Why the silent treatment?

[Confused2]

I made the epic mistake of dating someone at work. It was after coming out of a relationship I was vulnerable and thought it wouldn’t go anyway but a few dates. Ended up being a toxic 3 year relationship. This guy clinger to me hard. I had no idea what was happening. I ended up finding out he suffered from a number of mental illness. Most of which he hides pretty well at the office. I found out he cheated on me try to leave me but he begged for my forgiveness so I stayed. His reactions were more like a child than a man but I kind of felt into this care taker role than I later didn’t know would make me feel so attached.  Well the infidelities kept happening. With more than one girl but I saw text and one of them was clearly more than sexual. I ended the relationship and I wasn’t a pretty scene. I kicked him out. But because I will ultimately have to see this person I sent a message trying to be as understanding as possible. Something to the effect I know sometimes feelings change and I just wished you had been honest with me. Wish you the best and no hard feelings. No response!! But he wants to add this girl I suspected of on social media and basically throw it in my face one day after everything. As if I had done something to him. It’s completely mind blowing. A simple sorry would of been better. 

[bluecastle]

Sorry about this. 

I'd say the thing to focus on right now is that you are no longer with someone whose issues extend far, far beyond and inability to be gracious and mature over text. He sounds like he was pretty lousy partner so to expect him to be less-than-lousy during a breakup—well, no. He's being who he has always been: a man too consumed with himself to treat others with respect.

Perhaps if you think about it in those terms this moment won't be so "mind-blowing," and you can exhale into a life without him where you can heal and move forward. 

 

[Seraphim]

Don’t expect a sorry from a cheater. If the relationship ended in flames you’re not getting the “ silent treatment “ it is over. 

[Confused2]

2 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Don’t expect a sorry from a cheater. If the relationship ended in flames you’re not getting the “ silent treatment “ it is over. 

Yea well I’m aware it’s over. I ended it. I was just trying to keep polite since we work together. If we didn’t I’d prob never speak to him again. But I guess I can play on his terms n just turn the other way when I run into him. Lol 

[Seraphim]

It is best not to interact. 

[Confused2]

7 minutes ago, bluecastle said:

Sorry about this. 

I'd say the thing to focus on right now is that you are no longer with someone whose issues extend far, far beyond and inability to be gracious and mature over text. He sounds like he was pretty lousy partner so to expect him to be less-than-lousy during a breakup—well, no. He's being who he has always been: a man too consumed with himself to treat others with respect.

Perhaps if you think about it in those terms this moment won't be so "mind-blowing," and you can exhale into a life without him where you can heal and move forward. 

 

Yea I guess you’re right. Should of prob left things as they were. 

[bluecastle]

3 minutes ago, Confused2 said:

But I guess I can play on his terms n just turn the other way when I run into him. Lol 

Why not play on your terms? In other words, why not be civil and cordial as you reinstate professional boundaries? How he behaves is on him, not you, and judging from the big picture? He doesn't really have it him to live his life above board. Doesn't mean you should dip below the waterline. 

[Confused2]

42 minutes ago, bluecastle said:

Why not play on your terms? In other words, why not be civil and cordial as you reinstate professional boundaries? How he behaves is on him, not you, and judging from the big picture? He doesn't really have it him to live his life above board. Doesn't mean you should dip below the waterline. 

You’re right. I guess I feel stupid for reaching out. Being cheated on and lied to is humiliating enough and to top it off to be ignored.  Idk how much of his behavior is due to his mental illnesses. I know he requires a lot of time and reassurance. Which I didn’t always have. Not bc I didn’t care but I do also have a job and a life of my own. It was a big responsibility to bear. I did care about him deeply. As much as it hurts if he found someone he feels is better suited for him and can give him the support he needs I am happy for him. Doesn’t mean I’m not sad or need time to mourn the relationship.  I wish he understood. But I guess I should accept that those emotions are prob beyond him. 

[Rose Mosse]

Praise your lucky stars you are being ignored. It means you now have the chance to move forwards. There's nothing lost here, only freedom and your sanity regained. 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Confused2 said:

  I just wished you had been honest with me. Wish you the best and no hard feelings. No response!! 

Excellent you kicked him out. Your communication doesn't require a response, so why would there be one?

Delete him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Focus on what your going through and how this happened.

Start a fresh life, without needing to fix anyone.

[Cherylyn]

Since he's a co-worker, remain professional, respectful, well mannered and polite; no more, no less.  Don't contact him anymore regarding personal matters and your feelings. 

The silent treatment is passive aggressive behavior.  I've done it and I've been on the receiving end of silent treatment, too.  The silent treatment message is "I don't care about you and leave me alone.  Don't bother me."  Take this hint, get his message and move on.