Girl's bad communication has me stressed tf out!

[bluecastle]

I'm with Morello, MissCanuck, and SGH here.

 

In a perfect world, we meet someone, click, and from there on out we're clicking at the same rate. In reality, however, it never works that way. It's more like a dance—for one song you're both totally into each other, but when the next one comes on you're feeling more than she, or vise versa, and so on.

 

Ideally these little shifts, these places where connection gives way to disconnection, are small enough to not trigger too much fear so you don't start tripping over your toes or, well, "smothering" the toes of another. That's sort of the difference between a relationship that takes off and one that doesn't. You dance well together, so to speak.

 

Everyone has a different threshold for what they can handle, the level of disconnect and discomfort and uncertainty. But we can work on that stuff a bit on our own, a bit like, I don't know, working on dance steps in the mirror so when we're face to face with someone we're smooth, confident, relaxed, and having so much fun just being at the dance that we're not fixated on every tiny shift in our dance partner.

 

Wherever this goes—and, yes, it's time to step back and chill and let her come to you or not—please take this moment as a kind of signal from the Dance Gods that it's time to work on your steps alone.

 

I'm not talking about your "game" or any of that nonsense. I'm talking about getting to the point where the prospect of a totally free weekend is so exciting that the disappointment of someone not making plans lands like a feather, a little sting that lasts two seconds. There are so many more ways to fill free time than ruminating about what a woman you don't know is thinking or doing or feeling. Cultivate that stuff, lean into that. It will make you much more attractive—to her, to women in general—and much less prone to these wormholes.

[MrBrightside15]

At least for me, it suggests that you are hungry for companionship and while there is nothing wrong with that, it's not a good place to come from when looking for a relationship.

 

While dating I often felt like just because I was breathing and available, I would do. Meaning that my date wasn't necessarily very particular about who I was. It felt as if I was being pursued to merely fill a void in their life.

 

 

It's not that I'm so hungry for companionship that I latched onto her because she's the first girl who liked me. It's because I've been soooo picky about the girls I date, and that she's the first girl in a very long time that has actually excited me so much. Because of that, I have placed a ton of pressure on myself to make it work with her, and some of that pressure has likely rubbed off onto her. I haven't made any huge mistakes, but just little things like wanting to see her multiple times a week, or sending cutesy texts here and there probably started to signal to her that I'm trying harder than I should be at this point.

[Sportster2005]

Girl's bad communication has me stressed tf out!

This doesn't agree with this.

I've been seeing this girl for a couple weeks now, and it's been going amazingly. I'm 30 and she's 24.

 

Less is more. If you're not on the same wavelength communication wise, no matter how much you like her, you're not a good match.

[MrBrightside15]

I'm with Morello, MissCanuck, and SGH here.

 

In a perfect world, we meet someone, click, and from there on out we're clicking at the same rate. In reality, however, it never works that way. It's more like a dance—for one song you're both totally into each other, but when the next one comes on you're feeling more than she, or vise versa, and so on.

 

Ideally these little shifts, these places where connection gives way to disconnection, are small enough to not trigger too much fear so you don't start tripping over your toes or, well, "smothering" the toes of another. That's sort of the difference between a relationship that takes off and one that doesn't. You dance well together, so to speak.

 

Everyone has a different threshold for what they can handle, the level of disconnect and discomfort and uncertainty. But we can work on that stuff a bit on our own, a bit like, I don't know, working on dance steps in the mirror so when we're face to face with someone we're smooth, confident, relaxed, and having so much fun just being at the dance that we're not fixated on every tiny shift in our dance partner.

 

Wherever this goes—and, yes, it's time to step back and chill and let her come to you or not—please take this moment as a kind of signal from the Dance Gods that it's time to work on your steps alone.

 

I'm not talking about your "game" or any of that nonsense. I'm talking about getting to the point where the prospect of a totally free weekend is so exciting that the disappointment of someone not making plans lands like a feather, a little sting that lasts two seconds. There are so many more ways to fill free time than ruminating about what a woman you don't know is thinking or doing or feeling. Cultivate that stuff, lean into that. It will make you much more attractive—to her, to women in general—and much less prone to these wormholes.

 

Bluecastle, you are amazing. Your dance metaphor here is so good, and makes so much sense. I've been single for the last three years, so I feel like I was very rusty jumping back on that dance floor again. And instead of starting with a nice slow two-step, I immediately tried to pull off some complicated and unfamiliar choreography.

 

You all are so incredible and helpful. THANK YOU!

[Gary Snyder]

Cool your jets! You have only known this woman for two weeks. It takes time for a woman to fall in love....slow down until then. One date a week is fine in the beginning. Playing hard to get works wonders.

[smackie9]

I don't think the phone call was necessary..you indeed already made it known that you would be contacting her later that night. I wouldn't say confident, I would say your eagerness is seeping through again..it's gonna bite you in the butt. You gotta play it cool!! SLOOOOOW DOOOOOWWWNNNNN.

[MrBrightside15]

I don't think the phone call was necessary..you indeed already made it known that you would be contacting her later that night. I wouldn't say confident, I would say your eagerness is seeping through again..it's gonna bite you in the butt. You gotta play it cool!! SLOOOOOW DOOOOOWWWNNNNN.

Yeah, in the moment it seemed like a safe, low-risk choice, but I guess I needed to just keep it simple. Instead of being able to simply reply via text, I introduced a new dynamic that she had to deal with. From now on whenever I get an idea in my head, I need to shut it down and just go about my business.