Cheating *Men's Input Plz*

[Drizown]

Ok, what I would like to know, is if you cheat once... are you going to cheat again? Guys have you been in a relationship where you cared about the person, but got drunk and cheated on them, and they stayed with you?

What I would like to know, is can you cheat on people you love, and not do it again? Or by cheating... is it because you dont REALLY love the person? and are most likely to do it again.

Stories and Input would be appreciated.

[lil kitty]

In my oppinion yes they would be more likely to cheat again b/c if they can't tell that they are cheatting on you when they are drunk then next time that he or she go drunk again will not know that he or she is cheating on you until they he or she got up n the morning and realize that he or she did it. but for some people they know that if hey gt drunk then they might be in trouble so they learn from that lesson and would not get drunk again.

[Drizown]

well, my bf tyler went to a party that i was supposed to go to but ended up going to another one instead. Now he's told me about this girl kaitlin before, and described her as "scum". But on the friday he ended up making out with her in a tent i was told there was a handjob involved too but discovered later it wasn't true. I found all this out from my 2 ex bfs (whom are still in love with me, which is why I can't trust what they say 100% because they cud just be trying to split us up) that go to her school (he goes to a different one from me and her). ne way, they called him and really gave him wat for. He said that he likes me so much and didnt wanna hurt me, and didnt have the balls to tell me what happened. he called me later and said that he doesnt want us to break up and sounded really sorry, and was like i never wanna party again. Well before deciding if things were worth working on, i slept on it. I even talked to kaitlin, her excuse was the same as tylers, they were drunk and didnt know what they were doing. She was seeing a guy jake at the time. The only difference is that she told him and he broke up with her. Well i decided to give tyler another chance, but now i have a trust issue with him. I keep hearing once a cheater always a cheater, and he'll just do it again. I really love him, and up until this event i thought it was mutual. but i unno i have these feelings now that i never know if wat hes saying is the truth. I know he isnt cheating on me ne more but i keep thinking... is he going to? and can he really love me if he was willing to cheat in the first place? I dont know what to do to over come these trust issues.

[lil kitty]

well let's see you can make him promise you that he cannot go to a party and get drunk unless you are there with him and if you are not there then he cannot go and get drunk. the way that you are telling me how he sound sorry well yeah maybe he is s why not give him a chance and tell him that he have to promise you that and if he promise you and if you caught him getting drunk without you then you will break up with him. remember to make it clear.

[lifeiscash]

Well the reason some people cheat is because they DO love the person but all there demands and needs are not met by there girlfriend, and no it doesnt have to be sex, it can be any circumstances. So even though they are unhappy with thier current relationship they go to other measures to get the demand or need met (women and men).

Other times they just flat out don't appreciate and respect the person enough. I have never cheated on a girlfriend but I also don't start a relationship unless she really means something to me. Most people are in relationships because they are afraid of being alone, need of acceptance, or just plain bored. There are many reasons and majority of the time (look at the divorce rates, etc. ) we tend to not want to realize that our partners aren't really good for us but we keep them there anyway for security. In other words its just a lack of appreciation because no matter how drunk or how high they are at the moment, love is love, and love is respectful and is worthwhile.

[kskm]

I know that you were looking for guys input but I've been in a similar situation with my ex.

 

 

He cheated on me with a "friend" (A girl that BTW was trying so hard to be my friend, and I couldn't figure out why she was up my butt). I walked in on them on the floor naked. He was drunk and she was slammed also, but there were drugs involved also I later found out. (Not cool- I am not into that at all)

 

He was trying to get back with me saying that it was because he was drunk, but you know what? If you really love the person then you don't want to hook up with anyone else- drunk or not.

 

Time to move on. I believe that once he cheats on you and you let it slide that he will do it again because he thinks it's ok.

[imagi]

I really hate the drunk excuse. Even in less extreme measures.. a lot of the time when you even say something that you regret while you're drunk.. the feelings or whatever are underlying in your sober state. Fooling around while drunk.. gah. I dunno it irks me quite a bit. I agree with the people above, but sometimes its hard to move on regardless of whether or not you really care about the person.

[melrich]

It doesn't matter what sort of human behaviour you are looking at... laziness, addiction, conscientiousness, hard work, lying, cheating...the best predictor of how a person will behave person is what they have done in the past.

[RandomAdvisor]

If he had told you on his own, I would consider keeping him. But he didn't. You had to find out elsewhere. If he was really sorry he would have told you himself. Guts doesn't have as much to do with telling you as guilt does.

 

Plus, you're only 17. I'm assuming your BF isn't over 21. What the hell was he doing drinking? Sounds very irresponsible to me.

 

Dump him.

[Day_Walker]

Both are situations are possible, he could cheat or he could not cheat. That part of it is for you to decide. You are the person that has to live with the consequences of your decision, I find it amazing that you choose to deal with such drama when you are 17. Its not exactly the path that you want to get down at a young age.

[Drizown]

yah i didnt really choose to get in this drama, and it surprised the hell out of me because we both HATE cheating, both our parents split for that reason, so I didn't expect this of him. As for... what are we doing drinking at 17? all it means to be 19 is ur legally able to do everything uve been doing since u were 14 or younger in some cases.

[RandomAdvisor]

As for... what are we doing drinking at 17? all it means to be 19 is ur legally able to do everything uve been doing since u were 14 or younger in some cases.

 

The legal age to drink here in the states is 21. I didn't use my 21st birthday as an excuse to drink. I didn't have any alcohol that day. To this day I only drink occasionaly, and even then I never get so drunk that I don't know what I'm doing.

 

I didn't drink when I was 14. I didn't drink when I was 19. You know what else I've never done?

 

Cheat on any of my girlfriends.

[Drizown]

that's nice for you. i dont drink to the point of getting drunk either. but i do drink socially at parties, im just saying lecturing me on drinking underage (by 2 yrs here) is not he point of this forum. your criticism was in no way constructive so for future reference keep it to yourself. As for you not cheating that's good on your part I commend you.

 

To everyone that posted thank you. I decided to break things off with him and keep him as a friend. If i can't trust him then there's really nothing holding us together.

 

Thank you

[RandomAdvisor]

your criticism was in no way constructive so for future reference keep it to yourself.

 

In no way constructive? For the record, lets take a look at my original reference to alcohol.

 

Plus, you're only 17. I'm assuming your BF isn't over 21. What the hell was he doing drinking? Sounds very irresponsible to me.

 

I never criticized you for drinking or even accused you of drinking. You never said you did in your post. Do I detect some self consciousness and guilt on your part?

 

I was using your age as a point of reference and assuming your ex BF's age was the same, or not much older. Logically I assumed he was not at the legal age of consent to consume alcohol. Consuming alcohol and getting drunk when you're not even the legal drinking age is very irresponsible as I pointed out, and something to consider when deciding whether or not you should stay with him. I think it was a totally relevent and constructive point to make.

[godschld7777]

I am a woman with a husband that cheated on me for three years of our relationship. Our relationship began with him cheating on his previous wife and me on my previous husband. He pursued me and I gave in.

 

We dated for a year and a half before we married. About four months later I found pictures and porn on his computer. He said that he liked looking at women and would fixate on them.

 

He agreed to at that point to change and we began therapy. We were in therapy for an additional year and a half and things were getting worse. During that period I kept feeling that he was still looking, but of course he would lie about it. Finally after a year and half of additional lies he finally confessed that he had cheated on me after we started in therapy. I discovered two weeks later that he had been chatting with women and talking about meeting up with them to cheat with other women.

 

After he confessed we realized the full problem. Due to his previous marriage he had developed a Sexual Addiction. With a Sexual Addiction a person with go to any extent to continue cheating unless that admit their problem and get help. My husband is not in a support group for Sexual Addiction and we found a much better therapist.

 

If you are asking about a man that you are dating or married to I suggest that you watch him closely when you are out. If you see him looking at others then you are still at risk. He has to learn to only look at you, cause if he lusts over another woman he has already cheated on you in his heart and will do so again physically if he gets the chance.

 

If you wish to contact me I would be happy to talk with you more about addictions.

[Drizown]

I'm sorry but it sounded like nagging which as you can immagine was the last thing that i needed. I've been tightly wound and didn't mean to take it out on you. Drinking at parties even underage is wat we do, but he took it to the level at which he became irresponsible with his actions.

 

godschld, i ended up breaking up with him because he decided he wasn't ready for a relationship and wasn't ready to be caged in. I realized that I can no longer trust him, and that's hard to recover from. It got to the point where I didn't believe a word he said. But I would like to here more about the addiction. It sounds very interesting. Plus I'm currently reading "he's just not that into you". It's so funny and brutally honest. I recommend it to anyone. It's from Sex and The City. Just thought I'd throw that in there because it's such an amazing joke. Again thanks to everyone that posted.

[mjayne]

There was someone that said look to his poast to know ho he'll treat you. Will I did that with my ex and thats why I thought he'd never cheat on me. In fact one of his previous girlfriends slept with his best friend while he was with his dying father. Her excuse was that he was there for her. He almost killed himself because of her betrayel. So I trusted my ex. But I was wrong to do so because He did cheat on me. And although we've spoken since then he has never apologised. I've left him, but I thought after a year and a half of listening to how much he loves me, I would have at least been worth an apology. It upsets me that he did because he knew how it feels. I now feel like I was/am in love with a stranger because he has shattered everything I ever believed.

[godschld7777]

Drzown: I am glad that you did what you felt was right for you. I will be happy to talk to you more about the addiction especially since you still have him as a friend. You can email me at email removed

 

 

Mjayne: I have learned by my experience with my current husband that you do not know who someone is. When we got together I told myself that I was going to trust this guy until proven otherwise. I did and was. He seemed very responsible but still fun to be around. He was I thought a great dad, employee, son, person, etc. Needless did I know that he had even convinced himself that he was a great person. Denial can do alot of things to a person. It turned out that he had been cheating on me during the first three years of our relationship as well as for years on his ex-wife. He was chatting with women that he would find online. He cheated on me physically one time but cheated mulitple times daily mentally. He would fixate and fantisize about other women when he was out even when he was with me and I didn't even know. He would meet me for lunch everyday after talking sex with a stranger online at work and go back to work and do it again. He would come home and be loving wanting to hold my hand and snuggle. I can look back now and see some signs but he was a GOOD actor. I have learned that I shouldn't ever close my eyes and put that much trust in anyone except Jesus.