Single and anxious

[Batya33]

@wisemen no I have worked hard to overcome anxiety etc. To the most part I have done quite well. I think it is natural though to start feeling anxious as a woman when the biological clock starts to tick and in a society which indulges in social media it can be hard not to compare yourself to peers. I am involved in clubs and have developed a lot of interests. I have no doubt that happiness comes first outside of a relationship as I stated above, hence why I took a few years to really focus on building that. I suppose I just become disillusioned by the dating scene as I do feel ready to date but it hasn’t happened so far.

 

I would do my utmost to not give in to the temptation to blame "society" or "social media". I love/hate social media. I got pregnant and tried to get pregnant before being on social media. I avoided googling about my pregnancy or posting about symptoms on pregnancy message boards despite society's focus on googling and letting it all hang out there. A number of my friends ages 30s and up have taken loooong breaks from social media etc because of the downside of it. I compared myself to peers plenty -promise -without any social media and far before email and the internet. If you go down this path of blaming society and social media it will be even harder when you are trying to conceive or a parent.

 

I felt very anxious about my biological clock especially since my mother and sister had trouble conceiving. I get it. I believe that if your goal is marriage and family don't tell yourself all the lies about "happiness comes first outside of a relationship." I mean, sure, you need to be a positive person with a fun, fulfilling life outside of a relationship whether you are married, single, partnered, whatever. But no I don't buy this whole "I will not be ready for marriage until I am truly happy being on my own and truly accept that I can have full happiness without marriage and family." Some people will and can but no it's not essential.

 

The honest and simple truth is no I would not have been completely happy without being married in a loving marriage and without the opportunity to try to have a baby. I just don't get all this "rah rah rah you have to be happy being single" that I hear is said to women of a certain age. Would I have been miserable. Nope. Not even close. But "happiness?" Without reaching my life goals? Nope. There are no guarantees you will find someone but be proactive - dating isn't about 'hasn't happened so far" - keep being out there as you are -clubs, interests, activities -all wonderful. Keep up gaining resources and information as to how to deal with anxiety and how to make a positive first impression when you meet people.

 

And yes if you do all you can -do your best -and you don't meet the right person in time to have a family you will know you did your utmost and that you didn't make excuses about social media and society getting in your way and increasing your anxiety. When I feel anxious like that I have my go to stuff -ranges from the treadmill to beating an egg senseless (yes I take it out on food prep) and angry-cleaning, etc. And hydrating helps me too (with water not alcohol!). You really can give this your best shot. You deserve to give it your best shot. Happy to PM with you.

[Shannon1235]

No I’m not blaming social media or society. I think it does make it easier to be envious of people in relationships if u spend a lot of a

Time scrolling social media but I’m fully aware that this is something I want so I would be feeling anxious about it without social media too. I also know I wouldn’t have been able to be in a healthy relationship a few years ago as I was overly reliant on men and relationships to fulfill me. However corny it sounds, for me I had to build a more purposeful and fulfilling life alone first.. this helped me overcome issues with food and alcohol. Could I have done this and had a healthy relationship at the same time? I know it wouldn’t have been possible. I tried it and it didn’t work. I do agree though that I need to give it my best shot. I posted on here as I’m aware I’ve become negative about it which isn’t cool and won’t attract good things if I don’t get a more relaxed approach about it

[Batya33]

No I’m not blaming social media or society. I think it does make it easier to be envious of people in relationships if u spend a lot of a

Time scrolling social media but I’m fully aware that this is something I want so I would be feeling anxious about it without social media too. I also know I wouldn’t have been able to be in a healthy relationship a few years ago as I was overly reliant on men and relationships to fulfill me. However corny it sounds, for me I had to build a more purposeful and fulfilling life alone first.. this helped me overcome issues with food and alcohol. Could I have done this and had a healthy relationship at the same time? I know it wouldn’t have been possible. I tried it and it didn’t work. I do agree though that I need to give it my best shot. I posted on here as I’m aware I’ve become negative about it which isn’t cool and won’t attract good things if I don’t get a more relaxed approach about it

 

Yes - do what you think works for you of course. Maybe I made a mistake at times not taking more breaks to be on my own and experience that but I also never lived with someone other than very short term -a few weeks -before getting married so I was on my own in that way. Of course social media makes everything more in your face -and it's your choice how to interact with social media. I get it!!

 

I agree with your take on negative vibes ,etc. I really like how you are approaching this!