It's over..then why is he acting this way????

[island nina]

I'll try to make it short. Been around this website since my boyfriend broke up with me (April 1st). I was feeling so bad, and somehow reading about people feeling bad made me feel better.

 

I went tru a really bad time. Did not eat, smoke a lot, slept for hours and still felt so tired. Did not talk to him at all, no msn, no phone calls, NADA.

 

It took me a month to begin to feel better. I started working full time and allowed myself to be more open to people around me. Most of all, i let go of all the anger. I allowed myself to think about the good times and accepted the fact that i had no regrets. If i had to do it over again i would still have made the choice to give him my number 1 year ago!

 

Well i unblocked him on msn and he immediately started to talk to me. Wanted to know what i had been up to...

Now we talk everyday. If i'm not connected on msn he calls me before going to bed every night.

The thing is : i know i'll never be able to love him the way i did before. I still like spending time and talking to him.

 

Now things are getting weird and my newly stabilized state of mind is getting shaky.....(let's be honest). I feel like i'm playing with fire. And so is he. It's like he knows i'm not his anymore and he feels threatened. I dont know.

He knows that i have been seeing other guys lately. Not involved seriously or sleeping around. But i'm just "getting to know" them and being socially active. Well he's been asking questions about them. I know he is probably seeing other girls. He tells me about them.

Yesterday i was sick and stuck in bed. He came to see me. He cooked for me. Stayed until i fell asleep.

Now i'm awake and wondering....

 

What do you guys think? What should i do?

 

The only thing i know is that i never ever want to feel as bad as last month. And up until now I was doing pretty well....

[birdgirl]

Sounds like maybe he's either regretting what he did because he loves you, or stringing you along in case he doesn't find something better. If he's still seeing other girls and still coming around you, I wouldn't get too attached. You seem to be keeping your emotional distance, and that's smart.

[punchy504]

He is acting this way because he is probably confused about if the breakup was the right thing, I would not encourage the close "boyfriend/girlfriend" type behaviors if you don't want to get back with him, remain friends but keep the intimacy out of it. If you do want to get back together take it very very very slow, unless you want to feel what you felt last month in about 3 or 4 months

[island nina]

Like you said...I seem to keep my emotional distance...I act tough around him. I know I will never feel the same way about him. But still...there's this thing called Heart....I guess I still have some sort of feelings for him.

Should i start NC?

 

I feel like i'm losing control of the situation.

 

Sometimes it seems like he is testing me, trying to get a reaction.

 

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

[Falucchi]

What or why he is doing what he's doing is secondary.

I'd turn the questioning and control back to you:

 

Why do you want to keep in contact with someone who hurt you so badly?

who dated you, got to know you, then rejected you?

who you feel is testing you to get a reaction?

who you feel you are "losing control" by being around?

who you feel you must keep your "emtional distance" around?

 

I think it's always empowering to understand why you do what you do, rather than trying to figure out and react to someone else's behavior.

 

Is being in touch with this guy healthy for you, considering the emotional and physical pain you went through a mere 60 days ago?

 

It's fine to have feelings for a former love, and want to remember the "good times" but you also should remember the pain, and ask yourself if having this person in your life is worth the risk. Isn't it kind of painful and hard to call someone a "friend" when you must keep up an emotional distance?

Take care.

And sing Gloria Gaynor:

I WIll Survive

It took all the strength I had

not to fall apart

kept trying hard to mend

the pieces of my broken heart

and I spent oh so many nights

just feeling sorry for myself

I used to cry

But now I hold my head up high

and you see me

somebody new

I'm not that chained up little person

still in love with you

and so you felt like dropping in

and just expect me to be free

and now I'm saving all my loving

for someone who's loving me