island nina

Like you said...I seem to keep my emotional distance...I act tough around him. I know I will never feel the same way about him. But still...there's this thing called Heart....I guess I still have some sort of feelings for him. Should i start NC? I feel like i'm losing control of the situation. Sometimes it seems like he is testing me, trying to get a reaction. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

I'll try to make it short. Been around this website since my boyfriend broke up with me (April 1st). I was feeling so bad, and somehow reading about people feeling bad made me feel better. I went tru a really bad time. Did not eat, smoke a lot, slept for hours and still felt so tired. Did not talk to him at all, no msn, no phone calls, NADA. It took me a month to begin to feel better. I started working full time and allowed myself to be more open to people around me. Most of all, i let go of all the anger. I allowed myself to think about the good times and accepted the fact that i had no regrets. If i had to do it over again i would still have made the choice to give him my number 1 year ago! Well i unblocked him on msn and he immediately started to talk to me. Wanted to know what i had been up to... Now we talk everyday. If i'm not connected on msn he calls me before going to bed every night. The thing is : i know i'll never be able to love him the way i did before. I still like spending time and talking to him. Now things are getting weird and my newly stabilized state of mind is getting shaky.....(let's be honest). I feel like i'm playing with fire. And so is he. It's like he knows i'm not his anymore and he feels threatened. I dont know. He knows that i have been seeing other guys lately. Not involved seriously or sleeping around. But i'm just "getting to know" them and being socially active. Well he's been asking questions about them. I know he is probably seeing other girls. He tells me about them. Yesterday i was sick and stuck in bed. He came to see me. He cooked for me. Stayed until i fell asleep. Now i'm awake and wondering.... What do you guys think? What should i do? The only thing i know is that i never ever want to feel as bad as last month. And up until now I was doing pretty well....