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boltnrun
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1 hour ago, Seraphim said:

I am so upset for you that your doctor won’t do anything. Can you get a different doctor?

I could but that would still mean having to make an appointment and then having another physical. I will look for a new doctor but in the meantime I'll have to keep attempting to self medicate.

I hadn't been using melatonin because it always agitated me. But I thought I'd try it again. BIG mistake. I was extremely agitated all night. 

Finally fell asleep at 5 am but had to get up at six. 

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I have huge dark circles under my eyes and my nose is running. Face all puffy.

I did get good news yesterday. I was approved for the apartment I wanted. I have to go today to pay the deposit. Wish me luck driving when I can hardly focus.

Yes, I am feeling sorry for myself. Four straight months of insomnia will do that.

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11 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I could but that would still mean having to make an appointment and then having another physical. I will look for a new doctor but in the meantime I'll have to keep attempting to self medicate.

I hadn't been using melatonin because it always agitated me. But I thought I'd try it again. BIG mistake. I was extremely agitated all night. 

Finally fell asleep at 5 am but had to get up at six. 

I would use the Ativan you have . 

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34 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I would use the Ativan you have . 

I'm going to have to. Although that usually only gets me about 4 hours of sleep. But it's better than nothing. I think I have 8 pills left so I just won't use them on the weekend.

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12 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I'm going to have to. Although that usually only gets me about 4 hours of sleep. But it's better than nothing. I think I have 8 pills left so I just won't use them on the weekend.

I am so sorry.  Catching up on the past several days for you.  I personally feel physically ill without sleep.  I don't know how you are doing it.  

I know I've said it million times.  But I use Xanax and it too only lasts about 4 hours.  I break it in half.  Seeing I typically get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, I take the other half then and it gets me through the night.  Hope this helps.  Hope you get some relief soon!

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The Ativan pills are tiny, I don't know if I'd be able to break them. I'm at the point where I'll just take a double dose if I still can't sleep. 

I am so exhausted. How can I be so tired and yet be completely unable to sleep? There has to be some physical cause but my doctor found nothing unusual in my blood work and my EKG was good. I'm going into a depression because I just can't function.

Sorry for the whining, but I'm right at the edge of holding on.

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6 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

You need to talk to the psychiatrist they can also prescribe. It is not always a physical cause. Please get in touch with them. I know my insomnia doesn’t have a physical cause. It is completely psychological.  

I stopped seeing the psychiatrist a year and a half ago. My anxiety is so much better that I got off the meds and we determined I would continue with the psychologist but that I would no longer need to see him.

I was sleeping fine mostly until summertime when it got hot. It's not hot now but I still can't sleep.

My psychologist can't prescribe but she recommended I get back on the Trazodone, which I agree with. But my regular doctor thinks I just want to get high. So I guess I'll have to go back AGAIN so she can interrogate me to decide if I'm a druggie looking for a fix. 

To top things off the hot water in my apartment building is off again (fifth or sixth time in the past month) and I'm sneezing non stop because apparently I reacted to the melatonin. Life is awesome.

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I think your brain is caught in a cycle mine will do this . It also happens with kids when parents want to end their naps prematurely. They think the less sleep they get in the day they more they will sleep at night but it isn’t true. The more sleep deprived the brain is the less it sleeps until it has a breakdown of sorts and you sleep for like 24 hours to reset. 

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4 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I think your brain is caught in a cycle mine will do this . It also happens with kids when parents want to end their naps prematurely. They think the less sleep they get in the day they more they will sleep at night but it isn’t true. The more sleep deprived the brain is the less it sleeps until it has a breakdown of sorts and you sleep for like 24 hours to reset. 

Sleeping for 24 hours to reset sounds like heaven. Unfortunately so far I haven't been able to sleep at all no matter what day it is or what time of day it is. I used to be able to nap after work but now I can't. I'm barely eating and I haven't cleaned my apartment in over a week because I'm just too tired. Can't go on walks either. Last time I tried I got confused and almost walked into traffic. I have to drive this morning and I'm frankly terrified.

This is just miserable.

Please somehow, someway, I need to sleep.

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2 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Sleeping for 24 hours to reset sounds like heaven. Unfortunately so far I haven't been able to sleep at all no matter what day it is or what time of day it is. I used to be able to nap after work but now I can't. I'm barely eating and I haven't cleaned my apartment in over a week because I'm just too tired. Can't go on walks either. Last time I tried I got confused and almost walked into traffic. I have to drive this morning and I'm frankly terrified.

This is just miserable.

Please somehow, someway, I need to sleep.

You NEED to take the Ativan tonight and for several nights in a row to reset your brain. Seriously . What mg are they?

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1 minute ago, Seraphim said:

You NEED to take the Ativan tonight and for several nights in a row to reset your brain. Seriously . What mg are they?

They're 0.5 mg. And my doctor won't renew the script because she doesn't want me to abuse them. She told me not to take them daily but on an as needed basis only if my anxiety is out of control.

 If I take them every day I'll be out by next Wednesday.

I'll have to call back today and get an m-f-ing appointment. Maybe when she sees the huge dark circles under my eyes and how much weight I've lost she'll give in and write me a script.

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1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

They're 0.5 mg. And my doctor won't renew the script because she doesn't want me to abuse them. She told me not to take them daily but on an as needed basis only if my anxiety is out of control.

 If I take them every day I'll be out by next Wednesday.

I'll have to call back today and get an m-f-ing appointment. Maybe when she sees the huge dark circles under my eyes and how much weight I've lost she'll give in and write me a script.

Make an appointment ASAP. 

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3 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Make an appointment ASAP. 

I did. Next Wednesday is the soonest they had so I'm going first thing in the morning.

I won't use the Ativan on Friday or Saturday night because I won't have to work so I could just lie around all day. And I grocery shopped yesterday so I'm good until next week.

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I truly believe my insomnia is temperature related. The ONLY difference between last night and all of the previous days was the temperature. It had been 80 degrees in my apartment and I had to keep the windows open. Last night it was 72 degrees and I had the windows almost all the way closed. So not only cooler but quieter. I was almost cold all through the night. 

I took a Benadryl at 6:45 pm, figuring when I inevitably woke up in the middle of the night I would take another one. I woke up at 1:45 and thought, well, here it goes! Time to take my second dose. At that point I had slept for about 3 1/2 hours which was more than the previous night all put together. But I fell back asleep about 45 minutes later without taking another pill and didn't wake up again until about 5:30.  I got over six hours total, which is what I need to feel rested and well.

I'm not going to cancel my appointment. I still want the meds in case this happens again. But I feel so much better today!

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22 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

You would love it here then was 0C last night. Taking the kids to the school bus kids here are in coats and toques already. Next appartement totally worth getting AC. It isn’t worth it not to sleep . 

Zero is a bit too cold. I'm fine with low to mid 70s. Anything between 40s and 70s fahrenheit is totally tolerable.

Apartments here don't have AC. I can buy a portable unit, which is what I'm going to do next spring in advance of hot weather. 

I am moving in three weeks to a quiet neighborhood. I can't wait.

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15 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Zero is a bit too cold. I'm fine with low to mid 70s. Anything between 40s and 70s fahrenheit is totally tolerable.

Apartments here don't have AC. I can buy a portable unit, which is what I'm going to do next spring in advance of hot weather. 

I am moving in three weeks to a quiet neighborhood. I can't wait.

It is not cold really. I have my AC off and no heat on and it is 20C in the house 0C is like maybe 32? Not cold to us anyway. Here many many many places have AC. Canadians don’t like hot… lol. I would invest in AC for sure . 

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2 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

It is not cold really. I have my AC off and no heat on and it is 20C in the house 0C is like maybe 32? Not cold to us anyway. Here many many many places have AC. Canadians don’t like hot… lol. I would invest in AC for sure . 

I can't install an actual AC unit but I can purchase a portable unit. Those cost around $600 so I will save up for it.

I am a spoiled Westerner for sure. 32F is freezing temp and that is COLD to me. We don't get that cold here. Maybe 40s at lowest.

I am really enjoying this cooler weather. I can start back with my walks too. I haven't been able to go since last Saturday.

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I slept well again last night without taking anything.  I got between 5 1/2 and 6 hours of sleep.

And that's why I assert my insomnia is temperature related.  The ONLY difference is the temp went down by ten degrees.  Nothing else changed.  I'm not stressed, my life is actually going very well.  Family is healthy and happy, job is excellent, finances are good and I am moving into a new apartment that is terrific and in a wonderful, quiet neighborhood.  It's definitely not stress related.

I am probably going to still keep my appointment just because if there's another heat wave (please don't...) I'll have meds to knock me out.

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I got my third Covid booster shot yesterday.  Other than a sore arm and a bit of fatigue and some lightheadedness I feel OK.  My other arm is more sore though and I couldn't figure out why, but then I remembered I washed my car yesterday.  LOL

Slept pretty well last night.  Fell asleep around 11:15 pm, woke up at about 5:00.  I dozed in bed for over two hours because it was so warm and cozy.  That's what's nice about the weekend, being able to laze around.  

I'll clean my apartment today.  Also got a low tire pressure warning yesterday so I'll have to take my car to the tire dealer to get the tires filled up.  Probably need two new tires.  The tread is in good shape but I think the right front tire has a slow leak.

Lots to do over the next three weeks with moving.

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