Support Group

[Seraphim]

This coming Monday is a year ago that my father passed away. I have a chance to join a grieving peer support group for military families who have lost loved ones . The group would be through Zoom. 
 

Typically I have found support groups very very uncomfortable. I don’t think I am stuck in any progress of grief right now. I have a lot to process that is complicated and I think too complicated for group work. Maybe I could learn some things from the topics being covered. 
 

Worth it to maybe learn something? 

[Fudgie]

Group therapy is not really conducive to helping you work through a complicated grief process, as I'm sure you know. Do you see an individual therapist? That's the best place to unpack.

I think it's worth a shot if you feel some benefit to commiserating with people in similar situations. If it makes you feel worse or you don't get anything out of it, than nah. 

[Seraphim]

12 minutes ago, Fudgie said:

Group therapy is not really conducive to helping you work through a complicated grief process, as I'm sure you know. Do you see an individual therapist? That's the best place to unpack.

I think it's worth a shot if you feel some benefit to commiserating with people in similar situations. If it makes you feel worse or you don't get anything out of it, than nah. 

I don’t see anyone individually and what is offered to military spouses has been whittled down to 8 sessions. I couldn’t even begin to cover my issues around my dad in 8 sessions. At this rate I might have to wait for retirement. 
 

But you are right, I don’t want to sit and commiserate. They do have topics listed . Maybe they will have a strong lead person . 

[Cherylyn]

Are you faith based?  For many people, they find solace at church.  With this pandemic, people wear masks, social distance and have their work around for spaced group settings.  Some prayer gatherings are in people's homes with protocols in place.

[Seraphim]

14 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

Are you faith based?  For many people, they find solace at church.  With this pandemic, people wear masks, social distance and have their work around for spaced group settings.  Some prayer gatherings are in people's homes with protocols in place.

I am yes, but I am moving in a week and need to find a new church .

[lostandhurt]

It couldn't hurt to try could it?

  I have found helping others or listening to others and thinking what I would do in their shoes actually helps me in my life.  There is something about that disconnect that clears my vision.

  You may have a kindred spirit in the group too. 

Sometimes it is nice to talk to people that really get what you are feeling...

  Lost

[catfeeder]

What's to lose? The idea of a support group, to me, is that it helps me to know that I might help the next person. There's something in that for me beyond my own preconceived notions of what I want to accomplish.

I have a friend who always talks herself out of everything. She starts with a great idea, and then she decides she already knows everything--including the limits of everyone else--and she nixes herself right out of doing anything with her ideas.

She's one person who has taught me that I don't want to be like that. Especially as I age--I want to become more open-minded rather than closed, and I want to allow people to SHOW me what they might offer, but even moreso, what I can offer to them.

Big (((HUG)) to you, and I remain so sorry about your Dad. 

With you in spirit,
Cat

[melancholy123]

If you think you could learn something and are willing to go, then go.  It cant hurt to go once and see how you feel afterwards.

I was given the option to join a grief group for mothers of stillborn babies but I didnt want to do that.  I had to work thru it. myself in my own way in my own time so I didnt go.  I don't regret not going.

[Kwothe28]

I had a client who organized grief support groups. They would usually go somewhere over the weekend but due to Covid they organized over Zoom also. All kinds of people, young and old people who lost spouses, people who lost parents or even kids. They were also faith based but I think they charged for those grief resorts they organized. There were lot of testaments of people who they did help. So, it doesnt hurt to try. Sometimes even listening might help you get some things into perspective and go through grief process better. 

[Seraphim]

12 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

It couldn't hurt to try could it?

  I have found helping others or listening to others and thinking what I would do in their shoes actually helps me in my life.  There is something about that disconnect that clears my vision.

  You may have a kindred spirit in the group too. 

Sometimes it is nice to talk to people that really get what you are feeling...

  Lost

I would be willing to try it. I never know what will happen or who will cross my path for sure. 

[Seraphim]

11 hours ago, catfeeder said:

What's to lose? The idea of a support group, to me, is that it helps me to know that I might help the next person. There's something in that for me beyond my own preconceived notions of what I want to accomplish.

I have a friend who always talks herself out of everything. She starts with a great idea, and then she decides she already knows everything--including the limits of everyone else--and she nixes herself right out of doing anything with her ideas.

She's one person who has taught me that I don't want to be like that. Especially as I age--I want to become more open-minded rather than closed, and I want to allow people to SHOW me what they might offer, but even moreso, what I can offer to them.

Big (((HUG)) to you, and I remain so sorry about your Dad. 

With you in spirit,
Cat

I think I find it very uncomfortable because it leaves me very vulnerable to people I don’t know from Adam but who know my name , you know? I really don’t like that feeling. I have deep deep trust issues. I wish I didn’t but it is reality. Maybe pushing my boundaries will help. 
 

Even having grief for my dad which was so profound last year one of my friends told me I taught her something very valuable . The children of terrible people still love that parent , very deeply , and it taught her to have more compassion for her own children who love their dad. She hates her ex-husband with a passion but I made her realize that her children love their father and therefore she has to give them more compassion and not talk about him in an evil  way. She said you made me realize so many things about a complicated relationship with one’s parent  and  with an ex spouse that you really can’t stand. She said my parents were always loving people to each other and to us. So I don’t have your experience or the experience of my children. So thanks for making me understand. 

I will give it a shot but nothing says I have to stay if I really don’t enjoy it. 

[Seraphim]

2 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

I had a client who organized grief support groups. They would usually go somewhere over the weekend but due to Covid they organized over Zoom also. All kinds of people, young and old people who lost spouses, people who lost parents or even kids. They were also faith based but I think they charged for those grief resorts they organized. There were lot of testaments of people who they did help. So, it doesnt hurt to try. Sometimes even listening might help you get some things into perspective and go through grief process better. 

I think I might listen more than anything. I don’t think I would go to a retreat without my husband. I have gone to religious conventions and it is always a mental horror show for me at night time because I’m terrified to have people I don’t know very well sleep in the same room, or even be alone in a hotel room. I disassociate too much . So I’m glad it’s over zoom and I can leave if I want. 

[Cherylyn]

18 hours ago, Seraphim said:

I am yes, but I am moving in a week and need to find a new church .

For the faith based, I found a tremendous amount of support at church which breaks up into smaller groups whether in church rooms or in a brethren home in a group setting.  I was blessed with many friends who actually walked the talk and talked the talk.  There's tons of moral support, sincere, genuine compassion, prayers and solace.  It's amazing. 

[Seraphim]

1 hour ago, Cherylyn said:

For the faith based, I found a tremendous amount of support at church which breaks up into smaller groups whether in church rooms or in a brethren home in a group setting.  I was blessed with many friends who actually walked the talk and talked the talk.  There's tons of moral support, sincere, genuine compassion, prayers and solace.  It's amazing. 

I would have to wait for that no churches here are doing any of that due to Covid . 

[Cherylyn]

5 hours ago, Seraphim said:

I would have to wait for that no churches here are doing any of that due to Covid . 

I agree or there are Zoom group settings during Covid.