I was away...

[8819]

I moved to the other side of the country after he had been there for work for a month. That month was the first time we had been apart after dating for 2 years. Originally it was going to be 6 months of long distance/you visit/ i visit. Always knowing it was temporary and we were commited. He found me a job with a friend of his after a month and as we talked he said he couldn't be there with out me. I quit my job,sublet our appartment and got on a flight. I show up to a strange door in a strange city and after knocking and calling and waiting he comes to the door. Visibly fried from a night of party. We procede to spend the day in bed together. He missed me. Could not deal with this place with out me and was so glad i was finally there. 6 hard months away from familiarity,friends and family go by.

Fast foreword 2 years. Back home dealing with life and everything.i get ahold of his phone and look back in his messages. This woman i met while in this other city...my friend. The messages...'im at the store...should i get lube?' 'you looked so beautiful last night' 'does your girlfriend know that we partied together the other day?...no and never tell her' ' im in town for another week and i need to see you before i leave

Why did i look? I had the chance. And the suspicion.

2 years ago...do i even bring it up? I had a few clues so long ago... I felt it and knew something was up when she was around.He supports me and is a wonderful partner now.

Do i even bring it up? Or just swollow the knowledge....

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. What were the clues and suspicions? Well now you know how capable of lies, betrayal, a double life and cheating he is so you can go into this with eyes wide open. If you brush it under the rug, he will think how easy it was to fool you and get away with it. If you tell him you know and forgive him, he also gets the message that you'll put up with it again.

He supports me and is a wonderful partner now.

[Lester]

Chasing after a non-committal only props them up into something they can never be.

 

You only need two to six months of intelligent dating to know a man.

Everything else is chasing and propping.

 

Dump him and stop wasting time.

[melancholy123]

The best predictor of future behaviour is relevant past behaviour. Think about that.

[Andrina]

Those are his poor ethics. Could you ever commit that type of relationship crime? You only have one precious life on this planet and choosing a lifetime partner is one of the most important decisions you'll ever make. Be wise and drag this garbage to the sidewalk. Being single will allow you to choose a worthy partner for yourself in the future.

[bluecastle]

I'm sorry about all this.

 

I'm also a little confused on the timeline. Are you saying you've been together 4 years total, and that, as far as you know, this all happened 2 years ago?

 

In ways you've already been swallowing the knowledge, even before you knew it. You had the suspicion, the feeling—a little edgy thorn poking around. So if you continue to swallow it down—well, you know how that will feel. Not great. Not quite as safe and secure as you'd like.

 

So, what to do? Before I offer some thoughts, let me ask you: What does your gut say?

[AngelaTaylor]

IF you are sure its really over keep this info locked away and use it when needed. In a very long term relationship there are times when a casual remark about trust can make him feel guilty and just maybe get you a win in an unrelated disagreement. In other words torture him slowly for as long as you can. You deserve it.