Can we move past this

[Mummy2000mat]

Please bare with me I’m new to this but need some advice. I have been with my partner for 7 years we have two children together 10 weeks and 3 years. I also have a son from a previous relationship. We met through a mutual friends and was friend for another 6 months before are relationship progressed. When we met he was diffrent to my ‘usual type’ and completely took me by surprise how my feelings grew. We always had 100% trust and I never had any doubt to ever question him . 

Anyway 2 weeks ago I was helping my son with his something and we needed to use the iPad to sent him up a child’s Google account which needed to be accepted by the main Google account , his. 

 I seen an email that caught my eye it was to a adult site asking for a refund of £50 as he thought he was signing up to a free trail, at that point I probably shouldn’t but I started looking at his other apps one being Instagram I noticed on his activity he has been looking at other girls and opening links into telegram ( an encrypted messing app) I approached him about it broke down and ask him was it was and if there was anything els he swore repeatedly there wasn’t . We sorted things out with him knowing he had damaged my trust then a week later I just couldn’t shift this feeling again and looked again this time coming across another app he had been looking at other females on I was gutted he could lie to me but yet again he swore there was nothing els me like an idiot believed him the every next day (please don’t judge) looked again this time finding he has an onlyfans account and has been paying for videos and to top it off has also been gambling online and has spent up to 2000 in 6 months  .. bare in mind our son in 10 weeks old. I feel completely betrayed and really don’t know how we are going to over come this as the lies hurt more than anything . 

I can’t get why he has been paying girls online for videos when he has videos of us but to also been gambling on top of it all we we don’t live a luxurious lifestyle anyway. Now I have found it all he is so sorry and wants to change but how am I surpose to ever trust him again especially when he can’t tell me the truth and will lie until i have broke it down bit by bit and have physical evidence. He has become and completely different person since February and I don’t know what iv done to contribute to it he says nothing but there must be people don’t just change that drastically in 6 months

 So I stay and try and work through this or is it time to call it a day. 

[MissCanuck]

18 minutes ago, Mummy2000mat said:

He has become and completely different person since February and I don’t know what iv done to contribute to it he says nothing

He's being honest about this, at least.

This is not about anything you have or have not done. He's just not the man you thought he was. Not anymore, anyway. You're in a really tough spot since you have an infant together, but this man has serious problems. Hunting out other women, secret gambling....I have a feeling there is still probably more that you have not discovered yet, unforunately. 

Which other ways has he changed since February? Did something happen around that time, or is that when you started noticing that something was off with him?

20 minutes ago, Mummy2000mat said:

So I stay and try and work through this or is it time to call it a day. 

Only you can answer that. Personally, I would never trust the guy again. He's very deceptive and disloyal, and clearly quite detached from the relationship. 
 

[Mummy2000mat]

I didn’t notice any change in Him that’s  the scary thing just what iv found has started since feb . Maybe he’s always been this person and iv just been very blind 

[Wiseman2]

35 minutes ago, Mummy2000mat said:

 Maybe he’s always been this person and iv just been very blind 

Sorry this is happening . Unfortunately he has always "been this person" and hid it.  

There's nothing you did and you're not blind. He went through great lengths to hide it.

Don't trust him. Sever all financial accounts. Change all your passwords.

Do you both work? From this point forward focus soley on yourself and your children. 

Get to a physician for STDs testing. What you happened upon is often the tip of the iceberg. Be frank with your doctors.

Check all your bank accounts and credit cards and credit scores. 

[Mummy2000mat]

11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening . Unfortunately he has always "been this person" and hid it.  

There's nothing you did and you're not blind. He went through great lengths to hide it.

Don't trust him. Sever all financial accounts. Change all your passwords.

Do you both work? From this point forward focus soley on yourself and your children. 

Yes we both work me prt time but currently on maternity and and him full time sometimes 6 days a week 10/11 hour days .

we had a bump in the road a few years ago similar just after I had our 3 year old, he was liking his sisters friends pictures he said he didn’t remember doing it and he was out of order and blocked her . So it’s probably just going to keep getting worse , it’s just a really crap situation to be in especially with 3 children in the mix 

 

[SooSad33]

I know some guys who, even when involved still hang onto their 'dating site profile' and take a glance now & then... but then you have guys like this..  .

Yah, it's quite damaging, the extent he's gone to.  Honestly is no need to 'pay' for things like that. ( and his gambling.. on top of the girl following).

I feel his actions/ behaviour is gone a little overboard. Like, why go to this extent?

Yes, some people enjoy some 'porn' and that is usually acceptable, to an extent.. but what he is doing is a little extreme.

sounds like this is just how he is 😕 .

If you can't accept & let it go, then is maybe time to get out of this... let HIM deal with his own mess and yes, you can manage to raise your kids as a single mom.. I did. (twice) .. IF parents cannot get along & too much tension, the kids will pick up on that.

 

[LaHermes]

7 hours ago, Mummy2000mat said:

Maybe he’s always been this person and iv just been very blind 

You can bet on it, OP. 

 

8 hours ago, Mummy2000mat said:

or is it time to call it a day. 

Definitely, OP.  He won't change.  Lying is the way he operates. 

[smackie9]

You saw this since February and it's now August? Girl slam the hammer down hard. Don't ask Tell him he has a bloody problem. It's ultimatum time! Get yourselves into couples counseling before he destroys your finances and relationship and the stability of your children's welfare. Say he has two choices...get his act together and get help or it's over.