First big fight..I know I was wrong, but is it that big of a deal?

[itsallgrand]

When you mentioned all your bf is going through, I really related to how he must feel. And if you want to be with him, exercise some compassion and patience now.

I recently turned 40too, both my folks have passed, no grandparents alive anymore either. It's hard! And stability in my life is so important to me, especially with those who are closely tied in my life and important to me.

You threw chaos at him when he's working so hard to move ahead, build his little safe place in the world, and I totally get why he is starting at a ceiling wondering what in the hell to do now. If my partner did what you did, I'd probably be doing the same and considering if this person has my back in life? For real? Are they mature enough to handle the s/t that life throws and he does already deal with?

 

Why are you irritated with him? It IS a big deal. You are throwing more on his shoulders when he needs you to be stepping up. Not to carry him but to stand beside him as an adult who understands , even if you haven't been there, that he actually needs you.

[maew]

Boy we have a lot of posters here who have never been drunk, never done anything stupid, have never upset their SO in any way and have otherwise lead saintly lives.....

 

I can't even count the number of stupid things I have done while drunk or otherwise under the influence. I was never a daily drinker... not even every weekend.... but when I did drink? I would get drunk to the point of doing something stupid, each and every time.

 

It's not about the amount, it's about the behaviors that happen as a result, and how they hurt other people.

 

The OP has behaved in a way that has put her, her partner, her home, and potentially her friend at risk. More than once from the sounds of it. Her relationship has likely ended as a result. This isn't about judgment, it's a wake up call.

 

I have the utmost compassion for you OP as I have been where you are. Whether you think AA is overkill or not, there are lots of pathways to get help and this is just one way... I suggest you find someone or something that you can use to help you figure out how to overcome this need you have to be self-destructive.

[quark]

Thank you for your insightful reply without assuming things about my character or past. This really put things into perspective.