Don't know what to do

[Jetta]

I was so certain I wanted to divorce my husband and well now I'm not. You see my son has some mental health problem(s), still figuring out the exact diagnosis. His bio-dad can't take him, he has abuse on record. I'm really the only reliable person in this kids life and I'm burnt out after 9 years of hell.

 

I couldn't manage this child on my own and I married a man I didn't deeply love for help. Now I know that's horrible, but even the therapist says this is most difficult child he's ever worked with and he has 3 kids with ADD. My son has a very bad temper, doesn't listen to any rules, and I just can't do it on my own. My husband can't deal with him either (they end up arguing all the time). Social services said they'd arrange respite care, but highly recommend I get family heavily involved. Yeah that will only work for so long. Thinking about it is just draining.

 

I don't even know the point of this post. Should I stick with a man I don't love to help me raise this satan child for the next 9 years? He's descent, says he loves me and of course his daughter, truly a dream child. However he's struggled with employment throughout our marriage, lacks initiative, is unreliable, etc. Doing a pros/cons list (cons are slightly higher than pros). As much as I don't want to be married to this man, I don't think I can parent this 9 year old alone. At least he isn't abusive.

 

I really don't know what to do.

[brando]

Jetta I am sorrt about the situation you are facing. I do not have an answer though, just support.

 

So you r thinking of staying with your husband to help raise your son?? You aren't in love with the man, and he has had trouble staying employed.. the cons outweigh the pros,, am i right??

 

The only person who truly knows what you should do is you. I know this is lame, but i feel it is the truth.

 

I do believe though that all people in life would be very surprised with what they believe at one time they can't handle, until they are stone cold in that very same situation, and realize they are doing alright. Sometimes one has to hit bottom before rising to the top.

 

I feel you are in a very difficult position. It sounds as if you would be sacraficing a great deal staying with this man... and then again you may be sacraficing something else if you don't.

 

But i do recall you saying in one of your threads, your husband hit your son??? Am i clear on this??

 

If so then that is what is important to take into consideration.

 

Im praying for you Jetta.

 

I wish you all the best with your decision.

Only you can make you happy, no one else.

 

Be well

Brando

[DN]

Didn't you say before that your husband had abused your son? Kicked him, if I remember correctly.

 

Is your son on Ritalin? I am sure it is over-used in many cases but your son seems a prime candidate for it.

[Jetta]

Yes my husband kicked my son and has also hit him I later found out. He's on 2 years probation and in anger management now.

 

My son is on concerta for ADHD, and they think he may struggle with anxiety because he cannot handle change at all (like a change in schedule even). It's crazy because he'll be very disgruntle if you say you're going to dinner at D's and end up at J's he won't eat because he's so mad about not going where we said.

 

He's also oppositional, but I've learned some parenting techniques that help a little. Some rules are set in stone and those are no longer argued, but he'll argue insignificant things (at least to me it is). Practicing some of this on my 2 year old has helped. She's a two year old that rarely has a tantrum, it rocks!

[guy40az]

Sounds like a really hard decision but if your husband is having problems dealing with your son it maybe easer if you move out and go it alone. I know you said you don't think you can handle your son on your own but I think it is going to be even harder in the long run to stay with your current husband. If he keeps getting abusive it will cause you more harm then good.

 

Like the other people said only you can make that decision but if the cons outweigh the pros then I think you know what you have to do.

[Jetta]

Yeah I know what I have to do, I'm just scared to death to do it. Freedom is my biggest desire in life. Single parenthood brings more responsibility and less freedom. I need more help than I even know how to ask for.

 

 

I need to vent:

I want to collapse under all the stress, yet I can't. I have to purserver despite my true feelings. People think I'm this strong person. Ha. What choice do I have? In my son's life I'm it. I am the only person he has in this world to count on, even social services has said it. His foster family can barely handle him, but I am supposed to be able to do it!?

 

I am a person just hoping that someday there's a payoff for all this hell. I really hate to believe the best part of my life was my childhood. Even that wasn't great, but compared to adulthood childhood was a cakewalk. I've said it before and I'm saying it again. God sent me this child, he needs to send me the tools to raise him.

 

Really where can I go when I just can't do it anymore? Life has been too hard for too long and I'm really tired.