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is it too late? should I go NC?


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I made so many mistakes!

we broke up a month ago and I ***ed up really bad. it was so obvious he asked for space but he also said we could be friends when i asked if we're still OK tho and i guess i got confused since this was my first dating experience and i simply didnt know how to act so a week later i reached out in a friendly way, sent a funny video. and we sort of talked but replies came late. very late to the point of convo extending for a few days. he left me on read but then a week later he reached out to see how i was doing and the same thing happened, talked for a few days due to late replies, left on read. just 5 days after i had this urge to text him and i did. i wish i hadn't! although, he did reply and he continued the convo... same. thing. happened, but this time i left him on read after he sent a meme bc i just couldn't bear it if he did it to me for the third time. each time he replied very late, like it took him 5 hours most of the times but he would still somehow for some reason continue the convo by asking shit or smth even tho it could've ended each time. i know those probably weren't mixed signals i was getting, he was just either being nice or was trying to make sure he leaves me on read... i dont know...

i definitely ***ed up and disrespected his boundaries. they werent established properly but im not ***ing retarded and i could've guessed he didn't want me to contact him. 

yeah, i still want him back but i also would truly be okay w just being his friend. he is too important of a person to me. plus, we dated for a short time and were actually way better off as friends. is it too late to get a second chance with him? in whatever way?

there is a slight possibility i might see him on New Year's Eve at a friend group gathering and I really want to talk and apologize for overstepping boundaries  and for suffocating him. I really plan on sticking to NC until then for sure!

but... is it really too late for the two us? 

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Don't be too hard on yourself, OP. 

It's fairly normal after a break-up (when you weren't the one who ended it) to still try to keep the line of communication open, even if you know you need to let go. It's not the smartest move, granted, but humans are sentimental creatures and are rarely able to just go cold turkey. So, we try to nudge someone here and there, to be "friendly," to look for a sign just about anywhere that they still care. It takes time to really accept that it's over. 

So, I don't see any need to apologize to him. It wasn't that bad, so there's no need to make it awkward. Just take your space now. Don't reach out. What happens after the break-up isn't nearly as important as many dumpees think it is, meaning it doesn't often change the outcome. If someone has already decided to end a relationship, what comes after isn't terribly relevant. 

Don't worry about being friends again someday either. You're not in the right head-space to process that yet, and you likely wouldn't be that comfortable being friendly when he eventually starts dating someone else. Someday in the future, perhaps. But cross that bridge if and when you come to it. 

That being said, why did he end it to begin with? 

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Sorry to hear this.

I honestly don't know if you'll get a second chance with him. But I am certain of this: If you plan on going to a NYE gathering where he's present - do not explain your break-up to mutual friends (if they insist, a brief yet polite "it didn't work out" suffices), nor talk about yourself or himself negatively. Lastly, but not least, make sure you look your best and bring your best attitude. Looking spectacular makes you feel good. Feeling good helps you have an awesome vibe. Others shall see that you're spectacularly awesome!

 

Edited by greendots
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9 hours ago, idetest said:

 I really want to talk and apologize for overstepping boundaries  and for suffocating him. 

Sorry this happened. Ok, don't apologise for suffocating him by cornering him at a party and suffocating him even more.

Lay back and give yourself some space. No contact is not a "get-your-back" tool .

It's a method to heal and reflect in peace after a breakup.

Don't try to be friends. Let him breathe.

If you run into each other, be polite and friendly but do not bog him down with post breakup talks.

Go about your business and have fun socializing with others.

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23 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Don't be too hard on yourself, OP. 

It's fairly normal after a break-up (when you weren't the one who ended it) to still try to keep the line of communication open, even if you know you need to let go. It's not the smartest move, granted, but humans are sentimental creatures and are rarely able to just go cold turkey. So, we try to nudge someone here and there, to be "friendly," to look for a sign just about anywhere that they still care. It takes time to really accept that it's over. 

So, I don't see any need to apologize to him. It wasn't that bad, so there's no need to make it awkward. Just take your space now. Don't reach out. What happens after the break-up isn't nearly as important as many dumpees think it is, meaning it doesn't often change the outcome. If someone has already decided to end a relationship, what comes after isn't terribly relevant. 

Don't worry about being friends again someday either. You're not in the right head-space to process that yet, and you likely wouldn't be that comfortable being friendly when he eventually starts dating someone else. Someday in the future, perhaps. But cross that bridge if and when you come to it. 

That being said, why did he end it to begin with? 

I tried telling myself that too. And i think i finally accepted the fact that we were simply not made for each other. i mean we rushed in pretty quickly and even tho it wasn't a serious relationship, we still got emotionally involved fairly too soon, especially me! the problem is, our break up was so confusing and it bothers me that if i didnt ask him myself to talk and brought up the idea, he wouldn't say anything. I mean, i asked him if he wanted to end it and that is when he brought courage to say yes. he said it is because he wants to focus on college and work and just himself in general because he felt really lost due to family loss and said how it has nothing to do with me, he put the idea of us maybe getting back together in the future, but i definitely blew that by asking to be friends and by reaching out after the break up. i don't know who actually broke up with who and who friendzoned who bc we both weren't really too clear about anything. basically, that is conclusion - we broke up due to miscommunication. this was my first dating experience and im 18, he's 22, we are in different stages of life, different priorities, different views... we got along pretty well, but i just really think that we simply weren't in the same mind set when it comes to dating. he wanted something slow and casual and i just wanted to make sure he is truly serious about me or at least that he'll be. i probably came across as needy to him since i texted him first and asked out most of the time, even tho at the beginning it was all him and then afterwards roles reversed. our story is like really complicated, not black and white at all and it is hard to put a finger on what exactly was the reason behind anything that has ever happened in our "relationship". but if my assumptions are right and it was simply timing and lack of communication (we talked every day but i mean expressing needs and feelings). because i was pretty reserved and scared so i didnt really communicate my feelings either, i just became needy in like need to talk.. i don't know how to explain. 

 

we are either really and truly simply not compatible or it was all just a misunderstanding. either way... it is over now

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20 hours ago, idetest said:

we are either really and truly simply not compatible or it was all just a misunderstanding. either way... it is over now

I don't think it was a misunderstanding; it seems that you wanted something more serious, and he did not. 

In that sense, your goals were not compatible but that is something we learn as we date someone and determine whether we want something serious with that person or not. 

Remaining friends isn't a good idea right now, in any case. Most dumpers offer than as an olive branch but it's usually just a platitude to soften the blow of hurting someone. It rarely transitions well in reality, as the dumper moves on and the dumpee is left watching from the sidelines as a "friend." Be cordial when you see each other, but keep your distance. No talks about not respecting his need for space. Just let it rest, and you will move past it more quickly. 

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