Why Do Cheaters Act Like They Want You After You Dump Them?

[RitaTrue]

I was with my now-ex for about a year.  This month, I found out he cheated and got the third-party pregnant. He denies everything and plays victim. I dumped him ~2.5 weeks ago. Been No Contact since. After that, he's tried to reach me ~40 times. I block each attempt. With calls, he'll try again from a different number and sometimes from a different email. I'll be changing my number soon.  He hasn't done anything physically; he's just an annoyance. This afternoon, I received an anonymous package of chocolate, which I threw away.  I spoke with some friends, and some say this sounds like "hoovering" but I'm not sure.

I dont understand how someone can be okay lying to you like that, but then act like they want the relationship back.  For what--so they can lie again?!  Please make it make sense.

 

[Wiseman2]

This represents stalking and harassment. Send one final definitive message to cease and desist with contact, gifts etc. If it persists after that, bring evidence to the police.

[tattoobunnie]

Some people thrive on the thrill of getting caught.  His ego is trying to win you over, so he can abuse you again...it's a power trip thing.

[RitaTrue]

19 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

This represents stalking and harassment. Send one final definitive message to cease and desist with contact, gifts etc. If it persists after that, bring evidence to the police.

Thanks.  I'm going to document his attempts at contact.  I hope I won't need to involve the police, but this will help just in case.  

[RitaTrue]

20 minutes ago, tattoobunnie said:

Some people thrive on the thrill of getting caught.  His ego is trying to win you over, so he can abuse you again...it's a power trip thing.

I fear you're right.  This has nothing to do with love.  

[DancingFool]

Because cheating is only fun when he has someone to cheat on, which is you.

Also, he duped you once, so he thinks you are an easy target to dupe some more. Much harder to go out into the wild and find a new victim to dupe and abuse. You are a proven bet in his mind. Not flattering to you and nothing to do with love or caring. He actually thinks that little of you, that's why he is doing what he is doing. 

Besides, if after everything he's done he can fool you again into buying his bs, that's quite an ego trip for him. He is the grand master liar and you are a puppet he controls and manipulates - that's a bigger high than any drug could produce for him.

Definitely watch your back because that stuff can escalate quite a bit. Be super careful and please never confuse this with love.

People who genuinely love you don't cheat on you.

[SooSad33]

Wow, he's not right in the head 😕 .

To cheat on your gf - with some proof now, get dumped then to go begging her back?  Seriously?

I agree with one last warning & if he doesn't stop, you WILL act on it. - See if he backs off.

Looks good on him, if he got someone prego, as now he has to step up & deal with that deep subject. WTG man.

Hope it was worth it 😉 

[Kwothe28]

Is he a narcissist? Narcissists usually do hoovering when victim of their abuse tries to get away. 

Anyway, cheaters(serious kind) have distorted sense of morality. In his mind he maybe likes you, wants to be serious, even maybe wants to marry you. But if opportunity arises he will cheat with no problem. Friend once said to me "If you have a hamburger every day wouldnt you want pizza every once in a while?". That is the mind of somebody who cheats. He maybe trully wants you back. But he will never stop because his moral is like that.

Also, what he does now is definitely harassment. If he continues please involve police. 

[HeartGoesOn]

8 hours ago, RitaTrue said:

I dont understand how someone can be okay lying to you like that, but then act like they want the relationship back.  For what--so they can lie again?!  Please make it make sense.

Since cheating and lying go hand and hand, do you honestly think anything that comes out of their mouth can make sense?  Also, you can either put him on a leash and be miserable, or you can kick him to the curb and find someone who is worth your time.

Rather than trying to pick apart his BS, I'd focus on moving forward.