pattysky

A question to you all from my dear friend Lucie (she is not a member yet)..... Hello, I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years and it was like pulling teeth to finally get engaged, but he did relunctantly. At times he can be verbally abusive, somewhat physically abusive, (threw a ceramic mug at me), and he makes me feel guilty a lot in addition to insulting me. I still love him and I don't know if I am doing the right thing since we have so much time together. I love his daughter, yet sometimes he treats his ex wife with more respect than he treats me. I'm so hurt and confused. He's not all bad, and we did have many good times together, but I always feel insecure and he doesn't help the situation. I"ve accepted a lot of his baggage, and he acts like he's doing me the favor of being with me. My heart is always heavy and I don't feel respected. I am so confused, and hurt. Did I do the right thing by ending the relationship? and if I did, why do I feel so terrible???

They start dating or seeing other people because they need to feel secure and if the person that dumped you, is already looking to get a new person in thier life, then it means that they don't like themselves very much because they won't even give themselves the time to heal. My ex started talking to this other girl less than a month after he broke up with me, and she turned out to be a major player and was sleeping around with many men. (good for him, he deserved that) They all eventually experience what I call "THE MELTDOWN" where they begin to feel guilt and regret.

Hi Everyone, Well I met with my ex for lunch but we ended up not having lunch (my decision. What happened was, a few nights before we met, we talked for the first time in almost 3 months on the phone! He was distant and cold and basically told me that he could never be with me again, etc, and that he would "always have love for me" (give me a break...) Anyway I go to meet him, and believe me, I looked really good. I think he was expecting me to hug him and cry and tell him how much I missed and loved him, and why won't he be with me....but I didn't. I was calm cool and collected. He was so nervous! He did say that I looked crack skinny (which is a lie) but then he said "but you look good" I didn't stare at him much and I told him I really didn't have time to eat, but I wanted to give him his stuff. I asked him for my gold earings and necklace that he gave me for Christmas and he embarrassingly tells me that he gave them to his MOTHER! I just acted cool and said it's cool and I basically cut the meeting short. He was not the confident self assured, jerk that dumped me in an email 3 months prior. He was nervous and insecure to the point I almost felt bad for him. He said he was working out a lot and he was pretty happy with his life now. We parted ways and I said goodbye and gave him a hug. He seemed apprehensive to hug me and gave me one of those flimsy hugs and I said "It's ok, you can hug me", so he gave me a good hug and that was it. I haven't heard from him in five days since and I have gone straight back to strict NC. He said he still wants to be friends but his actions show that he is still angry, resentful, and he will probably never call me again, but I finally have closure and I'm fine with it even though it still hurts and I still miss what I thought he was when he loved me. Let me know your take on this, Thanks and hugs to all.

Well I did call him back and it was weird because he had a wall up and he was different. He said he still cared for me but he could never be with me again. However we spoke for about two and a half hours. I told him towards the end of the conversation that I still cared and I missed him a lot, and I don't know what to do now. I really want him back but I have no idea where to begin. He said he spent the past month drunk a lot also. He hasn't seen me in almost three months. I was such a mess, I lost twenty pounds. What should I do? He wants to have lunch Wed to get his dad's book back from me, but I'm not sure how he really feels deep down.

Ok, here's the deal, my ex calls me back after 2 and a half months of no contact except for two emails where I informed him of my father's death. He calls and says "I'm finally calling you back and I'm real sorry about your dad and everything else, call me back" The everything else was him breaking up with me in an email after two years together! I think it's a guilt call and I don't know what to do! Should I call him back? I still care for him and I'm so nervous. I need help and I need some solid advice because I miss him a lot!!! What should I do? He called earlier around 7 pm.

Yes....I already sent it, but I needed to get that off my chest. As for the therapy thing, we used to fight a lot right before my period and I finally decided to get treament because I have awful pms! I wasn't an angel, but I did love him. I just wanted to let him know that I was feeling better because he used my pms as an excuse to break up in addition to other things. I don't care if he doesn't respond because I said my peace. I just want to heal now. He can't seem to talk to me or face me, and I'm wondering if any of you know why???? He broke up with me, so why would he have a problem facing me?

I am still heartbroken as well and it's been about 3 months. My ex never contacts me unless it's through email. My dad died one month after he dumped me in an email and he still never called me! He is so cold and he wants nothing to do with me. It hurts like hell but it gets better with time (so I hear) Be brave and stay alone until you heal or you may end up hurting an innocent soul. If you are soul-sick like I am, stay alone until your soul gets strong enough to love again. hugs to you Pattysky

My ex broke up with me in an email a few months ago right before my dad passed away. (you can read my earlier posts) I called him after my dad died to let him know, and he wrote me a simple but kind email stating that he was very sorry and he would always be my friend, and that after hearing my voicemail, he needed to go out and have a few drinks. He also asked me to send him a book I had that belonged to his dad. To make a long story short, I called him again and thanked him for the email and reminded him that I had other things of his and told him to call me and let me know what he wanted back and I would bring it over. I never heard from him and then a week later, the email king writes me a short cold email, asking me to leave his book in front of his door and he would leave my stuff in a bag! (now I thought he wanted to be friends?) So I wrote him this: Sure, no problem. I felt funny about going to your house last week because you never returned my calls about what you wanted back, and it doesn't really seem like you want to hear my voice or see me. I thought you still wanted to be friends, but I guess you don't. I'm sure you have a new girlfriend and you're very happy, but I figured we could at least get a coffee and talk as friends. I can't tell you how hard the past few months have been for me. It was like two people died in my life, my dad, and you. I hope that you are much happier without me because then all this pain I went through is worth it. I know now how miserable you were with me since you were able to just dump me via email after two years and never even miss me or talk to me again.I feel like you are angry with me still, and I want you to know that I'm not angry anymore. I'm a survivor and I made it through the hurricane. I go to therapy once a week and she put me on on 5htp Tryptophan for my lunatic period days and it's amazing! If you don't want to be friends, it's not a problem, just don't say you want to when you really want nothing to do with me. My friendship is a valuable thing and if you don't want it, it 's your loss. I might be crazy but, I'm not such a bad person and I loved you so much, with all my heart. I miss my dad so much and I miss talking to you. I just wanted to be part of eachother's lives even as friends because you meant that much to me, and I figured we could help eachother throughout our lives. I don't want anything back, keep it all. I also don't want your video camera or your stereo, so I guess I will have to wait for one of your famous emails to let me know if you want these things. OK GUYS

Thanks for the reply, you're right I need to move on. It takes time and it hurts a lot but trying to reach out to someone that doesn't care, only makes it worse.

Hey guys, I have a question, you see my ex boyfriend and I have not spoken in about two months. He broke up with me in an email and my dad was really sick at that time. Since then, my dad passed away and I decided to call him and left him a voicemail informing him of my father's passing. So then, (the email King who can't seem to call or face me) writes me this nice condolence email and says that after he heard my message, he had to go out and get some drinks. He called me 5 times a day when we were together. He wrote that he would always be my friend and he wanted a book that belonged to his dad, but he never wrote or called me back after that. Why would he say he still wants to be friends and then never call me or email me back? I don't understand why he avoids hearing my voice or seeing me. I haven't called him since and I don't intend to. I have simply returned to NC. Did I do the right thing? I still miss him.

thanks everyone

I looked at a picture of me and my ex from two years ago when we were so in love, and I felt such a strong urge to call him... I'm not sure it's ok yet because we have not spoken in over a month. He broke up with me and I just miss him more and more. It really sucks, and I just want to hear his voice and talk to him. What should I do????? I've been so strong up until this point but I just feel that we need to talk, I think I need closure, but I don't want to get hurt..all over again.

Thanks everyone, you put a new light on this for me. It's amazing how someone can love you for 2 years and then within days, leave you, and start looking for a new love like you never existed. It's so sad to realize that someone else still has your "peace of mind" I just want mine back...

I saw that my ex boyfriend put up a profile on the same dating site that we met on. I was so hurt, but when I read his words I didn't know what to make of it. He stated that he wanted to finally meet someone "normal" without baggage and that he was the nicest guy you'll ever meet if you treat him right. (he wasn't that nice) What do you think this means? He also said something about meeting a girl that didn't have "violent ups and downs" He broke up with me because we had fights during my pms which I blamed myself for and apologized like crazy for as well. I am so confused as to why he would still be so angry at me. I could feel the anger coming through his written words on that dumb dating site! I have been so strong, and I have had no contact with him, but when I saw that he put up a profile to meet people, I was so angry and hurt. I put up my own profile and I wanted him to see it so bad and then I realized that I was being so stupid, and playing into his game, so before he could see it, I cancelled it. I don't want to play games with him. I'll just keep up the NC and I hope I'm doing the right thing. Let me know what you all think.

No contact is crucial in healing. At first, I played tricks in my mind thinking NC would bring him back, but I realized that after one month of not hearing from him, he meant everything he said about never wanting to see me again. It still hurts and probably will from time to time, but I have stopped or at least (tried to stop) blaming myself for the breakup. I also feel better and stronger and more rational than I did 3 weeks ago. I know that I will survive without him, even though I will miss things about him. Just remember these words: There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this - when people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. The Bible said that, "they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can' t get super glue and you can't make them stay. Let them go. And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when peoples part in your story is over so that you don t keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead. You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of goodbye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in goodbye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know what ever God means for me to have he'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay. Let them go.

Hi, I understand your pain and yes, you are in denial and shock right now. The only advice I can give you, is to remain strong and have no contact with him at all. No matter what happens, do not call, email, or contact him because he will make you feel like crap. Do things for yourself, like go to the gym, get your nails done, whatever it takes to get him off your mind..(and it will be tough the first month) I almost broke no contact about 5 times, but I would read the posts on this site and I got stronger. There's a guy on here named "Chai" and he has some really good advice for people that get dumped. You deserve so much more than someone who is going to leave you so fast and not care about you. be strong, we are all here to help you pattysky

I was dumped in an email, but we had been together for two years and he made himself look very cowardly doing it that way. The email was short, and blunt with no regard for our relationship. He also wouldn't give an explanation when I emailed him back since he had shut off his phone... Your letter is long, and sensitive and explanatory. You are a kind person, and I understand that some people express themselves better through written words. It's when someone has a complete lack of compassion, emotion, and empathy for another human being that it's wrong.

I'm sorry, but your wife should be your best friend, and this is why she objects to your close relationship to this other woman. Just from reading your post, I can see how deeply you care for this woman, and this will destroy your marriage if you're not careful. Let this woman's other friends and family take care of her, you have your own to deal with.

..WEll in response to how abusive he is, he once threw a ceramic coffee cup at me, and he pushed me, but that was the extent of the physical abuse. He sometimes asks me to do a threesome and tells me that it's his fantasy, yet he is so jealous of me talking to other men. He also tells me that I'm overweight sometimes. I feel so sad because I am begginning to feel numb towards him. I gave him his ring back and told him that I need to think, and he said "I wish I knew how to make you love me again" I am so confused, if anyone has any thoughts, please share... Marilyn

A friend of mine named Marilyn needs help, she asks you all: I met my boyfriend 3 and 1/2 years ago. In the begginning I was very happy, but throughout the relationship whenever I mentioned marriage, he would be very reluctant. However, he did come around and we finally got engaged in Feb. Now I'm feeling undecided myself because I don't know how sincere the effort on his part really was. I feel that he's marrying me only because he doesn't want to lose me, because he always told me that he never wanted to get married again. I'm also undecided because throughout the relationship I've seen signs of abuse and uncontrolled anger. Also, he can be very immature at times and this is why I am conflicted. He is more self centered than he is caring, yet he does have a caring side to him. After he gave me the ring, it wasn't long before he started to excuse some abusive behavior by saying "you got the ring, I did everything you wanted me to do".. He makes me feel guilty.....What should I do? PLease help..... Marilyn, (patty's friend)

I know that the money must be great, but you are only 20 and you really shoud think about getting your education first. I'm sure you are a beautiful, intelligent girl, and this lifestyle is definitely not for you. I knew many women that regretted getting into the whole dancer career, but at that time, it was too late. It's hard to make a living these days, but concentrate on your education and you will see the dawning of a new day for yourself. good luck

Hi college guy, All is not lost, you just messed up a little by saying that. I would hang out with her again (but totally sober this time) and tell her the truth, that you really like and respect her. Do something special and different, like take her for a nice dinner, or a romantic date or something. (and don't forget some flowers!) Don't mention the comment you made unless she does, and then just tell her it was the booze and there is no other girl. I'm sure she likes you, and girls like honest straight forward, confident men. Show confidence and if she still says she wants to be just friends, then just say ok, you got it, and move on because if she sees that you're worth it, (and you are) then she will go out with you. good luck, I'll say a prayer for you

Hi Shorty, Your poem is awesome and you are just adorable. You should make them into songs.

This site has been so helpful.

pattysky