How to let him know that I am not coming back?

[Dawnbreak]

Firstly, I am not a bad person. But I broke up with my ex-fiance of about 6 years. Used to think that he was my soulmate but it all changed when he cheated on me and verbally and emotionally abused me on occasions. However, I still feel bad for breaking up with him because I am also responsible for dragging this relationship on for so long as I allowed my feeings and his threats to keep me hostage.

 

Now, I am free of this relationship for a year and have met a wonderful guy who showed m once again what a real loving relationship should be. My ex is still badgering me over emails, saying he loves me, that he wants another chance and how I am the only one for him etc. He send me the letter again one year after we broke up. I haven't replied to him because I am afraid that he is depressed and may kill himself (as he threatened to in the past.) I don't know his friends and doubt his family members will help (they don't seem concerned). But I wrote a draft email with the gist saying that I don't love him anymore and that he shouldn't wait for me as I no longer want to start a family with him. I also ask him not to call or email me anymore. I don't know what else to do and am afraid that by being honest, he may be so crushed that he will kill himself. He told me he's no longer that 'silly' person but I doubt it. Once bitten, twice shy.

 

At the same time, I really want to be free of him and I think I should be honest rather than string him along by being nice and say things like "we can still be friends" or 'we don't know what the future holds' etc. I know I NEVER want to be with him again as I believe 6 years and many chances later, if he's still verbally abusive and can't be honest in a relationship, he will always be. And even if he isn't anymore, i ain't gonna be a stupid guinea pig again by going back to him.

 

What can I do? Should I just ignore his letter? Should I send him the honest letter (in my opinion, it's not harshly worded)? I feel once again trapped by his emotional guilt-traps.

 

 

Thanks,

Dawnbreak

[lady00]

Well, you've tried ignoring him and he doesn't seem to get it. Have you ever point-blank told him you are not interested and don't want to hear from him anymore? If not, this is a good time to do that. You deserve to be free of him becuase right now he doesn't know how to be just friends...he is still not over you. I know you are worried about him being depressed and threatening to kill himself but you're not responsible for his happiness...you're not responsible for his actions...he is. Don't let him try to pull that on you, it's unfair. Don't be cruel, but just let him know once and for all that it's over and you do not want to hear from him anymore. Tell him that if he really cares about you, he'll respect your wishes. I agree with you that if he didn't change in 6 years, it's unlikely that he's changed during the year you have been apart. Good luck in your new relationship.

[newts]

Dawn,

 

You are certainly not a bad person. The problem with being with somebody for that length of time is they know how to pull your strings, how to emotionally blackmail you. Take these idle threats of committing suicide as just that "idle threats" most people who say this are the ones that will never do it. He knows you and he knows what make you tick.

 

I think you should send the letter, give him some closure. And never answers his calls or letters ever again until he can become a responsible caring friend, friend being the operative word.

 

If you keep giving him a semblance of hope you may get back together he will keep coming in and out of your life.

 

And if he does try to do something stupid, you are not responsible for him or his actions anymore, you gave him all the chances he needed and it's time to think about you and your happiness for a change.

 

Good luck in your new relationship.

[hurtwou]

ok...you tired to ignore him....if he didnt get the hint send the letter...it may be harsh but its so much better then leading him ....which im not sayin you are....but he may see it like that

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

What kinda things did he do to emotionally abuse you, just out of curiosity. How often was it?