My girlfriend and I are having a fight because of something she said to her grandmother

[Omen435]

My girlfriend's grandmother have bipolar disorder as well as auditory hallucination who often causes trouble with my girlfriend and her family. She often talk to me or rant to me about her, about the mean things her grandmother tell her, about how she says she wish my girlfriend would get all kinds of deadly diseases, there was also a time where her grandmother hit her as well as pointed a knife to her, she also tells me how her grandmother tells them to het out of the house, she tells me how her grandmother spread gossips all around their neighborhood about my girlfriend as well as her mom, how she tells people that she's getting deprived of her needs when that's not truly the case, she complains they don't feed her even if when I come over I often see her snacking on something out of the fridge, she even give away foods to their neighbors, and she also hates how my girlfriend's mother have a boyfriend. Even if they try to make up with her, she still won't listen. She seems to really hate both of them for some unknown reason.
My girlfriend's siblings lives in another house not far from her house. One of her siblings sent her a recording which included her grandmother telling a bunch of lies, in the recording, her grandmother was talking about how she was getting deprived from food and how she wanted to throw both my girlfriend and her mom out of the house. 
After sending the recording, as usual, she was upset about it. Even before this recording, my girlfriend often vents to me about their issue with their grandmother. I admit that my girlfriend isn't the nicest, I've accepted that already. But just now, she said to me that why don't her grandmother just kills herself. I was taken aback, I asked her if we can talk about it later instead. Like I said, I know my girlfriend can be really mean but that still caught me off guard.
After doing house work, I texted her again. I told her I was ready to talk about it. At this point, I was keeping an open mind and was ready to whatever she has to say. I was just going to listen. She was upset, she told me she's not the kind-hearted person I was thinking her for. She also told me that why is it that when her grandmother wish all sorts of horrible things to happen to her, it's okay, but when she says something like that, it's off limits. She said it's as if her grandmother was a true victim, when in reality, they were the ones who aren't doing anything wrong to her. She got really mad at me for being surprised.
I'm posting this here without the purpose of winning other people's hearts, I'd like for everyone to keep an open mind while reading it. I'm not trying to make others judge my girlfriend, I love her very much and I wouldn't want that to happen. I'm just genuinely puzzled on what to do, I want to be able to make up with her. That's why I'm here asking for help. Thank you very much.

[Seraphim]

How is the grandmother mentally challenged ?

[Omen435]

4 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

How is the grandmother mentally challenged ?

Her grandmother has bipolar disorder as well as auditory hallucinations 

 

[Seraphim]

2 minutes ago, Omen435 said:

Her grandmother has bipolar disorder as well as auditory hallucinations 

 

Ok ,that is not mentally challenged that is a mood disorder and schizophrenia. Mentally challenged is something different. My father was bipolar and was my no means mentally challenged. 

[Omen435]

1 minute ago, Seraphim said:

Ok ,that is not mentally challenged that is a mood disorder and schizophrenia. Mentally challenged is something different. My father was bipolar and was my no means mentally challenged. 

I see, I'm very sorry about that. I hope I don't offend anyone

[Seraphim]

16 minutes ago, Omen435 said:

I see, I'm very sorry about that. I hope I don't offend anyone

I didn’t take offence just informing. 😊

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Omen435 said:

she complains they don't feed her 
My girlfriend's siblings lives in another house not far from her house.

 I admit that my girlfriend isn't the nicest.  I know my girlfriend can be really mean 

How old is she? Have you met in person?

Why does she live there? Stay out of it. End it and leave her alone.

You are complaining about her too much and she is telling you bizarre events about where she lives and her family. 

[SooSad33]

Sounds like her experience there with grama is NOT a nice experience :(.  Some people are just mean and lash out- making it hard for others to be around them

this sounds like a highly toxic environment for all.

Not sure how old your gf is?  Can she not look to move out of there?

How about some ways for the family to 'get help; in dealing with grama?  Because no one needs to be treated this way.

If anything, this will affect everyone around her in a bad way.. your gf is frustrated, being there with her grama.

I feel that family needs some help.  This is an unhealthy environment.. Do you know if they are getting any assistance in dealing with her?  I am sure her mentality is noted?

There are support workers out there- to give relief, especially if her mom is a 'main caregiver'...

[Jibralta]

4 hours ago, Omen435 said:

She also told me that why is it that when her grandmother wish all sorts of horrible things to happen to her, it's okay, but when she says something like that, it's off limits. She said it's as if her grandmother was a true victim, when in reality, they were the ones who aren't doing anything wrong to her. She got really mad at me for being surprised.

It wasn't nice of your girlfriend to say that. However, I think she probably said it because she's really frustrated with the situation, and not necessarily because she's mean, or actually wants her grandmother to die.

[Rose Mosse]

She has to learn to self-soothe or process/discard issues that bother her. Using you as an emotional crutch or dumping all that on you is bad news for you. Everyone goes through tough times. It's one thing to be going through a rough patch and it's another to be an emotional dumper. 

Take things one ear in and one ear out at the time. What goes on with her grandmother is not something you can change (not in your power to change or alter). If it starts to affect you or your moods you might want to be tactful and vocal about how you are finding it hard to be in a relationship with this much negativity. 

I'm sorry there is so much upheaval here.

[Omen435]

3 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

Sounds like her experience there with grama is NOT a nice experience :(.  Some people are just mean and lash out- making it hard for others to be around them

this sounds like a highly toxic environment for all.

Not sure how old your gf is?  Can she not look to move out of there?

How about some ways for the family to 'get help; in dealing with grama?  Because no one needs to be treated this way.

If anything, this will affect everyone around her in a bad way.. your gf is frustrated, being there with her grama.

I feel that family needs some help.  This is an unhealthy environment.. Do you know if they are getting any assistance in dealing with her?  I am sure her mentality is noted?

There are support workers out there- to give relief, especially if her mom is a 'main caregiver'...

They are on a bit of a dilemma,  they know they can't leave her grandmother alone because one way or another, she might end up hurting herself. She also isn't able to provide for herself anymore. They have been looking to move out, but that's one of the things that's preventing them. We're both 18 right now

[Omen435]

43 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

It wasn't nice of your girlfriend to say that. However, I think she probably said it because she's really frustrated with the situation, and not necessarily because she's mean, or actually wants her grandmother to die.

It's something that often makes her frustrated, and I do recognize that. I just want to be there for her, I honestly don't care anymore if she said something like that.

[SooSad33]

3 minutes ago, Omen435 said:

They are on a bit of a dilemma,  they know they can't leave her grandmother alone because one way or another, she might end up hurting herself. She also isn't able to provide for herself anymore. They have been looking to move out, but that's one of the things that's preventing them. We're both 18 right now

Okay, so you are both still kinda young- but hitting adult age... be best though, for her to be out of an environment like this 😞 

And how about the family getting some other help- in dealing with grama?  As i mentioned, outside help- relief workers?

[Seraphim]

Just be aware as well that bipolar and schizophrenia are inheritable. My brother and I are not bipolar but one of my brother’s  children is. Our father was bipolar. 

[SooSad33]

Is there some type of home for her to be put into maybe?  Those that can deal with people like this?

Is very hard for the family members.

I have an ex, who's daughter needed to be placed in alternative care- as she was hurting self & others- was autistic teen.

[Omen435]

27 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

She has to learn to self-soothe or process/discard issues that bother her. Using you as an emotional crutch or dumping all that on you is bad news for you. Everyone goes through tough times. It's one thing to be going through a rough patch and it's another to be an emotional dumper. 

Take things one ear in and one ear out at the time. What goes on with her grandmother is not something you can change (not in your power to change or alter). If it starts to affect you or your moods you might want to be tactful and vocal about how you are finding it hard to be in a relationship with this much negativity. 

I'm sorry there is so much upheaval here.

I do get your point, thank you for your help. I truly appreciate it

[Seraphim]

Putting someone in a home during age of Covid is almost a death sentence. 

[Omen435]

Just now, Seraphim said:

Just be aware as well that bipolar and schizophrenia are inheritable. My brother and I are not bipolar but one of my brother’s  children is. Our father was bipolar. 

She's told me that before, that it is possible to inherit those

[Omen435]

Just now, SooSad33 said:

Is there some type of home for her to be put into maybe?  Those that can deal with people like this?

Is very hard for the family members.

I have an ex, who's daughter needed to be placed in alternative care- as she was hurting self & others- was autistic teen.

She told me they were looking for a solution as such, but the money they'll need is quite a big amount

[Wiseman2]

19 minutes ago, Omen435 said:

We're both 18 right now

This is Way over your head. You need to talk to your parents and other trusted adults about this.

You Do Not need to be a neurologist or even attempt to understand what is going on there.

Your job is to go to school, play sports, get into college, have friends, be good to your parents, pursue your interests, etc. Not be politically correct about psychiatry or neurology.

Your GF as well knows to contact her own family about this as well as.  You Can Not go on listening to all this. She Has Parents It's their job to handle all this They are the adults here.