's great when people take into account these hidden costs/time commitments.  Maybe where you live there aren't such requirements or insurance isn't needed because it's not as risky.  

I realize we have different experiences and I respect your opinion!

[mylolita]

47 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Yes -we have different experiences.  Where I live word of mouth works great and takes hours and also requires lots of social media, networking, potentially paying someone or outsourcing to manage the financial end, etc and all the time setting up appointments, rescheduling, dealing with cancellations and potential collection issues.  It's a business that can make enough $ only with that sort of hours and time and expenses commitment -otherwise it's just a very minimal side hustle.  

Rght now there is more $ to be made because of the pandemic/post pandemic/telework - people more interested in decorating, cleaning, organizing, etc.  To me the real money is found in people who are skilled and licensed in kitchen and other home renovations -not just decorating/organizing.  

Individual care service is great -she should check what licenses/certifications are required plus what insurance she would need to protect herself.  I love the idea of owning one's own business and I think it's great when people take into account these hidden costs/time commitments.  Maybe where you live there aren't such requirements or insurance isn't needed because it's not as risky.  

I realize we have different experiences and I respect your opinion!

Sorry Batya, I didn’t mean to come across defensive my dear, apologies! 
 

No, I completely think your point of insurance and networking is more than valid. It depends how big a business you want. I am taking it OP already has a job, I am guessing she just wants a cash injection quite fast; and then maybe a long term plan running in the background also.

 

It’s quite hard to come up with money tomorrow. Some people have more of a knack for it - as you say; a whole lot of what looks like easy good ol’ luck if the drawer turns out to be long slog hours, workaholic natures and drive drive drive!

 

x

[boltnrun]

I also experienced a lot of "ageism" when I was trying to find work.  I had a great interview with a company, was told I would be great for the job, got called "a breath of fresh air", and got invited for a second interview with the business owner.  She was polite but I could tell she was turned off by my age.  She took me around the business, and EVERYONE was in their 20s and early 30s.  Except for me (and the owner, of course!).  The shop manager was her son who was about 22 years old. I didn't hear back so I called the agency that had setup the interview and the agent tactfully said "they're looking for a more perfect fit".  I understood, they wanted someone who wasn't so old.  And I had that happen a few more times, which made me wonder why they bothered interviewing me except I guess they could have gotten in trouble for age discrimination?  Not sure.

Fortunately, the job I have now is with a company that values years of experience.  About half of the employees are my age or a few years older or younger, with 20 years and more of experience.  I got very, very lucky. 

But I can't imagine that delaying three or four more years to get a degree (which would put me at age 59 or 60!) would increase my chances of finding a good career position when I'd be competing with 22 to 35 year olds who have decades ahead of them to work.

Can you build up your clientele so you have more than one client?  I could see that helping you to have more income and maybe at some point you could get a business license and start a service of your own.   Then maybe have a few more caregivers working for you.  That could be a good retirement plan, your own business.

[catfeeder]

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

They're not married.  He is a tenant. He has his own retirement accounts. She has none, nor is she entitled to his. If he dies or leaves, then she's out the rental income.

He's offered to assist paying more for necessary repairs and bills, but she refuses although he makes several times her income.

She doesn't want financial advice on tax strategies or financial planning...

 

Always a pleasure, WM. Fewer and fewer domestic partners marry these days. They can negotiate anything they want beyond the traditional. I'm sticking with my suggestions.

[Batya33]

4 hours ago, mylolita said:

Sorry Batya, I didn’t mean to come across defensive my dear, apologies! 
 

No, I completely think your point of insurance and networking is more than valid. It depends how big a business you want. I am taking it OP already has a job, I am guessing she just wants a cash injection quite fast; and then maybe a long term plan running in the background also.

 

It’s quite hard to come up with money tomorrow. Some people have more of a knack for it - as you say; a whole lot of what looks like easy good ol’ luck if the drawer turns out to be long slog hours, workaholic natures and drive drive drive!

 

x

Not an issue at all -just assumed where you lived things worked differently! 

[Batya33]

53 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

Always a pleasure, WM. Fewer and fewer domestic partners marry these days. They can negotiate anything they want beyond the traditional. I'm sticking with my suggestions.

Of course! My friend's then partner set up a trust fund for their son.  But when he died in his 50s, because they were not married she had no access to his financial accounts, no inheritance (they ended up being estranged but still living together when he died) and no legal leg to stand on other than pertained to her son's inheritance as she was his legal guardian.  So they could have negotiated more than providing for their son for sure.  Perhaps the OP could arrange for that and they also can work out who would pay the legal expenses for the documentation.  

[Willowgirl55]

On 7/29/2022 at 5:07 PM, mylolita said:

What about another idea, just to put it out there?

 

What about, allow him to financially provide where and everywhere he wants for you. He seems very happy to do that, I would take that at face value for what it is. Men normally say what they mean and mean what they say for the most part.

 

On the flip side; with the money you save by not contributing half; not paying for travel or meals out or groceries, put into a savings account. And then if you would like, you could start looking into an evening job a few nights a week, or night school, or learning some kind of trade that once qualified is uncomplicated and made ready and easy to get the ball rolling. For instance, I know a female decorator. She is very neat, very efficient and very conscientious. She charges £200 for the day, that is, from 8am to 4pm. Not a bad side line which needs absolutely no qualification and can be jumped on once some basic materials are bought. 
 

I am not saying become a painter but, trades are very sought after at the moment. 
 

I would definitely let him provide for you financially, and what you can save, when the pressure to contribute financially is loosened, could end up in an account for you. You still do so much for him. You can still treat him in other ways, or even contribute now and then but, it is the relentless daily, weekly and monthly financial contributions I think you are struggling with. He is willing to take off the pressure! I would allow that, or at least see how it goes for you for a set amount of time, to gauge your comfort level.

 

It’s okay to need someone or rely on someone. It’s also sensible to plan for your future and have savings of some kind. A bit of both seems like a decent compromise?

 

x

Thank you @ 

[Willowgirl55]

On 7/29/2022 at 6:52 PM, catfeeder said:

Sorry in advance if this was covered already: the best couple's money resolution I've ever found has been to create a 'couple's' budget along with 3 accounts: His, Hers and Ours.

The Ours account covers the budget, which includes all shared expenses, targeted savings, and long term investments.

So each partner contributes an agreed upon percentage to the Ours account each month. The percentage is based on earned income.

Each partner can save or spend their leftover funds as they see fit.

This will allow your partner to contribute more to the household, even while it allows you to step up to pay for some of the fun things he gets to treat today.

This will also allow you enough discretionary spending to put funds aside for emergencies and retirement.

Head high, your wages are not a measurement of your worth. Your focus on giving loving care to people does not carry a price tag.

I like this ! Thank you ! 

[Willowgirl55]

On 7/30/2022 at 11:08 AM, boltnrun said:

I also experienced a lot of "ageism" when I was trying to find work.  I had a great interview with a company, was told I would be great for the job, got called "a breath of fresh air", and got invited for a second interview with the business owner.  She was polite but I could tell she was turned off by my age.  She took me around the business, and EVERYONE was in their 20s and early 30s.  Except for me (and the owner, of course!).  The shop manager was her son who was about 22 years old. I didn't hear back so I called the agency that had setup the interview and the agent tactfully said "they're looking for a more perfect fit".  I understood, they wanted someone who wasn't so old.  And I had that happen a few more times, which made me wonder why they bothered interviewing me except I guess they could have gotten in trouble for age discrimination?  Not sure.

Fortunately, the job I have now is with a company that values years of experience.  About half of the employees are my age or a few years older or younger, with 20 years and more of experience.  I got very, very lucky. 

But I can't imagine that delaying three or four more years to get a degree (which would put me at age 59 or 60!) would increase my chances of finding a good career position when I'd be competing with 22 to 35 year olds who have decades ahead of them to work.

Can you build up your clientele so you have more than one client?  I could see that helping you to have more income and maybe at some point you could get a business license and start a service of your own.   Then maybe have a few more caregivers working for you.  That could be a good retirement plan, your own business.

The agency I work for isn't a very good agency at all. I've tried going out in my own but it's hard to get clients as most people don't want strangers coming into their homes now adays. Starting a business of my own requires licensing with the state and such. Something I have no desire to do as it's quite difficult. Considering looking to work for a other agency, hoping with my experience now they will pay better. Thanks !

[Batya33]

6 minutes ago, Willowgirl55 said:

I like this ! Thank you ! 

Yes it does work well for married couples.  So retain an attorney and perhaps a CPA and have an agreement drawn up that covers what is yours, what is his -and know that a joint account means he can take it all out if he cares to and if you're not married you're basically out of luck.  Would he be willing to set up a retirement account for you in your name or a trust fund -if he's so committed to providing for you perhaps he would.  Neither of you wants to marry which is fine so invest in creating a marital like agreement for financial purposes.

[Willowgirl55]

On 7/30/2022 at 2:05 AM, mylolita said:

Morning Batya!

 

The lady I know - all her work is word of mouth! After doing a job, it kind of rolls from there. It’s normally a working class thing, so you head down the pub after work, where all the other trades people mingle and drink; and everyone has a million jobs on, and they say hey, I need an electrician for this new build, hey, anyone a painter? That’s how the majority of trade work gets secured where I am anyway. Or they say, I don’t need that service, but my friend I know does, give me your card.

 

The guy who is decorating our house at the moment, he only decided to start painting a month back. We are his first job, and now he has two others lined up back to back after ours. We live small, word of mouth. This may be different for a huge city but you do have micro social circles and social groups even in larger places. This guy trust me isn’t a networking king; he has been clean off heroin for 8 months and was living on benefits for the rest of it. He is in survival mode. The money we give him, he needs paying that after every job with no delay. But he is the best decorator I have ever seen! And I recommended him to another friend, who will use him. Maybe this works differently in America?

 

I am throwing out suggestions that offer instant extra cash as a degree is a 3 year plus down the line planning thing. You could still go to night school with maybe one decorator job or something similar like dog walking under your belt each week. 

 

Cleaning also offers instant extra easy income to create some savings in a small space of time. It requires no qualifications and anyone can do it.

 

When I worked as a letting agent, at the estate agents I worked for, they used a cleaning company for cleans before a tenant moved in and when they moved out. I only worked part time, I was 24, and needed a cash injection at the time. I suggested to my boss to use me as the cleaner instead. I charged £15 an hour and would do 3 houses a week on top of my job. It wasn’t a permanent solution but it gave me a little bit of extra money.

 

Night schools and degrees are very good; but if you have no extra money and need to start saving, I imagine you want to have something that is quite instant?

 

I would still suggest allowing him to pay for what he has insisted he would and putting that extra into her account as well. 
 

Willow - if you guys stay together, then you can contribute if you would like with your savings!

 

I think it does best to remember that savings and retirement funds are a privileged thing. Most people; and most people I know, have no extra money for anything, let alone retirement. They receive their state pension at 65 and imagine either continuing to work, or trying to be very frugal and live off that. 
 

I was only driving around yesterday and got well out into different parts and saw the rows and rows of houses all falling apart with scruffy kids outside and the Mums be frazzled shouting at them. I realised that most people live near the bread line. Most people don’t own beautiful houses, or have hundreds of thousands of pounds in savings or assets. So many people, the majority, struggle through and do the best they can. I am not saying just accept your situation. I am saying that a nest egg, and large savings, is a luxury, often worked very hard for and planned well in advance. Sometimes it comes about with luck and opportunity. 
 

If Willow, you can’t find satisfaction or be comfortable with your partner supporting you financially, I would suggest gritting your teeth and going back to your better paid job. Did it have retirement benefits? Sorry, I forgot from reading your first post! 
 

Or maybe you could apply for different jobs within your field that are better paid? Or try for a managerial role within your care home? I realise this is probably taking you away from the hands on aspect of the job that gives you the most joy. 
 

Another idea - set up your own individual care services and advertise. We live in an ageing population. You do not need to quit your current job to do this. My Grandad who was 92 recently passed. He ended up needing just basic care - some cleaning duties, some simple meal making and helping in and out of the bath, with dressing and getting off his chair. Maybe if there was an independent local person offering that service with the experience you have, my family might have gone for that, instead of a large, faceless company? 
 

Just throwing out suggestions. You can disregard of course! Nothing will be an immediate quick fix aside from pocketing the money you would use to contribute and allowing him to do that for you!

 

x

Yes...you understand. Not every has the luxury of a retirement fund. I have my home and that's all I have. 

I've advertised care services ony own through Craiglist and have only received responses from very lonely men looking for massages. It's discouraging. Going to try working for another agency as theres nothing stopping me from working for another agency . Thank you !

[Willowgirl55]

7 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Yes it does work well for married couples.  So retain an attorney and perhaps a CPA and have an agreement drawn up that covers what is yours, what is his -and know that a joint account means he can take it all out if he cares to and if you're not married you're basically out of luck.  Would he be willing to set up a retirement account for you in your name or a trust fund -if he's so committed to providing for you perhaps he would.  Neither of you wants to marry which is fine so invest in creating a marital like agreement for financial purposes.

Hmmm good point. Thank you !

[Willowgirl55]

On 7/29/2022 at 6:55 PM, boltnrun said:

I am also 56.  Up until a month ago I had no retirement savings account (and therefore zero retirement savings) and I don't own a home, and I am 100% single with no husband and no boyfriend.  I was absolutely terrified that I might have to burden my adult child with caring for me when I can no longer work.  So I bit the bullet and got a job that offers benefits and a retirement savings plan with an employer match.

I do like the work.  Is it exciting?  No, of course not!  And yes, I do have to sit in front of a computer for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week.  But the alternative was to have no way to take care of myself when I retire and having to pay a lot more for medical insurance.  And my employer offers other great benefits such as low cost life insurance.  My adult son will not have to dig into his savings to bury me when I die because my life insurance will more than cover the cost.  I also have catastrophic injury coverage, vision and dental and an HSA.

Now I can breathe.  So much stress has been lifted.  And best of all, I won't have to be a burden on my adult son.

Sometimes we have to do something we don't really want to because, well, we have to.

You're not a "failure".  You're worried and stressed.  But there are solutions out there.

OH WOW! This is inspiring!!! I am looking for full time work doing something that I actually enjoy this time. For decades I've worked doing Customer Service jobs that mentally drained me every day. It's not easy work at a and I had to quit as it was taking a toll on my health. Sadly what I do now pays horribly but I enjoy it. Hopefully I can find something enjoyable and keep my little bird lady client as we really enjoy each other's company. Thank you ! 

[Willowgirl55]

On 7/29/2022 at 5:07 PM, mylolita said:

What about another idea, just to put it out there?

 

What about, allow him to financially provide where and everywhere he wants for you. He seems very happy to do that, I would take that at face value for what it is. Men normally say what they mean and mean what they say for the most part.

 

On the flip side; with the money you save by not contributing half; not paying for travel or meals out or groceries, put into a savings account. And then if you would like, you could start looking into an evening job a few nights a week, or night school, or learning some kind of trade that once qualified is uncomplicated and made ready and easy to get the ball rolling. For instance, I know a female decorator. She is very neat, very efficient and very conscientious. She charges £200 for the day, that is, from 8am to 4pm. Not a bad side line which needs absolutely no qualification and can be jumped on once some basic materials are bought. 
 

I am not saying become a painter but, trades are very sought after at the moment. 
 

I would definitely let him provide for you financially, and what you can save, when the pressure to contribute financially is loosened, could end up in an account for you. You still do so much for him. You can still treat him in other ways, or even contribute now and then but, it is the relentless daily, weekly and monthly financial contributions I think you are struggling with. He is willing to take off the pressure! I would allow that, or at least see how it goes for you for a set amount of time, to gauge your comfort level.

 

It’s okay to need someone or rely on someone. It’s also sensible to plan for your future and have savings of some kind. A bit of both seems like a decent compromise?

 

x

This is good advice thank you ! 

[catfeeder]

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Yes it does work well for married couples.  So retain an attorney and perhaps a CPA and have an agreement drawn up that covers what is yours, what is his -and know that a joint account means he can take it all out if he cares to and if you're not married you're basically out of luck.  Would he be willing to set up a retirement account for you in your name or a trust fund -if he's so committed to providing for you perhaps he would.  Neither of you wants to marry which is fine so invest in creating a marital like agreement for financial purposes.

The Ours account can be limited to only Monthly expenses or Targeted savings, such as a planned vacation or household emergency fund. This would limit any losses if there were to be a break up.

But the point is arranging shared spending so that you can each have some discretionary funds rather than tapping yourself out each month. 

You can begin your own retirement account this way, and if he wants to set up one for you separately, that would be from his own discretionary funds. If he wants to make you a beneficiary of his, then that's where the rules and laws of that would require advisement.

If you don't marry, he would need to codify you in his will and legally ensure you as a recipient of his death certificate. 

So this system can be as simple or as complex as you both agree to make it, but it can work to leave you some discretionary income when you both agree on the value of your contribution to the household in all ways, including non-monetary.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Willowgirl55 said:

The agency I work for isn't a very good agency at all. I've tried going out in my own but it's hard to get clients as most people don't want strangers coming into their homes now adays. Starting a business of my own requires licensing with the state and such. Something I have no desire to do as it's quite difficult. Considering looking to work for a other agency, hoping with my experience now they will pay better. Thanks !

Start by speaking honestly to him about finances. He has offered to pay the bills so allow that. You could also raise his rent to a more appropriate income-proportionate level. If he talks about his retirement account calling it "ours", that is actually not true.

You are not entitled to that or his social security, as you would be if you were married. You can easily check with the SSA to see where you stand. You can also talk to a banker about setting up a retirement account.

Is he divorced? Widowed? Does he have children? Are you divorce/widowed/have children? Do either of you have your wills set up?

This would allow you to save more money for your own future. While you have an asset in the house, you still need something to live on. Talk to him. Be honest about your financial concerns, needed repairs, etc. There's no reason he should make many more times what you do, live cheaply in your house and save while you struggle to get by.

[itsallgrand]

3 hours ago, Willowgirl55 said:

The agency I work for isn't a very good agency at all. I've tried going out in my own but it's hard to get clients as most people don't want strangers coming into their homes now adays. Starting a business of my own requires licensing with the state and such. Something I have no desire to do as it's quite difficult. Considering looking to work for a other agency, hoping with my experience now they will pay better. Thanks !

You might try a respite agency as it's an opportunity to work with many different clients and get valuable experience. 

I used to work in support work back in the day. I got up to a rather high pay grade simply by being willing to work with difficult clients no one else wanted to work with! I'm not sure if you are willing to do that, but it can be a fast track to getting extra education and classes by agencies, and creating that demand and word of mouth for your services. 

Good luck.