Basically Lost 2 Guys at Once

[Cherylyn]

I'm sorry you were rejected and dumped. Chalk it up to your naivete. Live and learn. He used you for sex and after he grew tired of you, he dumped you like yesterday's trash.

 

I'm sorry for your broken heart. He took advantage of your naivete and at the time, you were not a worldly woman.

 

There's nothing you can do. It is what it is. He has lost interest in you and what's done is done.

 

Since both of you are colleagues or coworkers, all you can do from now on is remain professional. Don't get personal. Learn to keep a safe distance. Act natural but don't go out of your way to be nice either. Just remain polite, well mannered yet distant and remember to enforce healthy boundaries with him and everyone at the workplace.

 

You're not an idiot. Pain creates wisdom. From now on, you've learned how to govern yourself and you've since learned how to navigate your life more shrewdly and astutely in the future. Remain cautious, never plunge into relationships too fast nor too soon. Get to know a man for a LONG, LONG, LONG time and trust takes many months or years to develop. Many times, established friendships are better before getting involved in relationships. Become a better judge of character and exercise discernment. Go slower. Err on the side of caution. Make sure your radar is up. Always listen to your gut instincts because it's always right on the mark.

 

Pay attention to character, integrity and moral men. Only be with a gentleman. Avoid charming types as they are a pretentious lot. Beware.

[Jibralta]

I wish I had left him sooner. I am weak and needed the attention. How can I redeem myself?

 

Well, you did it in a lousy way, but you did accomplish something important by leaving him. You needed to leave him.

 

Next time, hopefully, you will be more respectful and courageous. That's really all you can do.

 

I’ve heard the term “once a cheater always a cheater” and now I worry I fall into that category.

 

It's really up to you to determine who you will be and how you will act.

[abitbroken]

So, y’all are right, and I truly do feel like a complete butt face. I know that I did my ex wrong. I know I’m an emotional mess and I essentially cheated on a kind, innocent man. I never wanted to do anyone evil but I know that I did in my selfish pursuit for satisfaction and attention. I truly hope that I can come out of this at least a somewhat good person because all I want in life is to be a good person. This whole situation has devastated me and I feel awful. All I’ve ever prided myself on is being an empath and a people server and now I’m even questioning that. So I don’t even know what I exist for anymore. I will absolutely not reach out to my ex, I never ever intended to hurt him in that way. I wish I had left him sooner. I am weak and needed the attention. How can I redeem myself? How can I become a good person again, or I guess for the first time if I never was one? I feel like a sinful pile of soot. I’ve heard the term “once a cheater always a cheater” and now I worry I fall into that category. If so I don’t even deserve to be consoled. I’m sorry to the enotalone community for failing everyone and being so indecent. I truly mean it. I admit that I’m a mess.

 

Now the truth begins to come out...

 

You already know that you screwed up, so i won't go there.

If a relationship with a good person (no big red flags like drug use, hiding a gambling addiction, etc) is feeling a little stale. then you spice it up. Have things gotten too routine? Do a date night. Maybe you used to wear sexy lingerie when you first got together and now you only wear sweat pants - Wear it around the house nonchalantly. If he is working long hours due to being an essential worker, visit online with your girlfriends and family if you need attention. If that all doesn't spice things out or get things out of a rut, consider a relationship book for ideas or counseling - personal counseling or relationship. If you can't find anyway to reconnect after you BOTH try, then break up. He probably didn't realize anything was wrong.

 

Now - the other matter - "cheater always a cheater" - as long as you have an attention seeking personality, i am afraid I don't see you ever being loyal to a man permanently, or will only be happy dating multiple guys so someone is always competing for your attention. I suggest you seek counseling, dig deep, find how to be comfortable in your own skin and do not date for a year -- i mean it. No coffee dates, no online flirtations. Put yourself off limits for dating. PERIOD.

 

After all that it is POSSIBLE to change. But you can't continue like you are -- chasing anything that looks shiny and constantly needing attention. And its not enough to admit you did wrong after the fact and then go into a dramatic "poor me...i am not worthy.."