Conflicted over new relationship

[bluecastle]

Sounds like she has really opened some things up for you sexually, which is terrific. And it sounds like you've provided something radical in return: emotional comfort, emotional depth. Also terrific. Don't forget that your currency in this is as valuable as hers.

 

Guess the question is how long can that center continue to hold in a way that remains mutually safe and beneficial.

 

You're drifting into unchartered waters, that's for sure, and that can be pretty exciting. It can also be other things: scary, confusing, dangerous.

 

What's kind of coming through in your posts—and where other posters are challenging you—is that you're trying to minimize the gap between her lifestyle and yours, which can be a way of creating comfort that isn't actually there. It's a compass that may not quite work for where you're going, or at least a compass that doesn't matter when you've fully handed over the wheel to someone else.

 

She's been to some sex clubs, had sex with others watching, has pushed you into some unconventional terrain sexually, talks to you openly and quickly about these urges and experiences, and now, after a few weeks of flirtation with a committed relationship with you, wants to date others. I'm not saying it's time to start shopping for the perfect outfit for sex club come Saturday night, but her pendulum is swinging back toward a world that is familiar and comfortable for her and maybe the opposite for you.

 

Just be clear-eyed on that and you'll figure it all out. It can be rewarding to push our own edges a bit—I live for that in all realms—but no one wins an award for being pushed over their edge.

[RayofLighten]

Well I think your assumption is correct. Who else but sex party goers have sex (besides porn actors) while lots of other people watch? I wouldn't assume that she won't be doing similar again either. The lifestyle is in her by all accounts.

 

How do you know what she is and isn't engaging in when she's not with you? As you said, you are just speculating. I think your feelings and addiction for her have made you gullible.