How can I stop allowing myself to be treated like an option?

[Honeycomb8]

Why bother, you're not his mother. Let it go. Stop clutching on so tightly to someone that isn't into you nor respects you at all.

[Gymgirl71]

Yes...it’s best just to make a clean break.. he mentioned us remaining friends. What’s the point of that? Keep me around in case nothing better comes along? No thank you. I was kind and giving to him...probably too giving and he took advantage of my kindness. He is in his 40’s acting like a 21 year old..hanging out with friends and drinking all weekend long. And he wonders WHY he can’t find a decent girl who is wife material..ugh some people are just completely clueless..

[katrina1980]

Yes I’m going to stop communicating now..but I’m going to upfront and honest with him because it appears he is stringing me along

 

So which is it, I'm confused.

 

Are you going to stop communicating with him and go NC?

 

Or are you going to continue communicating with him being upfront and honest because you believe he's stringing you along?

 

Again which is it? Can you clarify?

 

If it's the former, NC, may I ask why you have not blocked him?

[Gymgirl71]

Lol I confuse myself...No more contact.

[Gymgirl71]

Katrina, I should have blocked him but I was hoping things would change..he is who he is though..

[Batya33]

I think it's fine to vent of course. Just don't let all that negativity affect your general attitude towards men and dating. Many 21 year olds are reliable and respectful and certain 40 something year olds don't act in a reliable or respectful way. He's not clueless in the least - you made it easy for him to treat you like an afterthought and that way he could have a Plan B or C, etc.

[Gymgirl71]

I can’t allow that...I know they are I was one of them many moons ago lol..but at 45 you should not act like one..it just got to me that his life revolve around drinking and hanging out..he never had any real interests even though he talked a good one

[Gymgirl71]

I think it's fine to vent of course. Just don't let all that negativity affect your general attitude towards men and dating. Many 21 year olds are reliable and respectful and certain 40 something year olds don't act in a reliable or respectful way. He's not clueless in the least - you made it easy for him to treat you like an afterthought and that way he could have a Plan B or C, etc.

 

Your right...if he wanted to spend time with me it would have been a priority, but it’s his loss! Too many good men out there

[Batya33]

Your right...if he wanted to spend time with me it would have been a priority, but it’s his loss! Too many good men out there

 

Again - vent for now and then for your sake let it go. It's not his loss. Why? Because you two are not a good match and want different things. In a neutral way. He might be a very good man and very good people sometimes do not behave reliably or offend someone, etc. Let it go, accept that he wasn't that into you, accept that you tolerated his behavior and gave him the impression that what he was doing was ok, and then let it go. The one thing I had going for me in my search for a husband was that I picked myself up and brushed myself off each time I met someone who acted unreliably, flaky, offensive, etc. I genuinely liked "men" - I had close male friends (still do), and most of the time I was treated with respect and like a lady because I did not tolerate anything less and I treated men with respect as well. I also self-talked so that I didn't dwell on "his loss" kind of stuff - sour grapes will give you wrinkles.

[Honeycomb8]

I can be extremely reliable and also incredibly flakey. It just depends on how I see someone. He was interested and you really made it easy for him to lose the last bit of respect he had for you. Aim higher, demand better.

 

Block block block and commit to a one strike you're out rule.