Wiseman2 Posted December 31, 2019 Share Posted December 31, 2019 You are ruining your relationship by not managing the co-parenting. Why doesn't your daughter have her own phone to talk to her mother? Why is your gf around when you have visitation?My ex is jealous and trying to ruin my relationship. how do I explain to my girlfriend now that I cannot control what my ex does Link to comment
Andrina Posted December 31, 2019 Share Posted December 31, 2019 How is your girlfriend hearing these things? If your ex is saying this to you over the phone, you hang up. If she's saying this in front of your child, you need to get you to attend family counseling so she can be told by professionals how that is abusive to your child. If you have your child for visitation, ask what time your ex will be calling and turn off your phone until that time, or don't answer until the allotted time. The best way to change another's behavior is to change your own. Get a spine and put up boundaries she can't cross. I wouldn't date a man who hadn't done so. Why, with my one life on the planet, would I subject myself to this toxic environment? If she sticks around, it's because she has low self worth and doesn't think she deserves better. Link to comment
maew Posted December 31, 2019 Share Posted December 31, 2019 The best way to change another's behavior is to change your own. Get a spine and put up boundaries she can't cross. I wouldn't date a man who hadn't done so. Why, with my one life on the planet, would I subject myself to this toxic environment? If she sticks around, it's because she has low self worth and doesn't think she deserves better. Truth. Your last few posts have been very angry and volatile towards your ex. There is nothing more off putting than someone that goes on rants about the mother / father of their child... she is part of your child's DNA. You are making your ex's behavior about you... it's not about you. She has her own feelings about the situation that are valid for her whether you agree with it or not. I would focus on moving through your own emotions and resentments so you are able to be present and grounded for the people you are in relationships with. Link to comment
Jimbo251 Posted January 3, 2020 Author Share Posted January 3, 2020 Yes I agree. My daughters mother is a bit of a control freak and she can be really rude at times. My girlfriend is Hispanic and she called her an illegal which really got me pissed. My poor girlfriend is going through a tough time today as her dad was bleeding internally and I wish I was not stuck at the firehouse all day so I could comfort her. I will just have to go in the morning as soon as I get off. Link to comment
Jimbo251 Posted January 3, 2020 Author Share Posted January 3, 2020 How do you figure I was angry or volatile? Maybe you could ask her why she kept me from having overnights until my daughter was 4 and giving me 2 hour visits a week when it takes me an hour to drive there. I am not an angel but never would treat her the way that I have been treated. I am a good father and always pay support and drive once a week and also attend her events and the truth is my ex should accept that sooner than later I was going to meet someone as I wish she would also. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 How do you figure I was angry or volatile? Maybe you could ask her why she kept me from having overnights until my daughter was 4 and giving me 2 hour visits a week when it takes me an hour to drive there. I am not an angel but never would treat her the way that I have been treated. I am a good father and always pay support and drive once a week and also attend her events and the truth is my ex should accept that sooner than later I was going to meet someone as I wish she would also. Well -- the mediators and court decide what visitation should be. If your ex only "grants" you two hours, then go back to court. I can understand not giving an overnight when the baby is 5 months old and breastfeeding, but a two hour visit for a child that is a little older only i would think would be situations where the dad was not deemed safe or had a bad lawyer. Why not move closer to your daughter? I still say, stop bad mouthing what the ex did - you have more visitation now so on the days you have with your daughter, spend with your daughter and see the girlfriend on different days. If you are not engaged/not living together, it doesn't matter what the ex does, but why not just spend the day with your daughter to avoid the push/pull Link to comment
Jimbo251 Posted January 10, 2020 Author Share Posted January 10, 2020 I agree. I always have a good time seeing my daughter :-) and so far my GF and i are doing great other than the awful situation with her father. he read has had 3 procedures in the last two weeks and is still managing to hang in there. Th only problem is now as i can see is what the family is going to do with helping or caring for her mother who speaks little to no english and really does not know how to care for herself. I try to help as much as I can but i do not speak spanish at this current time and my gf is saying that she wants to stay with her mother so she is not alone and I am happy she is such a caring person but I also think that her two other siblings should step up to the plate ( especially ) her brother who is 48 and lives in the same house as her mother. It seems like sometimes the things that are good in our lives are just temporary but having a child is forever and that is my main concern. Link to comment
Jimbo251 Posted January 10, 2020 Author Share Posted January 10, 2020 I live in Indiana and I can't because I could not at the time. She lives in IL and just recently the law had changed but the taxes in IL would be devastating. She knew where I lived when we had met as I knew where she lived. I never was arrested nor ever did any illegal drugs and am not under psychiatric care and the whole thing was about control and I just did not love her enough to get married and glad I did not take that route. My daughter loves us both and that is a good thing😊 Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 I live in Indiana and I can't because I could not at the time. She lives in IL and just recently the law had changed but the taxes in IL would be devastating. She knew where I lived when we had met as I knew where she lived. I never was arrested nor ever did any illegal drugs and am not under psychiatric care and the whole thing was about control and I just did not love her enough to get married and glad I did not take that route. My daughter loves us both and that is a good thing😊 What more important? Better state tax rate or your daughter? Why don't you move to be closer? It will make a big impact on your daughter the fact that you are not far away and if she has a work trip or a wedding your daughter can't go to, you could have extra tme with your child instead of her getting a babysitter. Link to comment
Jimbo251 Posted January 11, 2020 Author Share Posted January 11, 2020 Well to be honest with you I could not get anymore time with my daughter either way due to my schedule. I am off all summer because I have been on the Dept. For 22 years and we split the summer. I have a beautiful house and daughter loves it because of big back yard and my dog. If I moved to IL I would be living in half the sized house with 3 times the taxes. My mother is an amputee and is 76 and my father is 77 so if anything for the time being I at least want to be somewhat close to them in case of emergency. Link to comment
Jimbo251 Posted January 11, 2020 Author Share Posted January 11, 2020 And about my ex letting me have her if she was going out somewhere " Wishful thinking " I would love to take her but she would call her mother or sister to watch. I am an only child too and like I just posted if my mom or dad need me I will be there. Link to comment
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