Family and Life Updates

[boltnrun]

My manager is allowing me to sign on after lunchtime. So why am I posting? Because of course I still can't sleep.

[reinventmyself]

5 hours ago, boltnrun said:

My manager is allowing me to sign on after lunchtime. So why am I posting? Because of course I still can't sleep.

For me, it's the anxiety.   I often can't get off the hamster wheel of overthinking.  I'm lucky if I can fall asleep for maybe 90 minutes before I'm wide awake again.

I've been taking Xanax for sleep for years.  I swore when I quit my job and stopped commuting I'd gladly give up Xanax.  It appears my little brain had other plans for me.

Sorry about the insomnia.  Don't hesitate to ask for help.  I personally feel physically ill when I'm tired.  Miserable.

[boltnrun]

Thanks. I appreciate it!

I have some Ativan but I try not to take it as I worry about becoming dependent. 

I think I know why I couldn't sleep. I've been having the runs literally all day. Like four times. I usually can't sleep if there's something making me unwell. And my stomach feels icky.

I can sign out of work in less than 15 minutes. I plan to do some easy cooking, then I'm taking an Ativan. I have to sleep tonight.

[Seraphim]

You will get dependent after more than 14 days of continuous use. Occasionally won’t do that. 
 

I have been taking clonazepam ( Klonopin ) daily for 10 years. It is the most highly addictive benzo. There have been times I have come off it successfully. Unfortunately, sometimes though life becomes a crap show and then I need to return to it. I am on the smallest dose .25mg. 

[boltnrun]

I've been having insomnia regularly for well over two years. It's usually 4-5 nights a week. I try not to take anything but at some point I just can't function. Of course today was exceptionally busy at work. So I had to get sharp because I cannot make mistakes.

And today on top of zero sleep I've been in the bathroom many times. I ate an orange yesterday and apparently my stomach really didn't like it. Lesson learned.

[Seraphim]

39 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I've been having insomnia regularly for well over two years. It's usually 4-5 nights a week. I try not to take anything but at some point I just can't function. Of course today was exceptionally busy at work. So I had to get sharp because I cannot make mistakes.

And today on top of zero sleep I've been in the bathroom many times. I ate an orange yesterday and apparently my stomach really didn't like it. Lesson learned.

It could be anxiety related. Did you sleep better on medication? 
 

I have had insomnia for 43 years. It is soul wrecking for sure . 

[boltnrun]

1 minute ago, Seraphim said:

It could be anxiety related. Did you sleep better on medication? 
 

I have had insomnia for 43 years. It is soul wrecking for sure . 

I don't feel it's related to anxiety. My anxiety is so much more manageable than it used to be. Of course sometimes it is due to anxiety. Other times it's because I feel unwell and other times it's a complete mystery.

I don't feel like I need or want to take daily medication for depression anymore. I'm really much better than I was before. But something has to give with this insomnia because I can't function like this.

[Seraphim]

I would talk to someone about it because it is impeding functioning. 

[boltnrun]

24 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I would talk to someone about it because it is impeding functioning. 

I saw my doctor (well, his nurse practitioner) a couple of weeks ago and I mentioned it. So I know if I call them they'll order a prescription for me.

[boltnrun]

I took an Ativan at 8:30 last night. Fell asleep around 11 pm. Woke up once around 4 am but thankfully fell back asleep. I had set my alarm for 5:30 planning to go for a walk but I was still groggy from the Ativan so I reset it for 6:15. Got up for work fine. Still a bit groggy but I'll take that over total exhaustion.

I don't want to rely on Ativan to sleep as that's not what it's intended for, so next week I'll talk to my doctor about a mild sleep aid. Melatonin agitates me and chamomile is great but it's too hot to drink tea before bed, plus it doesn't work all that well for me. So I may need medication for sleep.

[Seraphim]

46 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I took an Ativan at 8:30 last night. Fell asleep around 11 pm. Woke up once around 4 am but thankfully fell back asleep. I had set my alarm for 5:30 planning to go for a walk but I was still groggy from the Ativan so I reset it for 6:15. Got up for work fine. Still a bit groggy but I'll take that over total exhaustion.

I don't want to rely on Ativan to sleep as that's not what it's intended for, so next week I'll talk to my doctor about a mild sleep aid. Melatonin agitates me and chamomile is great but it's too hot to drink tea before bed, plus it doesn't work all that well for me. So I may need medication for sleep.

And you know what , that is ok. We have to do what we need to function. Whatever aids to need to function it is ok. Sleep deprivation does horrible things to the mind and body. 

[boltnrun]

7 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

And you know what , that is ok. We have to do what we need to function. Whatever aids to need to function it is ok. Sleep deprivation does horrible things to the mind and body. 

I agree. I just wish I knew why I can't sleep so I can fix it. But bottom line, I can't do my job if I can't sleep so therefore I need something to help me sleep.

After today I have a four day weekend. Unfortunately it's going to be exceedingly hot so some of the things I had planned can't happen or I'll die of heat exhaustion. A museum or library sounds amazing as they would have AC. But everyone and their dog will be there so that's out. I thought about going to the university in the big city to view the sculptures but that's outdoors. If I can muster up the motivation to be up at 6 am tomorrow I can go before it's 10,000 degrees outside.

An ocean swim also sounds wonderful but with this heat everyone will be flocking to the beach. I'm super grateful to finally have an assigned parking space or I'd be screwed with the tourists taking up all the street parking.

[Seraphim]

Ugh god , I could never live there. Too hot . Holiday weekend for us too. Labour Day. We are starting to cool now. About 22C . We will still have some really hot days but we are on a cooling trend. 

[boltnrun]

2 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Ugh god , I could never live there. Too hot . Holiday weekend for us too. Labour Day. We are starting to cool now. About 22C . We will still have some really hot days but we are on a cooling trend. 

This is unusual heat due to climate change. We don't normally get this hot. Fortunately it isn't going to last more than a week or so.

[Seraphim]

Well, it was 22C earlier but now it is 32C and supposed to be 36C tomorrow. We can still get a few hot days into Oct , early part but then we are done and it usually starts the first flurries first few weeks of Nov . 

[boltnrun]

I would welcome a nice driving rainstorm. But that's not going to happen.

[reinventmyself]

On 9/1/2022 at 3:57 PM, Seraphim said:

You will get dependent after more than 14 days of continuous use. Occasionally won’t do that. 
 

I have been taking clonazepam ( Klonopin ) daily for 10 years. It is the most highly addictive benzo. There have been times I have come off it successfully. Unfortunately, sometimes though life becomes a crap show and then I need to return to it. I am on the smallest dose .25mg. 

I am not dependent on mine in the way one might think with withdrawals etc like you describe.  I have no side effects.  I just take it at night.   I will add there are times when I am extremely tired, I can sleep without it.  

Everyone is different.

[Seraphim]

1 hour ago, reinventmyself said:

I am not dependent on mine in the way one might think with withdrawals etc like you describe.  I have no side effects.  I just take it at night.   I will add there are times when I am extremely tired, I can sleep without it.  

Everyone is different.

Most people will become dependent on clonazepam though as it is highly addictive. I do have an addictive personality as well. My grandfather was an alcoholic and some of his brother and so was my uncle. So we do have addicts in the family. I was addicted to opiates at one time as well. 

[boltnrun]

I went to sleep around 12:30 am and woke up once at about 6-ish?  Then went back to sleep and woke up at 8:00 am by the trash truck.  I always run to close my windows when the trash is being picked up because I can't stand the smell and dust from the pickup getting into my apartment.  Funny how the sound woke me from a dead sleep in the middle of a dream.  I even remember what I was dreaming about lol.

I have to decide if I'll even try to venture out today and tomorrow.  Mid 90s both days, so is it worth trying to go out in this heat?  I did a 2.6 mile walk yesterday evening so at least I don't feel as bad about skipping my walks.  It won't cool down until after dark and it's already up to 80 degrees at 8:00 am.

One thing that's been upsetting me greatly is how dirty my floors are!  Keeping the windows open means dust and dirt fly in constantly.  I Swiffer my floors every other day and the dust cloths are coming up almost completely black.  I HATE dirt so this is extremely upsetting.

[boltnrun]

Saturday heat was nightmarish.  Sunday we had a miracle, the temp went from 100 degrees down to 85 in two hours and went down from there.  Yesterday was hot, hot, hot, but not as hot as Saturday.  The rest of this week is going to be hot.

I hate missing my walks but it's also not smart to put myself at risk for heat stroke or heat exhaustion.  I've had heat exhaustion before and it was really bad.

I took today off as a floating holiday.  It's wonderfully quiet now that all the tourists have gone home.

[boltnrun]

I'm truly starting to worry about my brother.  He's forgetting things we literally discussed only a day or so prior.  He even completely forgot a long text discussion we had that spanned two days and multiple texts back and forth.  He's asking me the same questions he's already asked and that I answered.

He realizes he's forgetting things.  I don't know if I should (kindly and lovingly) suggest he get a checkup from his doctor.  He HATES going to the doctor and will put it off even when he's so sick he can hardly function.  So that's not likely to go over well.  Another option is to talk to his adult children and see if they can convince him.  But that might make him angry.

There's no history of dementia in our family, but there could be other issues.  

[boltnrun]

Friday it's supposed to be 96 F (35.55 C).

I am going to absolutely die in that heat.  

[boltnrun]

90 degrees today.

I'm having some trouble focusing because it's so hot in my apartment. I ordered (and already received) an additional personal air cooler so I will have two of those plus a ceiling fan and a large floor fan. If all this is still ineffective I will go into the office to work, where it's always negative three hundred degrees. I can't sleep there but I don't have to sweat half to death while working.

Knocked myself out with a glass of champagne and an antihistamine pill last night. I'll do the same tonight, just so I can sleep. Gotta sleep.

[boltnrun]

97 degrees today.

Also, terrible wildfires. So if I open my windows to try to cool down my apartment I get ash coming in and getting all over my apartment. So I will be doing a lot of cleaning.

I did laundry early because the laundry room is on the roof and it's sweltering in there. I made the mistake of doing a load last Saturday night and holy cow was it miserable in there!

Supposed to cool down and POSSIBLY rain tonight and tomorrow. I'm skeptical because the weather forecasters are wrong at least 50% of the time. But some rain would be nice.

[boltnrun]

It went down to the upper 60s overnight. It's so cool that I turned off my ceiling and floor fans and have my windows open only a couple of inches. I'm actually a bit cold. It feels amazing. 

And I'm going to enjoy it because next week another hellish heat wave is coming that will last over a week. Ugh.