Why?

[Riles84]

Can anyone tell me how its possible for someone to turn there back on you for someone else, even though they still have feelings for you, and care about you more than ever? Why do people end relationships when everything is fine and they love the person?

[rionmccloud]

Unfortunately I've learned that sometimes love just isn't enough. I wish I could give you something more uplifting but that's the truth of it. My girl knew I loved her, and she loved me, but she also didn't think we were really right for each other.

[kungfumaster]

good question Riles84.

 

to be honest, i have never been a dumper - only a dumpee, but here's my guess.

 

Can anyone tell me how its possible for someone to turn there back on you for someone else, even though they still have feelings for you, and care about you more than ever?

 

i think they can do this because they think you are no longer the person they want (maybe you have changed somehow, less confident, more insecure, jelous, will not be able to provide, something that's is not attractive, and was not part of who they know of you when you were together). then, they may find another person, who will temporarily take their mind off you, or who may seem to have all the qualities that they are looking for.

 

i think this is really hard for the dumpers - but i think they have a head start - they usually think these things while they are still in the relationship - and you think everything is okay, but there not. that's why when they do this, it feels exactly like what you say - like they've turned their back to you even though they seem to care about you.

 

Why do people end relationships when everything is fine and they love the person?

 

Again, dumpers usually already have the idea of leaving someone while already in the relationship, and the dumpee has no clue and thinks everything is fine.

 

I don't know. Just my opinion.

[melrich]

People don't end relationships when everything is fine and they love the person.

 

If someone ends a relationship there is a reason, usually the dumpee is just not seeing it.

[buzz bee]

im afraid i dont have an answer for you, but if you do find out why could you let me know i think youd solve alot of peoples problems and answer a hell of alot of questions if you do find an answer to that question

[RandomAdvisor]

Why do people end relationships when everything is fine and they love the person?

 

They don't. Either they don't love the person, or everything is not fine. You just can't see it.

[Riles84]

I dont think its that simple some_guy282

[melrich]

I think it is Riles. You have had 3 responses to this post me, Kungfumaster and some_guy all saying basically the exact the same thing.

 

I agree it is very common for the dumpee to THINK everything is fine and the other is still in love but when you ask the dumper you get a whole different story.

[Empathy]

Riles...I HATE your avatar! lol. My ex boyfriend's favorite band was The Doors.

[RandomAdvisor]

If everything were fine, she wouldn't have dumped you. Period. If you're really looking for closure, you should ask her to be honest with you and tell you the real reason she broke up with you.

[heloladies21]

If they dump you and immediately get with someone else, then they never really cared about you anyways. They have disrespected you in the worst way and you should No Contact them forever. She never truly loved you, you need to drill this into your brain until you never want to speak to her again. You deserve better. Heal and then go find someone who deserves you.

[socalguy123]

Here's a good time to read that post "The Awakening"... If you didn't notice it, take a look at the main Forum link...

 

Anyway, here's my opinion. Yes, she didn't love you enough/in the right way. And so she dumped you, before you knew what hit you. Right now it hurts to be dumped. Rejection kills, especially people with a more "fragile" self-esteem in the department of love (amen, I'm one of 'em!) But in time, you're going to become a pro at seeing potential problems, lack of interest, different life paths, in your future relationships. It takes a long hard look to really know what YOU want. You won't settle for a half-baked relationship. You won't allow someone to walk over you. You won't subjugate your needs to your significant others' needs...

 

But for now, it's ok to cry, scream, beat a pillow to death, chop some wood, take karate lessons. Vent it all out, here, with a friend, while exercising. Damage to the heart is one of the most powerful and painful experiences. I'd take a broken arm or leg over a severely broken heart any day. sounds crazy, but yeah...

 

Anyway, I hope this rambling helps. When you're REALLY over this girl, take a long hard look at what really was happening in your relationship. Then take a shot of tequila, and chalk it all up to experience...

[Empathy]

I'd take a FEW broken bones over a broken heart any day...

[alonegirl]

I think sometimes the problem is not always with the relationship but sometimes with the person. I know in my case there was not a whole lot wrong with our relationship, but he was very depressed with where his life had gone and where it was going and I think he started to resent me for it rather than looking at himself and I believe that is why he looked elsewhere, he is looking for someone else to make him happy. It was nothing with our relationship as this will keep happening to him unless he fixes his problems himself.

[Shidoshi]

I agree with a lot of whats been said. Also, you do realize that people "lie" don't you? Sometimes their "intentions" are good, but they don't understand that this gives the other person false hope, and misleads them to think you still care for them in the same way. When a person leaves you it's because they no longer feel the same way.

[h_b_k_02]

Can anyone tell me how its possible for someone to turn there back on you for someone else, even though they still have feelings for you, and care about you more than ever? Why do people end relationships when everything is fine and they love the person?

 

Human beings are natural idiots.

 

I mean, how else can you also explain someone leaving you for someone less attractive, making less money, being less funny???

 

curiosity killed the cat.

[SilverManic]

Theres also the saying 'the grass is always greener on the otherside' people will probably kick me for saying it but it's true! Some people always want what they can't have and when they have it they don't really want it anymore.

~S.

[Day_Walker]

It seems that you are looking for an answer that will comfort you. The truth is that you will probably never know the answer why. I believe some_guy had a good point. Its very common for one person to see a situation as being something its not. Just because one person in the relationship believes that everything is going great or things couldnt be better, doesnt mean thats how the other person feels. It comes down to the feelings that a person has deep down inside them that they dont share, they may say something else that they dont feel. There seem to be three possibilities in this sitation, its one person, the relationship or outside influence/s.

[Shidoshi]

I know some of you would say that he's not really in love if he walked away after 3.5 years.

But if any or yous are lebanese (muslims) coming from an 'old-school' familly, you'd understand. His parents will not accept a romanian wife with a child. As simple as that!

Or this could simply be an excuse to get out. Of course I don't know either of you, but I wouldn't put it pass anybody to do what they can to try and make a "clean" break. You say you still love each other but what's the point? He's going to be with someone else simply because his parents don't approve. Did he think they wouldn't mind 3.5 years ago, why is it "now" an issue?

 

The reason I question it is because he's basically saying it's not his decision, it's his "parents." Somehow he was able to "ignore" what his parents thought during the 3.5 years you were together.

[heartshout]

i have also come to ask the question "why" ... the reality behind is that the ex never loved us enough to stay .. eventhough how much we have loved them and given much to the relationship to work. True enough said that their action of breaking up with us and moving on right away with someone else has been planned all along before the breakup. The break up was just the right time for them to get over the fence which they see the grass as much greener ...

 

it is a sad reality but indeed i believe ... going through the process right now ... answering to the question why ... well They just never loved us enough to stay around ...

 

but hang in there .... and good luck

[DED19]

My gf says she still loves and cares about me but has left me too. She swears her only reason is because she feels that at only 20 she needs to have different experiences before she truly knows what she wants in life. I am only her second partner and first serious relationship. her first relationship wasn't much of anything. But I dont know if I buy what she says to me. I believe that if someone loves you they don't care what's on the other side, they care for you. What's discouraging is that my gf would say how she loved me just days before she gave me the bad news.

 

Is it possible to love someone but want to break up because you can't imagine only being with one person your whole life from such a young age?