Fighting the urge to say something

[katrina1980]

Katrina: Thank you for your post and advice.

 

Being too sensitive is a downfall for sure.

 

And I do appreciate everyone's honesty. And the fact that people on here are willing to pour out their hearts with their very personal stories really warms my heart. And the advice from this forum does not go unnoticed, believe me.

Reading these stories helps me to be stronger, even if it is teeny tiny baby steps.

 

Thank you again.

 

You're very welcome. I deleted it cause I thought it sounded a bit harsh given how you feel, but I am glad you read and took something positive from it as that was my intention.

 

I wish you the best in 2019!

[Hollyj]

I'm not asking you to support unhealthy behaviour. Not at all. Perhaps coddling was an incorrect term...?

 

Some of us come here for advice others for support or some combination of the two.

 

In no way did I mean for anyone to say 'keep up the good work with staying with someone who isn't good for you' .

Of course not.

I would like to be given support in the right direction, that is for certain.

 

I'm taking more about how it is said.

 

People respond to things differently. Just because I have difficulty with the direct approach, does not in any way mean that I want to stay stuck in my situation. Not at all.

Yes. But, you refuse to block and delete this guy.

[Capricorn3]

The way I see it is this: Haven't seen or heard from him in 7 months. All this time you have spent a huge amount of time and energy agonising about the past, what he did, what he said, how he treated you etc, and in the meantime, he has moved on, living his life, having a good time with his friends and not even giving a thought to what happened. In other words, he has totally moved on.

 

OP, it's really time you do the same. Let it all go already. Move on with your life. There is no point in hanging on to bitter feelings - all it does is bring you down and is a massive waste of time and energy. There is so much more to life than clinging to this jerk. What for!?? Go out and DO stuff. Find a new hobby, go hiking, cycling, meet up with your friends for coffee or movies, join a gym etc etc.

 

Remember, happiness comes from within. YOU dictate where you want to go with your life.

[katrina1980]

Yes. But, you refuse to block and delete this guy.

 

Holls, I said this in the post I deleted but I sort of get why she can't.

 

Whether she realizes or not, she is addicted to him and he is her "fix."

 

Not sure if you've ever been in an addictive relationship (I think I read you were but I could be mistaken) but cutting off one's "fix" is unthinkable and the thought of doing so may cause some addicted folks to panic and become literally unhinged.

 

Think of a drug addict being cut off from his drug supplier before he's ready to acknowledge he has a serious problem, and help him/herself.

 

It's the same thing with sleepy, imo, he is her "drug" of choice, even though she hasn't seen or spoken with him for months.

 

Until sleepy is truly ready to let go and accept that whatever they had is over and done, and this is a decision only she can make, she could never cut him off, cut off the possibility he may contact her, and she can get her fix.

 

JMO of course, been there.

[Hollyj]

Holls, I said this in the post I deleted but I sort of get why she can't.

 

Whether she realizes or not, she is addicted to him and he is her "fix."

 

Not sure if you've ever been in an addictive relationship (I think I read you were but I could be mistaken) but cutting off one's "fix" is unthinkable and the thought of doing so may cause some addicted folks to panic and become literally unhinged.

 

Think of a drug addict being cut off from his drug supplier before he's ready to acknowledge he has a serious problem, and help him/herself.

 

It's the same thing with sleepy, imo, he is her "drug" of choice, even though she hasn't seen or spoken with him for months.

 

Until sleepy is truly ready to let go and accept that whatever they had is over and done, and this is a decision only she can make, she could never cut him off, cut off the possibility he may contact her, and she can get her fix.

 

JMO of course, been there.

 

I haven't. At some point, we have to decide to help ourselves, as you did.

 

This guy has not been present in her life for a very long time. He is not trying to pull her in, or continue anything. There is nothing to hold on to. She knows that it is unhealthy and he doe not care about her, but she continues. This is not about him, but her. At some point we have to protect ourselves and move forward.

 

Sometimes it is easier to stay stuck.

[Annia]

I'm going to presume he's your boss at work. Or perhaps you two still live together (boy, I sure hope not!).

 

OK, read your history. You don't live together and he's long distance. And yet, you claim you "can't" delete him and block him?

 

Makes zero sense.

 

Maybe they have a child together? (I don't know, it's the only reason I could see not being able to block and delete him)

[boltnrun]

Maybe they have a child together? (I don't know, it's the only reason I could see not being able to block and delete him)

 

But then why no contact at all for 7 months?

[Annia]

But then why no contact at all for 7 months?

 

You're right. It wouldn't make sense.

[Hollyj]

She never mentioned any kid.