He dumped me!

[sandela]

I've been in different forums looking for different answers. I've got some great replies - especially from DN -.

 

Well after all the insecurities I have been livign with for the last month have just ended last night.

 

My ex-guy and I went out to a beach town in Ontario. A town that now haunts me because my ex husband has a place there and there are so many good memories. I really tried to let it go and say "hey I can go this place and not feel sad".

 

It was Sunday - very cloudy and slightly rainy. We all sat in the cottage for hours and hours talking and drinking. I will say that I may have consumed much alcohol but was pacing and so thereforeeee not drunk. We went out for dinner in town. Got out of the restaunt now feeling the alcohol and looked straight at the mini putt place and got so sad about my children. I took it to the extreme that I felt I betrayed them by leaving their dad.

 

We're driving home, the ex-b/f and I, and I have a complete meltdown about how I felt about how my kids lives will be, etc etc mostly the woe is me kinda thing. The ex b/f hardly speaks, barely listens I'm sure and dumps me the next day because he feels that my emotions challenged him and does not want to be in that space again. Tells me initially he just wants time away but I push and push then he says "you have pushed me too far and now I don't want any contact or any email from you". I know he means it - so I guess I have to respect that. It's all my fault.

 

Feels weird because I haven't cried since 1 pm today. What does that mean? Am I healing? Am I in denial? How do I get over this man because I believe in my heart he will never return. What is the best way to heal?

[pattysky]

Hi,

I understand your pain and yes, you are in denial and shock right now. The only advice I can give you, is to remain strong and have no contact with him at all. No matter what happens, do not call, email, or contact him because he will make you feel like crap.

Do things for yourself, like go to the gym, get your nails done, whatever it takes to get him off your mind..(and it will be tough the first month) I almost broke no contact about 5 times, but I would read the posts on this site and I got stronger. There's a guy on here named "Chai" and he has some really good advice for people that get dumped.

You deserve so much more than someone who is going to leave you so fast and not care about you.

 

 

be strong,

we are all here to help you

pattysky

[newts]

Sandela,

 

Maybe you are healing? Can I ask did you leave your husband and children for this ex?

 

In your mind you maybe sad about losing this relationship, and the thought he may never contact you is really scary, however, you do have past issues which you need to work through before you will ever have another successful relationship and find inner peace. You need to confront your demons. Fully explain to both your ex husband and kids why you did what you did, you obviously have alot of built up guilt and you need to resolve that and then you will find that it will be alot better for you in your day to day life and your NEW future relationships.

 

My suggestion would be to try to rebuild your relationship with your kids. It

is probably too late to try to rebuild an amicable friendship with your husband, however, you need to try to do this for yourself.

[ReadyorNot]

What town were you in? I am from Ontario too

[heloladies21]

Don't feel bad about revealing your guilt to your ex. You did nothing wrong. If he isn't strong enough to be there for you when you're feeling weak and you need someone to lean on, then he doesn't deserve you. He would have most likely dumped you somewhere down the line because he never truly cared about you. You should actually feel glad that all of this happened now before you spent any more time getting in deeper with him. Now you're free to go and find what you really deserve.

 

So remember this, no guilty feelings. You did nothing wrong. That's really the way I see it. So go No Contact, grieve, and in no time you'll be good as new and ready to find someone else.

[temperamental_taurus]

I agree with heloladies - was it that difficult for him to be there for you? To support you? To listen to you? Not hard at all, especially if he cared about you. Do not blame yourself, you deserve so much more. *hugs*

[sandela]

Hi,

 

I better clarify something - I didn't leave my ex-hubby for exb/f (J). I've only been with J since last September and my marriage was already over a year before that.

 

Thanks for the advice!!!!

 

Will read and reply later after I get into work.

 

S

[DN]

I will reply by pm

[sandela]

It's been 4 days of almost hell. I almost quit a new pt job last night before I even got there because I didn't think I'd hold up well. Lucky for me it was not so bad. My biggest mistake was going out afterwards to meet after the Knights game. Only had a couple of drinks and thought hey I am ok - we're all having fun and I figure this is what my free time will be like on the weekends. Woke up this morning with a big hole in me. Emptiness, longing, pain, hoping - these are just some of the words that describe what I feel like. I was told it was best not to have a drop of alchohol while trying to deal with this pain and now I know what it does. Makes you feel worse and of course its Friday and I have to work today. Came sooooo close to calling in sick for the second time this week. Just wanted to sleep the day away until my kids come home tonight. But I made it here and will probably just plug through and also read from here to gain some strength. This pain has to go away. PLEASE tell me it will.

[sandela]

Its almost a week of my relationship breaking up. I spent my whole day on Saturday lying on the couch crying and sleeping. When I finally had to go out to see my son's hockey game suddenly everything changed. I started to feel better that I was out of the apt and almost out of the funk. I finally sent him an apology letter last night that he should have got by now. I guess now will be the hard part and that is waiting. I'm still hurting so badly inside but yet have soooo much hope and really hope the letter I sent will help turn things around. I figure by the end of next week - if I haven't heard from him well then its REALLY AND TRULY over and no way of reconciliation. So a week from now I will have to start looking at this from the beginning, starting the greiving process all over again right from day 1. Even though I think the letter is good, with the help of a friend, I don't know if its enough to change his thinking. I can't go on like this. I've been through so much heartache in the last two years, my separation, and two break ups with b/f's. I don't know how much more I can take. If it ween't for my two sons I'd be gone but I know that I can't hurt them by taking my life. So even though I am at such a hard place now - having them close by is helping me. It's really hard when your life lines (friends) are unavailable to be there to listen to you and just keep coaching. The good thing is neither of them are giving me false hope - so I give credit to them for being honest. I really need that.

 

Thanks for listening

[sandela]

Ok the letter has been sent. He's had at least a day to have read it and digest it. I know you said we're giving him a week to make some kind of move. Is there even a need to make the finalization call? Do I need to make the call next week to see if he's really thinking finalization?

Basically have I done all I can possibly do to get this man back?

 

Am I at a place where the NO CONTACT rule (if rules like this exist) should be enforced? Or do I try one more time at the end of this week?

 

Dying inside.....