Just need advice

[eiznekcamyt]

Never posted on one of these forums before, but I want other opinions. 

Me (21m) and my girlfriend (21f) have been together for a little over 2 years.  Things have been shaky for about a year now but we both love and care about each other a lot at the end of the day.  I've had a history of ***ty mental health and so has she, but I've been doing a lot better in 2021 whereas she's been struggling.  I've been frustrated that she hasn't been talking to me about how she's feeling, but I've been mostly patient I think.  After a really hard mental day two weeks ago I snapped in a moment of frustration and got upset with her, and didn't apologize until two days later.  Admittedly that was probably not the best decision but in my head I wanted to give her space since we had talked about doing that in the past after arguments.  She told me a few days later that she wanted to take a break to focus on herself, but I want to be able to work on ourselves together. 

We've been apart since the 20th of this month, and every day has been practically unbearable.  A day after we split for the break, she reached out to somebody she knows I'm not comfortable with her talking to who she almost left me for.  She has two twitter accounts that are private and I can't see, both of which this other guy follows.  I want to be confident that she wants to take this break for her own mental health but it's really difficult when so many things make me think that she wants to get out of the relationship.  I've had a really hard time sleeping, eating, being productive, and doing anything that I normally enjoy because I've been very anxious and depressed.  I've tried to talk to her a few times over the last two weeks but she's pretty much a brick wall.  We had one day together where we spent the day shopping and running errands, but it was really difficult for me and it took a week's worth of energy.  I really really just want to be happy with her, but I'm so worried and anxious every day and I don't feel like I can keep living like this.  She hasn't given me an idea of how long the break is going to be, and I'm worried we're going to drift apart after some time.  I'm just looking for advice, I'm really unsure what to think and at the end of the day I really really want my girlfriend back. 

[Capricorn3]

I think at this point in time it is best to give her space and leave her be.  Let her work through whatever she needs to.  Don't contact her.  She knows where to find you and when she's ready, let her contact you.

[eiznekcamyt]

I'm just so worried about losing her to somebody else, or if I give her too much space that she's going to end up drifting away from me.  It's really hard

[Capricorn3]

Just now, eiznekcamyt said:

I'm just so worried about losing her to somebody else, or if I give her too much space that she's going to end up drifting away from me.  It's really hard

I understand that it is hard and that you are hurting, but you need to understand that you can't make people stay with you, or love you if they don't feel it.  If she drifts away then it is what it is.  Her choice and you need to learn to accept and respect that.

Just give her the time she needs.  Maybe she's just feeling PO'd and is working through it.  If she comes back, great, but don't push her as it may just push her away.  Leave her be for now.

[catfeeder]

2 hours ago, eiznekcamyt said:

somebody she knows I'm not comfortable with her talking to who she almost left me for. 

What happened with this, and when?

Speaking only for myself, if someone 'almost left me' for someone else, there's no way that I'd be pining for that person in the present tense. They'd be history. 

Some people are best loved from far away.

[eiznekcamyt]

We took a break earlier this year as well and she almost left for good for someone else.  Things were going well until the last two weeks so I didn’t really think much of it.  I learned how much of a mistake taking breaks is tbh 

[SooSad33]

3 hours ago, eiznekcamyt said:

I'm just so worried about losing her to somebody else, or if I give her too much space that she's going to end up drifting away from me.

Well, if you don't give her the space she's asked for, that will make things worse.

 

1 hour ago, eiznekcamyt said:

We took a break earlier this year as well and she almost left for good for someone else.  Things were going well until the last two weeks so I didn’t really think much of it.  I learned how much of a mistake taking breaks is tbh 

Yup, it is..very much so 😕 .

Sounds like things have been rocky between you two for a few months already.

As mentioned, we can't make someone love us.  But, accept whatever they choose.

Look at this fact though ' She almost left for someone else'... Sadly, someone like this (unsettled), is not a good thing.. And if I was involved with someone & learned they did this, I'd have to learn to accept it and fight all I've got to just leave them be.

Is best you just back off, totally now.

With her acting like this, is not good for you & your mentality 😕 .. you're involved with a woman who's showing way too much uncertainty.

Is time to face the facts, sorry 😕 . If she were totally into you, she wouldn't be asking for these 'breaks' and seeking someone else out.

And, it has all caused you a lot of anxiety - of which you do not need!

So... now you stay away and focus on YOU.

Find that inner strength to stay away- as begging, follwing etc never gets you anywhere good.

Time to accept and work your healing & moving on.

I know.. it sucks!  😕 ... nothing we can do at this point though.

 

[Capricorn3]

3 hours ago, eiznekcamyt said:

We took a break earlier this year as well and she almost left for good for someone else.  Things were going well until the last two weeks so I didn’t really think much of it.  I learned how much of a mistake taking breaks is tbh 

Sounds to me like you're a lot more into her than she is into you (sorry).  I know it hurts but sometimes it is best to accept reality and cut your losses and move on. Never settle for second best.

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, eiznekcamyt said:

  I'm so worried and anxious every day and I don't feel like I can keep living like this. 

Sorry this is happening. She's right. You need a break from each other.

Focus on yourself. Mental health is not a DIY situation.

It would be best to get evaluated by a physician for the moods, insomnia, lassitude, and basically barely functioning. 

With appropriate medical treatment and supportive therapy you'll feel better.

At this point, you're just stressing each other out and dragging each other down.

There's no such thing as "breaks". That's just a soft nonconfrontational (but cowardly) way to end it.

Stay no contact. Not to get her back but to focus on your mental and physical health.

 

[smackie9]

It's all about your age. You started when you were teenagers, now you are adults, things are different. She's wanting to know what else is out there and experience dating. It has nothing to do with her "mental" issues. breaking up doesn't determine or force anyone to meet someone new...she's been wanting to do this while you two have been together for the last year. It's hard to phantom but relationships do run their course whether things are good or bad or how much you care for each other. The honeymoon phase usually ends after about a year...well it's looking that's the cause. The feeling dropped for her, she doesn't understand why, it's confusing. That would explain her behavior. Sorry but it's probably coming to an end. You need to push yourself away and focus on your own life, keep busy, and go forward. And stop holding your breath.