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Trouble reconciling that humans can do this to other humans

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12 hours ago, catfeeder said:

Big 'x' back at you, my-lovely-Lolita, and thank you. I really appreciate that you would characterize yourself as normally pessimistic, and yet stretch yourself here for all of us to identify the most optimistic ideas you can share.

That means so much to me, as does your (and your husband's) personal perspective on using careful discretion about the therapeutic value of our discussions at this time.

I agree. I'm not interested in the small stuff of debates or positioning during such a monumental period of urgent need for unity and support and healing.

Thank you again, so much, Lo.

Morning Cat!


Absolutely no problem, no one has the answer do we, we are all just trying to do our best with what we got! 

A Plan B - yes! Probably always a sensible and great idea! We don’t have one unfortunately, it’s just not possible for us. Well, it is but, we’d have to weigh up what the likelihood is or something catastrophic and whether to drop everything, my husbands work and everything, and just change the course of our life completely and, I don’t feel that genuine in my concern.


I mean, like Seraphim, we know a family member who has a cottage and land in Northumberland that is eco self sufficient but the UK is so small, fleeing to the country in the event of… I’m not sure what we are even thinking here, but something bad? You are never more than an hour or two away from some kind of major town. I don’t know. 

When I say I was pessimistic, I really meant it. I was in full panic mode. I was watching my kids play feeling sick, just turning everything over in my mind. I was putting my baby to sleep with worry washing over me. I was looking up what improves your chances of surviving a nuclear war! I was having hard conversations with my husband. We just came to the conclusion that, what are you too do? Go build a bunker somewhere, fill it with filtration systems and canned food? Live life with that thought hanging over you? Or do you step back, get out of your own head that is spinning with all these bad thoughts and nothing good and decide that things might not be so awful - the media do have a sensationalised agenda. I am not downgrading what is going on, I am just saying, it is in the media’s interest to report the worst stuff and maybe make a little up along the way!


Just for an example, which made me feel better, and might do the same for yourself - the media put out a picture (I won’t go into details because there is no need for the gore). It claimed something. Turns out someone did some light investigation and it was a fake picture from a youtube profile that was put out 8 years ago and nothing to do with what is going on now. There is hope! The journalist involved never thought to check. 

I do believe, do what calms you, is sensible, makes you feel better. If that is having a plan B please, have a plan B. If that is choosing to look on the bright side, for every bad thought put two good ones there about the same thing, that can start to make you feel a situation isn’t so helpless.


I have decided in my own mind, whatever comes, when it hits me, I’ll do my best to handle it in my own way. Everyone thinks in a disaster they’re gonna be like Tom Cruise cool as a cucumber riding off on a motorcycle. We don’t know how we’d be in a crisis. Having self confidence that you can handle what is thrown at you with the tools you have, biggest one being your brain and your heart, that’s all we can do. And as others have said, help others out, and not loose our marbles on the process 🧘‍♀️ Easier said than done isn’t it Cat but I think we are all working on this in our own way ☺️

I think good will win out. I don’t think we are gonna have to be Tom Cruise (🥲) I think we can do this. I think China has looked at the response to Russia’s actions and might be thinking twice. Who knows. I just feel a lil’ old positive change in my gut here but, I have absolutely no basis for it! 

Y’know, humans, we can’t exist in fear, I think it drives us crazy. We need hope to go on and get through. Whatever gives you hope and happiness, keep on with it. I think everyone has said that in a different way. Better to be nonchalant, relaxed and overly confident in your ability to handle whatever might get thrown at Cha than to be worried, anxious, planning and fearful.


Maybe we British have a dry sense of humour over here, but I find myself cracking jokes and laughing about things. Levity is my way of not giving something power over me. That squinty eyed bear back ridin’ lunatic made the wrong call on that 1980s yuppie gold phone of his. I think he’ll be getting his comeuppance! And who knows, maybe not all sides are all innocent or all wrong. It’s a messy thing this isn’t it.


I speak to my Grandparents who lived through the last World War. My Grandma lived on a farm and two American pilots came down crash land in her field. They housed them up her and her sister, put dances on for them, inbetween fleeing to the cupboard under her stairs during bomb raids. They were starving a lot she said. They started growing vegetables in their garden. My Grandad was the same. Matter of factly he will repeat, nerve wrecking stories of tragedies happening in front of his eyes to women my age with babies just like me. Then he will crack a joke later and finish his cup of tea. I think that is how he didn’t end up rocking back and forth in a chair somewhere.


Did they run for the hills with their bug bags? Definitely not! They either went to fight or stayed home and held their ground. I do believe one man fighting to defend his home is more powerful than ten trained soldiers. 

What strikes me; and why they got through, as a nation, and individually, is they said stuff you Hitler, let’s have a cup of tea, kept their spirits up and pulled together. They would even laugh over the garden fence to each other. Bring their radios out, dance. They even found love through those crazy times. They were so optimistic that my Grandma even recalls having a great time during many moments of that scary war. They brushed themselves off in the biggest way imaginable. She created homemade lipstick, still did her hair, things like that. 


My Great Grandfather who died when he was 97 had been in both World Wars! The first, he lied about his age to sign up, he was technically too young. Second time round he was a sniper stationed in France. So many people died on that tour he ended up being almost last man standing with another 20 men, all now in his command just by fault because the generals and upper command kept dying! And he spent his time there writing a diary, all through knowing he could easily die the next day. The diary is beautifully written and incredibly optimistic. Three of his brothers were already gone. The strength and courage. He made it home and his diary now lives in a museum.


We can do this. We’re so much better than this. Humans are incredible, what we can get through. We can be horrendous and evil, but we can also be so strong, so honourable, so good - and so positive, even through the worst.


He never spoke about it ever again. He got on and lived his quiet life. 

We’re gonna win this thing! Humankind is too good.

You are stronger than you know.





Edited by mylolita
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Dear Catfeeder, So much good here in this community and you are a large part of it.  Our illustrious colleagues have pretty much said it all in the past 3 pages, and I have nothing more to offer other than to say, I'm standing in the bleachers cheering you on.  Thanks for sharing what makes your heart heavy, a burden shared is a burden halved...

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17 hours ago, spinstermanquee said:

Dear Catfeeder, So much good here in this community and you are a large part of it.  Our illustrious colleagues have pretty much said it all in the past 3 pages, and I have nothing more to offer other than to say, I'm standing in the bleachers cheering you on.  Thanks for sharing what makes your heart heavy, a burden shared is a burden halved...

What beautiful sentiments, and thank you, SM, for your kindness and support.

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17 hours ago, beatlesfan77 said:

You’re right Cat. It’s been very difficult to comprehend everything that’s been going on over there. I hope you’re continuing to feel better. 

I am continuing to feel much better and more like myself again, BF. Thank you so much for your support and kindness.

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I think even with this situation there’s still lots of goodness in people being so generous and caring. 

A friend of a friend was at the border recently and seen this family from Ukraine rolled down his window of his car and said - “here take my money I want to help.”

The person from Ukraine said thanks but he didn’t need the money, and the the guy trying to help kept saying “take it! Take it! take my money!” and seemed almost a bit offended 🙂

So that’s also a world we live in where people can be so generous and caring they get offended when strangers won’t take their money 🙂



Edited by mical
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  • 2 months later...

Humans have been committing atrocities against each other since time immemorial. There’s an ugly and brutal side to us that is a part of our species. It’s never going to disappear, at least not in our lifetimes. All you can do is count your blessings that you can recognize this ugliness for what it is and try your best to promote love, kindness, compassion and positivity whenever and wherever you can. And based on what I know about you from reading your posts, I would surmise that you’re the kind of person who does exactly that. 🙂 edit: I would also recommend turning off the news if that’s something you’re amenable to. I did it a couple of years ago and it was one of the best things I ever did for my mental health. I don’t miss it a bit and I’m glad that toxicity is gone from my life. 

Edited by jul-els
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Catfeeder, I can't fathom either. 

There are so many examples of pure evil in this world that at times, I've grown numb to it.  I feel sad.  However, I also feel grateful and count my blessings. 

There's always turmoil going on somewhere in this world.  If not war, there's other forms of misery right in your own backyard.  People harbor their own personal troubles of all sorts.  Granted, it's not war but they carry a lot of painful burdens in their own personal way.

I don't have to look far or overseas to see or know atrocities.  Some families and relationships are in t their own hopeless wars. 

There's plenty of pain in my own country, the USA and historically, too.  For example, slavery, racism in the Deep South, Jim Crow, racism throughout my country, historical racism in Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, everywhere.  Stories are beyond cruel, inhumane and endless.  

Veterans and millions of others suffer from PTSD.  Some are disfigured and maimed.  

This is how the world is and if any of us are left unscathed, safe, loved and cared for by family, have enough to eat and a roof over our heads, we're incredibly fortunate and lucky.

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