My B/F & my sister-in-law interested in each other?

[Rose Mosse]

That's good that you're able to put some distance between you and him (and the situation). I think where things start to get tough is when people start to internalize that they deserve bad treatment or bad behaviour from their partners. This is very hard to correct once it's a learned pattern of acceptance. Don't let it get to this point. He sounds like a shameless flirt. It's up to you whether you are ok with a partner like this. Would he be upset if you did the same thing?

[SherrySher]

Make this as simple as possible, don't overthink it. If he loves you like he says he does, he will stop the flirting and behaving badly.

 

If he doesn't stop, his words are just words.

[Cindylou2]

Thank you Cherylyn,

"This 'in your face' flirtatious behavior has nothing to do with your insecurities. What's going on here is disrespectful behavior with your SIL and your boyfriend. They aren't exercising common sense boundaries"

 

I so agree with this! And it is in "my face". I can't believe my SIL is still doing this to me and i believe if i confronted her with it she would deny it but i also believe that she would be more aware and stop once she knows i'm onto her and i'm watching.

I know she will feel alot less comfortable around me now but thats ok the damage is already done and i'm okay with no relationship with her. I just don't want it to hurt my relationship with my bro.

This 'in your face' flirtatious behavior has nothing to do with your insecurities" .

Thank you for that! Now i know its not my insecurities. I have been doubting myself and thinking it must be my jealousies. You are right, it is disrespectful to us as a couple and my brother.

[Cindylou2]

Cherylyn,

"Only a man who knows how to behave honorably and knows how to handle challenging situations is the type of man for you. Anyone else is a nasty argument away from total disaster."

 

This! You worded that so well! And i will tell my B/F this when i break up with him. I will look for an hornorable man.

So where are these guys at? 🤔

[Cindylou2]

Billie28, "Your SIL’s behaviour is out of your control.

When you next introduce a bf to her, if he doesn’t shut down her behaviour to him then you talk to him and let him know that it’s unnacceptable to you. One chance only.

 

There will be guys you date who will be entirely on board with your boundaries so good luck finding him!"

 

Thank you, i need to tell my b/ f this.

[Cindylou2]

Tinydance, thanks so much! You speak tge truth!

"think maybe your boyfriend's gonna have to go. You say he's a flirt even without drinking. Why do you want someone like that! If you only have eyes for him then don't you want to have someone who only has eyes for you"

 

Absolutely! This is what i need to tell him! I dont want to talk to him again about this, only observe. I only wish i came here first so I could tell him these things because when your heated you dont think of saying things like this.

[Cindylou2]

Wiseman, you are wise!🤗

"You need to dump him. He makes you uncomfortable and magnifies your insecurities"

You are so right. He does magnify my insecurities! I hate feeling insecure. When i was single i didnt have to feel insecure.

Maybe im looking for a way out subconsciously. I dont know. All i know is this guy always makes me happy until he does something like this but it will eventually ruin our relationship and i will be gone if he ever does this again.

[Cindylou2]

Lambert, ha! Thanks for the interesting reply!

 

"2. SIL would put on notice don't flirt with my boyfriends if she wants a relationship with me. Say it in private to her and be a sweetie to her in front of others.

 

I'd play that little game with her. Deny saying anything to her... be a real witch. Keep your bro out of it. You don't know what she's talking about. Make her the crazy one."

 

If i see her starting to flirt when she drinks her wine i will put her on notice. If my brother happens to notice something i will tell him.

If he can't understand my feelings about this then i guess it will end our relationship.

 

I dont want to throw out threats. I hope things go smoothly especially now that i talked to my boyfriend. But if i see my SIL up to her cr*p again i will definitely put her in her place!

[Cindylou2]

Wiseman, "Do not talk at him yet again. Instead, observe his behavior since he's already heard and responded to all your concerns."

Thank you for your suggestion. This i will do.

Its all up to him now.

[Cindylou2]

Fenix Reborn, i know what your talking about.its such a shame when everyone cannot behave & get along. My family is like that too.

You might be right that maybe there are things going on between my bro and his wife. But i have a feeling she is just a promiscuous lady and hoping someone will satisfy her in ways maybe my brother cannot, No?

[Cindylou2]

SherrySher,

"You already know that your boyfriend is going to behave badly, which is why you are already cringing.

 

When it gets to this point, it's time to dump him. He's not a good boyfriend, and no you are not overthinking things. I doubt any woman would want a man who behaves like this.

Totally disrespectful and it is very hurtful."

 

I couldnt have said it any better. You make alot of sense.

Im glad to know you don't think i'm "not overthinking things" could be its what O.P. saidhe is "gaslighting" me.

[Cindylou2]

Lambert, i thank you for the advice and helping me see something i really never considered.

This term " gaslighting" is something i may have heard once before but I didn't know what it meant until now so thank you! 🤗

If i pointed this out to him i'm sure he would deny it, and probably say i was "overthinking" it 😏

 

"I think i understand where you are coming from... you want to control this situation while still in the relationship. And you simply can't control another person.

 

You can try talking to him but what are you going to say?

 

"I don't want to go on the trip

because I don't trust that you won't flirt or worse with my SIL"?

 

that is the truth... Right? but then why are you with this guy? This is horrible for your mental health."

 

Yes i believe you are right about this thinking i do believe i want to control it while still in the relationship, i mean who wouldnt?

 

I know i can control the outcome. I can leave which is what i will do if it happens again.

[Cindylou2]

Reinvent myself, thank you for you reply.

 

"and honestly you should have enough faith in your man and he should have the integrity it takes to put her in her place."

This i so agree with! I could have said it any better! Thank you!